Post # 1
I got into an interesting discussion with my husband last night, one of those “really, you think that?” moments. I wanted to get some feedback here just to see if I’m way off base in my thinking. I’m willing to admit that I am, it’s one of those things that seems to get discussed hypothetically and I
always “knew” my answer. Now that we are in the early stages of thinking about TTC, it’s turned from hypothetical to (hopefully never) potentially real.
When I am in the hospital giving birth, or really anytime during my pregnancy, if something awful happens and it comes down to saving my life or the baby’s, I would want the doctors to save me first, especially if we already have children waiting at home. Even if was our first, I’m pretty sure I’d want them to save me. My husband was horrified that I thought that way, he thought everything should be done to save the baby if it came down to deciding between the two of us.
I’m not sure how often this really is a real life concern. I’m sure hospitals do everything they can to be sure both the mother and baby are healthy. Once I have the baby in my arms, I know I would sacrifice myself for my child no matter what, but I see pregnancy and birth as different. Obviously, I don’t know what I would do if heaven forbid we were actually faced with such a situation, maybe I would feel differently then.
What do you think?
Post # 3
My husband and I have had this conversation, and he always says he would save me. His thoughts are that we could always have more children, but he could never replace his wife.
I used to say that I would prefer they save the baby, but now that we have kids, I’ve changed my mind. I couldn’t imagine leaving my husband alone with 3 kids to raise.
Post # 4
I can’t choose, sorry 🙁 It makes me too sad even going there but then I’m preggers & emotional!
Post # 5
*sigh* tough one..we haven’t talked about it but i know what my DH would say – he would save me everytime. Because there’s still the chance of having another baby. I would say save me, too, though it would break my heart and put me through misery..
Post # 6
I was going to say it would depend on the situation, but it really doesn’t. Even if we would have to terminate the pregnancy knowing, in that situation, I couldn’t get pregnant again, we could always adopt. We can figure out a way to have more children, my future husband can’t just find another wife.
Post # 7
If I say myself am I selfish? I love my baby girl already but I couldn’t imagin leaving my husband alone to raise her. He would fall apart and I imagine be depressed and don’t know how great of father he would be, I’m not saying this just because of me but I know him and his personality. Leaving my husband alone and my daughter without a mother is nothing I would ever chose. I don’t know if I would ever emotionally recover and would probably needs years of therapy but at some point DH and I could rebuild our family.
Post # 8
@Mrsluckywife: Same here!
Geez, i’ve never given much thought to it but seeing as i’m halway through my frist pregnancy this is probably a discussion my husband an I should have. Thanks for bringing it up!
Post # 9
I’m currently pregnant (31 weeks) and right now I’d want them to save the baby. If something happened, we chose to focus on saving me and we lost our son….I’d be distraught. Especially knowing that I made that decision. I already love this little guy so much I just couldn’t imagine it. I think it would break me. I love my husband so much and hate the idea of potentially leaving him alone to raise our son but my son’s life is really precious to me.
We had this discussion a long time ago and my husband at that time said that he’d want to save me. We haven’t had it recently (since I’ve been pregnant) so I’m not sure if he still feels the same way.
Post # 10
No kids, not pregnant but I would say me… Like a previous poster said, you can try for more children but you only have 1 wife.My husband would agree. I know it would be harder on my husband to loose me than an unborn child. Would still be heartbreaking though..
Post # 11
I think this becomes a non-question once you’ve carried the baby. By the time you get to delivery, every instinct tells you to save the baby. I had a very difficult delivery with my son (my first born nearly 22 yrs ago) after much TTC and infertility. I ended up with an emergency C-section and I remember grabbing my husband’s shirt and opening my eyes (I was exhausted and could barely do even that) and telling him to make sure they got that baby out alive – not at all about my life at that point. Fortunately we were both OK but it was close.
Once you have children, there’s never a choice to make -it’s always their lives first.
Post # 12
I used to feel the way your husband did, before I was madly in love with my fiance. But he and I both agree that we can always make another baby but we can’t make another me. As simple as that.
Post # 13
It might make me a horrible person, but I would choose me. Like others have said, I can’t imagine DH trying to raise a kid alone and while one could never replace the baby.you lost, there is still the oppritunties for more kids, I hope I would be hard to replac
Post # 14
No kids, not pregnant, not TTC but I said I would save myself. I actually do have health issues that would put me at risk if I ever decided to give birth and have chosen to NOT give birth ever due to these risks. However, if I ever did become pregnant and did decide to give birth and the doctor’s fears happened and it was me or the baby FI knows that I would save myself over the child, so this is something that he and I have actually discussed.
Post # 15
@mrs.stormylove: +1 to everything you said.
Post # 16
I’m not pregnant nor have I ever had a child so this has never really been a concern of ours but we have discussed it. We’ve both agreed that if it came down to it, I would be saved. Honestly, neither of us even really thought about it since I would be the obvious choice and no, I don’t think our opinions will change when our time does come to have a child.
For starters, my husband wouldn’t want to raise our child on his own. That baby would be a constant reminder of what he lost and that’s a whole lot for someone to deal with. From the man’s perspective, it would be tragic to lose an unborn child so late in the game, but I think it would be even more tragic to lose his wife. That’s the person he vowed to spend the rest of his life with and there’s really no replacing her. There could very well be more babies but once she’s gone, that’s it. Sure, he could potentially move on and have children with someone else but if that’s the mentality that the man has going into that situation, that woman deserves a whole lot better than him.