Who's name should the kids have?

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: What should we do about our future kids surname?
    Dad's name and suck it up : (31 votes)
    57 %
    Dad's name and possibly Mum's name when they are old enough to decide : (6 votes)
    11 %
    Mum's name : (17 votes)
    31 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6744 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Can you hyphenate the last name? Or would that be worse?

    Post # 3
    Member
    2566 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    How about both?  Hyphenate, and they can decide when they’re older.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3541 posts
    Sugar bee

    Lauren267:  While I don’t want you to reveal his last name, why would he be bullied over a last name?  Is it Dickinson or some similar name to that?  I was made fun of as a kid but never for my name, first or last, and I had “ass” in my maiden name.  I would have them have your FH’s name more becuase he would like that despite the fact that they could be made fun of.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3347 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t agree that there’s a hard and fast rule for this- because I know most people automatically give kids the dad’s last name. My parents didn’t share the same last name until I was 11 and I have my mom’s name.

    I think women have just as much right to give kids their last name- after all, you grew and birthed them! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2593 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    IMO, they should have the father’s last name if the couple is married, and if not, the mother’s name. But if Dad has a truly awful last name that could lead to mockery or raised eyebrows in LO’s life, I would go with Mom’s name.  My SIL is dating a perfectly nice young man with a cringe-worthy last name, and I just hope that if kids are in the future for them, they have HER last name! 

    Post # 10
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Hmm my FI has a last name that it’s easy to make fun of especially in French (main language where we are from) so we will probably give both his last name and mine to our future kids… Mine is harder to spell/pronounce but it has no negative meaning… in your case well you could discuss your worries to your SO and see if there’s a chance he’d accept to give only the initial of his name? In any case even if you end up just using his last name your kids will survive just like your SO did… 

    Post # 11
    Member
    10992 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Since it sounds as if your entire last name already is contained within your FH’s last name, I think it makes sense for the children to have his last name.  Some who do not know your FI’s last name may even assume that your children have a combined last name. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    602 posts
    Busy bee

    My paternal grandparents have a terrible last name. It’s common in the country they’re from but in the states, it’s an insult. When my mother married my father, she refused to take his name which he was fine with since he always hated the name and was tortured growing up because of it. They both legally changed their last names to something far less awful. That’s the name that I was given and used until I married my husband and took his last name. I’m so grateful that my mother put her foot down and refused to conform to what was “expected” of her. It ruffled some feathers in my fathers family but she really didn’t care.

    Since your BIL legally changed his last name, maybe your husband would be open to it as well? After my parents changed their name, my father’s sister did too (to our last name).

    I would never sign my kid up for a lifetime of ridicule because of a name. If your husbands surname is as bad as my paternal grandparents, I’m confident that your son or daughter could face misery over a stupid name. It’s sad that people are criticized over something that that they can’t control but kids (and adults for that matter) are dicks. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My mom didn’t take my dad’s last name.  My brother and I have her last name as our middle name, and my dad’s last name as our last name.

    Unfortunately, this means that I’ve given up hope of giving our child either of my parents’ names.  My husband wanted me to take his last name, but I just didn’t feel right about it.  So, when our child is born, he/she will have my husband’s last name.  It would be too many names to give him/her both my last names as well, so away they go.  =(

    OP, neither I nor my brother was ever bullied for our mom not having our same last name.  Some teachers thought our parents were divorced, but it wasn’t a big deal.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    3201 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Lauren267:  Is he opposed to you each selecting a new last name? If it’s truly awful and he was teased so much as a child and even now as an adult in the army, I’m really not sure WHY he’d want to shove that onto your child. If your name has part of his name in it, I’d suggest just taking your name. My friend’s mom did not like her husband’s name, so she didn’t take it. The girls have HER last name, not his. Still together, still a happy family.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2219 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1987

    You could take the Icelandic approach.  John’s son takes the surname Johnson while Lauren’s daughter takes the surname Laurensdottir.

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