Who's DH is gone Mon-Fri for work? Come tell me about it!

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’ve been doing that exact situation for three years now. It’s miserable and I’d never suggest it for anyone. I’d never do it again regardless of the job or position, not worth it. We only have ten weeks left and I couldn’t be happier. It has taken a toll on our relationship. We’ve both gone through phases on depression caused by loneliness. I think the hardest thing for us has been that when I do come home on the weekends, he still has to work on the weekends and I still have things to get done. It’s not like we can just put our lives on hold for the weekend because I’m home. If it were me I’d strongly ask him to reconsider, from experience it just hasn’t been worth it. I complempated dropping out and coming home many times which is something I never in a million years thought I’d do. 

Post # 3
Member
8907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

April through mid-September, that’s my schedule – sometimes gone for 2 weeks at a time. And my husband works every other weekend. It sucks!! But we talk in the phone several times a day and you get through it ok. If its what you have to do for your career, it’s what you have to do. 

On the bright side, we both appreciate having time to ourselves to pursue our own interests, and we value and enjoy our time together that much more. 

One other benefit – it saves some money because I am on the company card for all my food, gas, etc. That really adds up!

Post # 5
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I was also home for summers and breaks. It made it soo much harder to leave again! Hopefully your situation goes a lot better than ours has!

Post # 6
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

 

mchitt329:  I am on the other side of this coin. I am the one who travels every week for work. It’s hard, but we have a good system and make it work. Some things to ease the frustration:

1. I leave him notes and cards at home telling him how much I miss him. Doing something for him always makes me feel better.

2. I try and get all of the errands and chores I can get done during the week when we are apart. I am out of town, so it’s hard, but I drop of my dry cleaning, pay all my bills, clip coupons, work out, call my mom/sister/friends and other things that would take time away from him on the weekends.

3. We have a specified time every night that we call and talk. Usually we have a short “how was your day?” convo when I leave work. That’s when we make plans to chat later that night. Usually somewhere between 8 and 10 pm we call each other and chat.

4. I know it’s hard, but keeping yourself busy will help. Cook dinner and maybe even prepare some weekend meals in advance. Hang out with your gal pals. Heck, sometimes I just walk around the mall for 2 hours not buying anything but to get out of my hotel room. Anything helps.

Luckily, he will only have to do it for a short time. I have been travelling weekly for a year and I have at least one more year of this job. It’s not easy, but you can do it!

Post # 7
Member
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

FI’s been working out of town Mon-Fri since last June. It’s not fun, and it will be an adjustment when he finally comes home, but I’ve been DIY-ing a lot of wedding stuff that requires a lot of time and attention, so I’ve had time for that without making him feel like he’s being ignored, which is good. I’m ready for him to be done though. I hate sleeping alone 🙁 It should only be another month or so though!

ETA: If you man’s the handy type and usually does the outdoor chores around your house, like mine is, you learn new things. For instance, this morning I had to learn to use our beast of a snowblower to get myself out from behind a 4ft snowdrift that collected overnight. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  capitalbee.
Post # 10
Member
8907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

mchitt329:  ooh, yeah, that would be tough to do 9 months a year. I get really sick of it after ~5. I’m a field biologist so that’s why I’m gone so much, and also why it’s seasonal. Luckily we can’t wildlfe surveys all fall and winter!

I also think its easier in a lot of ways to be the person leaving vs the person left behind. I mean, I miss my house and cats and friends and hobbies (and husband obviously!), but at least I’m in a whole new situation. It sucks when literally everything is the same except your partner is gone. (On the other hand, you’ll have your kitties and friends and hobbies to keep you occupied.)

Post # 11
Member
2242 posts
Buzzing bee

We’re in the opposite situation. During the fall, I’m gone Thursday-Sunday most weekends. The other weekends I work most of the time. I’m actually heading out of town on Monday for two weeks. 

It isn’t easy but you get used to it. I feel bad since I’m the one gone but there’s nothing you can do about it. All I can say is you get used to it. 

Post # 13
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

MY DH is gone all week Mon-Fri and we’ve been doing this for the last year and a half. He loves his job and plans to stay there for many years. Some weeks he comes home for a night or two and that’s always a wonderful surprise. We’ve been together 7 years and married for 2 1/2 years. We have always lived this way so for us when we spend full weeks together it takes some adjustment. Some weeks are very hard to get through and it can get very lonely. We just make the best of the time we do spend together. 

Post # 14
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

I’m surprised it’s for so long! When I was in Admissions and travelled I would travel for 6-8 weeks each fall, and about 2 weeks each spring. I think a lot of it is very difficult at first with the adjustment period, but then becomes more of a “normal” situation. I burned out on the amount of travel I did after four years though, and that was not going 9 months – just 2-3. (I should also note that I was single for the majority of this time, so sorry I can’t comment on how it affected relationships, other than it was hard to start a new one with being gone all the time!).

Typically in the Midwest the high school fair circuit is in the fall, but then drops off during bad weather season. We would schedule extra weeks in for individual HS visits, but would try to wrap those by mid-November as well. Then, depending on the counselor, some folks would kick up for another round in the spring. I liked it for those few years because it kept the job more interesting, gave a nice change of scenery, lots of free food, etc. But it also got old being away from my own bed, couldn’t have a pet and other limitations.

I feel like most college recruiters only stay in a heavy “on-the-road” schedule type position for 2-4 years before they accrue enough experience to move up in the office and travel less. It’s a pretty high turnover position, at least in the 3 Admission Offices I’ve worked in.

<br />Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
10490 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

We did this for a while and we didn’t love it, but it wasn’t super difficult.  It got tough when I had medical things I was dealing with and DH couldn’t be there, and paying 2 rents sucked though (DH was required to have a place in a particular town).

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