Post # 1
This is a follow on from another post about my ex best friend. Ive notice in the last year since i got engaged that ive lost 2 best friends (which hurts terribly) & lost touch with most other friends. its hitting me now that im getting married in a week. we are having a family only sort of destination wedding (where my family live but not where i live)
i am ok with the family only wedding, i just feel that after the wedding i will need to get onto getting back in touch with my old friends, becoming closer with my fiances friends & their wives & somehow make new friends. i feel a bit isolated that i have no family left in my hometown where we live.
i know getting married means lots of changes how did u cope with theses changes & did u find a lot of ur friendships changed? how did u make new friends? i am really close to my family & have a fair few close cousins my age but they all live 500 miles away/i see them 3 times a year
Post # 3
any personal stories would be good thanks:) or any advice for how to get back in with friends who u’ve lost touch with
Post # 4
Well, for me personally, I have friends that aren’t interested in hearing about anything in my life, or at least it seems. And this has distanced us a bit…
I remember I was out to eat with some friends and they spent a long time talking about their troubles with the guys that they see, etc. Later on, I brought up what I was doing with my business that I’m starting and my friend said, “let’s not talk about work right now!” I felt a little hurt considering I didn’t have any relationship problems to talk about.
It ended up that this happened every time we met, so I really had to reconsider things with some friends.
I have other friends who are great though and even when they were single they took the time to ask me how things were with FI. I’m normally the type to listen to their problems and give advice when I can, but they made sure that the relationship stayed balanced – which I really appreciated. =)
I think sometimes it happens… people drift apart because their lives are going in different directions. And we meet new friends who are more where we are at. =)
Post # 5
@YogaFaerie: i agree it is so hard when ur lives r going in 2 different directions & have nothing in common or ur sick of hearing the same problems u all had years ago – like when the single girls have a jerk boyfriends & u dont. thats exciting u have a business im sorry they didnt listen to u!
i have found with my work buddies we all made an effort to hang out every month etc & have all got our own stuff going on now & time just flies. also for the friends that were happy for us getting engaged i find that we dont have much in common as they have not much responsibility but we now have a mortgage, dont drink or party much & r focusing on really important goals right now. thanks for ur reply. i like to know im not alone!
Post # 6
If it were me I’d call up old friends you haven’t seen in a while and go “hey, how are you” (etc) “I’ve missed you, would you like to go out for dinner/drinks/to a museum/play squash/watch NASCAR/etc” (whatever you enjoyed with these friends before).
It’s pretty normal for friendships to get neglected in new romance or life changes, but good friends are the ones you can contact a year later and it’s like you talked to them yesterday!
Having moved around alot growing up and early adulthood I met most of my newer friends at school/work or through hobbies.
I wish you luck! It always seems hard to make new friends to me, then before you know it you have them.
ETA: I don’t feel that getting married effected my friendships at all. We love/care/like each other for who we are, not where we are in life.
Post # 7
My boyfriend and I have shared friends… most are male. One of them lately has been acting like a real assh*le, and we’re kind of done with him. Two of our friends are a couple in a relationship, and then there’s the assh*le, but he’s been the 5th wheel for over 5 years. Now that me and the BF want to get engaged/married, and our couple-friends are finally moving in together, I think the 5th-wheel-assh*le just feels out of place… we’re losing touch with him quickly as the weeks pass on.
Post # 8
MEEEEE!!! This is such a sensitive topic for me because I was extremely close to a woman for years and the second I said we were looking at rings to get engaged, she literally disappeared.
She went from someone I spoke to nearly daily, via phone or text to someone I maybe spoke with once a week. She stopped responding to texts or would wait like 3-4 days in between them…even if I asked “How are you?”… It was really weird. I tried to meet up with her but she was constantly “busy”…no matter what I tried. I just stopped after a while. She barely acknowledged my engagement, with a rude comment on Facebook no less, and pretty much became one of the biggest bitches I’ve known.
I could have never imagined she would be this way…ever. I emphatically stuck up for her when people suggested she was envious as she was single, never married and her most recent ex denied her marriage.
So I say to all of this…marriage and engagements do weird things to people…I think you see how your friendships really are when it happens. I know I have.
I have never been the kind of woman who gives up my friends for a guy…still not. I need my girls…always will. I also don’t think my marriage or wedding is more important than anything else that goes on…it’s important for me and FI but not for everyone else. The part that hurt the most was she was with me through sooo much and was an instant pick for a BM. I’m still sad that she won’t be there on my wedding day…we don’t talk anymore.
Post # 9
This is me to! I’ve lost so many good friends since me and my FI moved in together years ago. Just when someone puts zero effort into a friendship what can you do? I’m happy with my hubby and am now friends with a lot of his friends but it makes me sad sometimeswhen I think about it. I don’t have that many girlfriends anymore and everyone I work with is at least 20 years older than me.
Post # 10
I’ve gained some and sort of drifted from others.
A close friend of mine is in a very different stage of life to me (no serious relationship and happy dating casually) and she doesn’t seem at all interested in wedding talk. I don’t expect her to follow my every move with regards to wedding planning, but she doesn’t even acknowledge it and prefers to talk only about herself. I’ve found myself spending less time with her because the time we do spend together is all about her.
On the other hand, I’ve met two awesome girls in my university course in the last year who will be friends for life.
Post # 11
thanks for ur replies ladies keep the suggestions/stories coming! i guess it just makes u feel better that u r not alone even though u can feel alone.
@MrsTangerine: thanks for ur suggestions! true before u know it ur have made new friends at work/school without thinking about it.
@AquaGrey8962: yep he sounds like an ass! good that ur losing touch with him he should get a life
@Coral99: that sux that she turned on u like that especially as she was such a good friend that u would have had her as a bridesmaid. she sounds jealous of u getting married.
@letselopetoeurope53: yes it is hard when people dont put the effort in. making friends withhis friends is good as i have been making an effort but nothing beats having ur own best friend/s that know u inside out
@littlebeanpole: yes i think this is just part of life that u make new friends & lose touch with others. thats disappointing that she just talks about herself & is not interested in ur happiness/wedding planning. good to hear u made some new friends.