Weddingbee boards

*big hugs* First off, congrats on your wedding, and now your little "surprise". I, personally, don't have kids. But I know tons of girls who do.

I don't have any advice, but like LittleBear said, spend time with your DH to talk about it and everything. I'm sorry that you had had a miscarriage a while back, but...things happen. Maybe there was a reason. I'm glad that the chance is low now. I wish you a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby.

You mentioned about being out of a job, and such. If you think about it dear...No matter how much people "plan" on children after they feel that they are ready, no one is ever really prepared for it. Times will be tough, but there is always a silver lining to every cloud. When my parents had me, and I was a surprise too, they struggled. They even had to live with my dad's parents for a while. But they made it, 25 years and two daughters later. 

I know none of this made sense. But.... more hugs!

Congrats! I know I'd probably feel the same way even if we were married because I don't want children for at least three years. So, I can get how you are feeling.

Re: the miscarriage, not that this is in any way scientific but every woman in my family has had a miscarriage before their first successful pregnancy. It is definitely something that scares me for the day I may decide to have children. I also know women who have had them after their first. I don't think there's a rhyme or reason but from what I've heard it is common for your first pregnancy.

I'm of the opinion it is no one's business but you and your husband's until you get past the first three months. Good luck. This will work out whatever you decide to do. Hugs

GaBGal -- Come to think of it I don't think I've ever mentioned it. I knew my mom had and my one aunt. I recently learned my other aunt had it happen, I was just too young to have known about it. I probably should ask next time I go.

*BIG* hugs and congratulations on both your marriage and your pregnancy!

I know this seems like a terrible time, but a good friend of mine told me there will never really be a right time. Somhow that has helped me think about planning our future and kids. Hopefully that will help you all too!

We all wish you the best for health and happiness with your pregnancy. Please keep us posted!

Perhaps you could look at it as the second of all good signs.

You are married! First, good sign.

baby, you eventually wanted one anyway. maybe someone else already knows now is the right time. you just have to convince yourself it is.

job, maybe with wedding off the to do list and baby on the way, means job is too :)

I am hoping we are as fortunate on the baby front. We aren't doing the premarital sex thing and plan on starting our family planning come the honeymoon. I bet our families already think we are rushing to the alter because of this...however, not the case. But we hope it will happen very soon after.

Congratulations!!!

Oh man, I know where you're coming from. I got pregnant just before our three-month wedding anniversary. Yeah, we're going to be celebrating our first anniversary as a three-person family. :)

First of all -- keep it to yourself (and your hubby) as long as you need to! I kind of wish I had delayed in telling my mom a little because she kept (Gently) nagging at me to let her tell her friends, which we finally allowed at the 12 week mark.

And realize that it is okay to feel ambivalent... I know there were definitely dark moments where I thought about miscarriage being perhaps a blessing in disguise -- I know, I know, horrible, but do what you need to to let go/get out negative feelings about this before the baby is able to tell. I'm still not totally bouncing off the walls about this, but I am able to truthfully say that I love my baby and I wouldn't give him up for the world.

Honestly, finding out you're pregnant is a little like wedding planning in that everyone congratulates you and tells you how happy and excited you should be, and you can't always be 100% happy and excited all the time. Like getting married, you are going to leave behind a version of your identity that probably in this case you had hoped to hold onto for longer... you are going from newlywed to mom and your life will never be able to be solely about you and your husband pretty much ever again. It's sobering. But I have also heard that it is one of the most rewarding experiences you'll ever have.

Hang in there. I don't usually offer this, but if you want to chat further, feel free to PM me. Oh, and the second trimester totally does get SO much better. Yay for having energy again!! :)

Oh, a couple more things -- please don't beat yourself up over this. I felt like an idiot too (I was the one who initiated in the suspected baby-making incident), but remember that one, your husband was involved too, and two, when our bodies are healthy they are constantly conspiring against us to make babies. You win some, you lose some.

And I didn't address it before, but I feel you on the finance issue. We're both employed but it's very very low pay and I don't know how we're going to do it. Quite honestly, check your income levels against those required for WIC or Medicaid. We make just enough not to qualify, but maybe on one income you would. It's a huge blow to pride to do that, of course, but I mean, that's what it's there for, right? For people who are trying their darndest and then life just happens and they need a little help for a while.

Consider applying with a temp agency. Very likely the benefits will be expensive/limited, but they do offer them and lots of companies are far more willing in this economy to shell out for temps rather than make the bigger financial commitment of hiring a long-term worker. I work temp right now, and while I've had times where it was a day here, a day there, I'm right now working what is likely going to be a 6 month + position, which is very stable and nice.

And on miscarriages.. I probably sounded super-insensitive in my last post, I'm sorry. I really have no idea what it's like to go through that and my heart goes out to you for your former loss. Since I got pregnant, I've had one friend miscarry at 10 weeks and another go into pre-term labor and lose her twins at 5 months. It's incredibly frightening. Maybe this is weird, but what helps me is realizing that no matter how great of a mom I could or can be, my baby's life is not in my hands -- not now, not when he's born, not ever. I'm not sure if I can explain why that is comforting.. maybe just that I realize that if I should lose the baby, it will not be my fault, hence my worry is lessened.

I really hope this helps -- I am still so frightened and confused about my own pregnancy that I can say I know a little of what you're going through. Let us know if there's anyway we can help!