Post # 1
Now that DH and I are married, we’ve gotten lots of joking comments from people about how now DH doesn’t ever have to make a decision again, etc., because the common stereotype is that the wife, through the immense power of “The Look” and the ability to withhold sex, controls every aspect of a marriage.
After one of these comments, I responded (extremely awkwardly) that DH and I “take turns with the whip.” Which came out awfully wrong … but the point is that he’s not the least bit ‘whipped’ and I hope he never is! I am definitely the Cruise Director for our relationship — when it comes to planning recreational activities, I am generally in charge and am the official keeper of the schedule. But other than that, I’d say DH is the President of this marriage.
He decides what to watch on TV (though I have some veto power if he chooses something awful) and what movies to rent. If we want to go out to eat, he usually decides what restaurant to go to. If I say “let’s get the stuff up out of the car” and he says “nah, we’ll do it later,” then guess what, we’re doing it later. Of course I can put my foot down on any of these issues and he’ll acquiesce, but I rarely do — I’m usually just fine going along with him.
This is weird for me. I’ve always worn the pants in all my relationships, because generally speaking I don’t take no sh** from nobody. So of course I had to marry the first guy who came along that I actually respected enough to hand the whip to
So, would you describe either yourself or your SO as “whipped”? Do you take turns with the whip? Are ou each generally the boss of different things?
Post # 3
we both wear the pants. We make compromises and usually decide together. I don’t think i could ever be that “controlling”. I don’t think controlling is the right word, but you get my drift
Post # 4
@MlleBrielle: Haha I get what you’re saying. I have a close friend who is definitely the woman from the stereotype, and it is soooo funny. Her husband is always “yes honey” to whatever she asks and it cracks me up. It’s not that she’s a b-word or that he’s a p-word; I think they’ve just figured out that having HER make all the decisions is the best route for their relationship!
So in that sense, I’m like her husband — it is much easier for me to just agree with what DH wants on simple daily matters, because either deciding by committee or trying to force my way just seems like too much trouble. Path of least resistance for the win!
Post # 5
@iarebridezilla: i totally get what you’re saying. It’s funny though becuase I am such a people pleasure and feel guilty very easily. So if i don’t want to go to a specific restaurant and DH does, I make sure we pick another one so that we both agree on it. So that way, I don’t feel bad about it..it does get a little annoying though trying to agree on one thing!! lol
Post # 6
We are most definately 50/50 on things. Especially now with a child.
Post # 8
We’re equal, but it’s easy for us because we tend to agree on almost everything anyway.
Post # 10
His personality lends itself to usually following my lead.
However, the longer I’ve been with him, the more I’ve realized that sometimes I just need to shut up and let him handle things — he’s got it!
Post # 11
What’s really funny though is that because I am the keeper of the social calendar, everyone seems to THINK that I run the place … because if they want to make plans with us or invite us to something, they know they have to go through me to make that happen. So they just assume that that carries on into all other aspects of our lives.
IF THEY ONLY KNEWWWWWWW!!!
Post # 12
Post # 13
It’s pretty 50/50. There really isn’t a dominant one in our relationship. I’m more easy going about things than he is, but he constantly asks me for my opinion because he’s worried he’ll choose the wrong thing and upset me. I usually just go along with what he wants because a lot of the stuff he’s really particular about I have no opinion on, like what kind of kitchen soap we use.
Post # 14
I would love to say that we’re 50/50, but he usually defers to me. I’m the picky one, so for food/entertainment/stuff like that, he asks what I want and we usually do that. Anything other than that kind of stuff, we go 50/50 (FI says, for the stuff that matters, we make decisions together).
@OneOfTheseDaysAlice: he constantly asks me for my opinion because he’s worried he’ll choose the wrong thing and upset me
Haha, this is what my FI does with me.
Post # 15
I would say its 60/40 with him leading a tad bit more. I always steamrolled over my ex bfs, but that is what set DH apart. He didn’t take my shit and didn’t just let me order him around but was extremely eye opening! We both make decisions and plan things together, but with menial things ( tv shows, where to eat like a PP mentioned) he usually makes the call.
Post # 16
I make all the plans, but we are both as stubborn as mules so no one really has any ‘power’ over the other.