- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
This is one of those dilemmas where I think I KNOW the answer, I just am not seeing it clearly by myself and need an outside opinion.
My family/friends/fiance don’t know what to say about it, so I figured I’d ask the Bee.
My wedding is one week away and I don’t know who is walking me down the aisle.
Dad: 10 years ago, we stopped talking. It was over a number of things, but his not standing up for his own daughters was the last straw. It’s no family secret that my father favors my sister, and I don’t really know how to explain that very without going into a long-winded story about that. But when I say that I mean family members and friends have commented on how obvious and sad it is. He hasn’t talked to me about this wedding much… actually, he maybe picks up the phone three times a year to talk to me about himself for an hour.
I don’t know, 10 years ago I gave up the hope that he’d walk me down. Having him walk me down feels like a lie and a let-down… the only reason I’d really want him to walk me is out of guilt… I feel bad for “taking it away” from him, but that’s a little ironic considering how hard he tried to take everything away from us when my parents were divorcing… I mean seriously, this was a man who set things up before he left to fail after he was gone. I don’t want to go into how horrible and difficult he made my teenage years.
It doesn’t seem right.
Mom: originally wanted my mom do walk me, and after a few counselling sessions about feeling conflicted over my father walking me (!!), I got up the nerve to ask her about 6 months ago. Her answer? “Let me think about it.” I waited…. and waited… finally, earlier this week I asked her if she had given some thought to walking me down the aisle, and was met with immediate offense and a “Well, this is the first time I’m hearing of THIS!”
So my mom hurt my feelings. Badly. All that agonizing over waiting for an answer, all those counseling sessions that helped me boost my confidence to ask… wasted. I’m actually mad at her over it – why did she get so offended? If she wanted to, she’d just say yes, so I think that’s my answer right there.
I don’t think I want her to walk me down, because I feel like it’s such an inconvenience to her, but I figured I’d say that story, too.
Myself: I am terrified of this wedding – it’s not at all within my comfort zones (too expensive, too many people, center of attention, etc.) and I feel sad thinking I might be walking down myself. Even though it was something that I’ve been telling myself for years that I would have to do, it’s just… not what I’d like to do, I guess.
There’s a part of me that says “buck up and do it” but it just feels so overwhelmingly lonely.
There’s no one else to really walk me down. My sister isn’t a supporting figure in my life right now – she’s wrapped up in her own stuff. I don’t feel comfortable with her walking me down, and most likely she won’t either. My uncle (who I totally wish was my dad) won’t walk me down because he won’t want to step on anyone’s toes (and quite frankly I don’t want people to mistake him for my father), and after that I can’t think of anyone else.
I can’t NOT walk down – that’s something my fiance is excited about (he wants to see me as I walk towards him, so we can’t walk in together, either) and he won’t even approach the topic of my not walking down.
What would you do?