Who was your bridesmaid? etiquette..

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@inspiration86:  No, do not choose a BM that you do not want, especially when this is someone that you don’t know very well, who is a GIRLFRIEND. She is not your sister-in-law, even. What happens if FI’s brother breaks up with this girl before the wedding?

Unless she is your friend, and is someone that you want standing up for you at your wedding, then don’t let anyone pressure you into asking her.

Post # 4
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@inspiration86:  It’s your wedding, choose who you want. Make sure your FI has the same amount of people so you can be like me when someone whines about not being a bridesmaid and just say “Well we have 5 people on both sides and it would be weird to add an additional and I don’t want FI to pick someone he’s not comfortable with just because of that.” I did it, and it worked, although the person pouted. It was still legitimate. xD

Post # 5
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

To me BM’s are the people closest to the bride and who the bride could not see their wedding day without.

I think where brides go wrong and end up having trouble is because they choose people out of obligation and people who they are not really close to.

 

Post # 7
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@inspiration86:  I think a sister is one thing, his brothers girlfriend is a totally different story. 

Post # 8
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@inspiration86:  You really need to stand up to her. You don’t need to confront her over it or anything, but just kindly deflect her suggestions. It is your wedding, and your marriage. Has your FI said anyhting about it to you?

If you let her push you into your wedding-related decisions, just think of what you could be setting yourself up for in the future. She’ll be decorating your house, pushing her way into the delivery room, etc. Just talk with your FI, make sure you are both on the same page, and agree that you will both stand up for what you want.

Post # 9
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@inspiration86:  You should choose whoever you want, and I definitely wouldn’t have someone who I’ve only seen a handful of times.

That being said, I’m not sure why you’re sharing so much information with your FMIL, including your insecurities about how pictures will look. The best policy for wedding planning is a strict need to know basis. You will save yourself a lot of drama/headache. If anyone asks something just say, we’re working on it. If someone gives an opinion, say it’s a good point and that you’ll take it into consideration.

There’s really no need to let anyone else dictate your wedding, except with one huge if. Who is paying?

Post # 12
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@inspiration86:  I was going to say, even if she is paying, she can’t dictate who you choose as a BM, etc. We told our parents we wanted to pay ourselves, so there would be no control issues. Is that a possibility for you? 

Post # 13
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  definitely don’t have to ask his girlfriend to be your BM but its a nice gesture to ask his sisters. She’s not family yet!

 

 

Post # 14
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I was that girl in the marriage of my FBIL and FSIL this summer. Although I was really close to the bride like seeing her multiple times a month. I was hurt when she didnt ask and I wasnt allowed to be in all of the pictures. More hurt since I was dating my FI longer then they were dating. Oh and we held off our engagement for them! Anyway, if she isn’t one of your bridesmaids (which sounds like u dont want her to be) then at least include her in the ceremony by doing a reading, allowing a speach at the reception, something! This way she can feel at least welcomed into the family although she doesnt have a ring on just yet. I hate when people say that your not family if your not engaged/married, its just not true. Just keep in mind if they are getting engaged soon then that is going to be your FSIL and you dont want to start on a bad note.

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