Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2015 - Bali
We are about to get married and I am not changing my last name. A fact that FI is fine with.
He has a surname that he does get some flack about, especially as he is in the military – where everyone is known by their last name and boys will be boys.
He hates it when people make fun of his name and has said that it happened alot in high school. His older brother actually changed his last name legally to something else.
When we were discussing me keeping my maiden name, we also discussed what name our children should have and he said he thinks that they should have his. I have no issue having a different surname to my children. I guess I just worry about them being bullied for it. Kids can be so cruel. I also don’t want to offend FI. I imagine it would be hard for a guy having children without his name.
Thanks for your input
Post # 2
Can you hyphenate the last name? Or would that be worse?
Post # 3
How about both? Hyphenate, and they can decide when they’re older.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2015 - Bali
Part of his surname is in mine. It would sound like a stutter.
Post # 5
Lauren267: While I don’t want you to reveal his last name, why would he be bullied over a last name? Is it Dickinson or some similar name to that? I was made fun of as a kid but never for my name, first or last, and I had “ass” in my maiden name. I would have them have your FH’s name more becuase he would like that despite the fact that they could be made fun of.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2015 - Bali
mrs.joiner: Thank you. That’s the way I was leaning.
Post # 7
I don’t agree that there’s a hard and fast rule for this- because I know most people automatically give kids the dad’s last name. My parents didn’t share the same last name until I was 11 and I have my mom’s name.
I think women have just as much right to give kids their last name- after all, you grew and birthed them!
Post # 8
Lauren267: Oh man. You can do what this family did: http://www.npr.org/2014/09/15/347954339/creating-your-baby-s-last-name-tennessee-says-no
I suggest Bamf. And if people ask where the “f” came from, just say, “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
Post # 9
IMO, they should have the father’s last name if the couple is married, and if not, the mother’s name. But if Dad has a truly awful last name that could lead to mockery or raised eyebrows in LO’s life, I would go with Mom’s name. My SIL is dating a perfectly nice young man with a cringe-worthy last name, and I just hope that if kids are in the future for them, they have HER last name!
Post # 10
Hmm my FI has a last name that it’s easy to make fun of especially in French (main language where we are from) so we will probably give both his last name and mine to our future kids… Mine is harder to spell/pronounce but it has no negative meaning… in your case well you could discuss your worries to your SO and see if there’s a chance he’d accept to give only the initial of his name? In any case even if you end up just using his last name your kids will survive just like your SO did…
Post # 11
Since it sounds as if your entire last name already is contained within your FH’s last name, I think it makes sense for the children to have his last name. Some who do not know your FI’s last name may even assume that your children have a combined last name.
Post # 12
My paternal grandparents have a terrible last name. It’s common in the country they’re from but in the states, it’s an insult. When my mother married my father, she refused to take his name which he was fine with since he always hated the name and was tortured growing up because of it. They both legally changed their last names to something far less awful. That’s the name that I was given and used until I married my husband and took his last name. I’m so grateful that my mother put her foot down and refused to conform to what was “expected” of her. It ruffled some feathers in my fathers family but she really didn’t care.
Since your BIL legally changed his last name, maybe your husband would be open to it as well? After my parents changed their name, my father’s sister did too (to our last name).
I would never sign my kid up for a lifetime of ridicule because of a name. If your husbands surname is as bad as my paternal grandparents, I’m confident that your son or daughter could face misery over a stupid name. It’s sad that people are criticized over something that that they can’t control but kids (and adults for that matter) are dicks.
Post # 13
My mom didn’t take my dad’s last name. My brother and I have her last name as our middle name, and my dad’s last name as our last name.
Unfortunately, this means that I’ve given up hope of giving our child either of my parents’ names. My husband wanted me to take his last name, but I just didn’t feel right about it. So, when our child is born, he/she will have my husband’s last name. It would be too many names to give him/her both my last names as well, so away they go. =(
OP, neither I nor my brother was ever bullied for our mom not having our same last name. Some teachers thought our parents were divorced, but it wasn’t a big deal.
Post # 14
Lauren267: Is he opposed to you each selecting a new last name? If it’s truly awful and he was teased so much as a child and even now as an adult in the army, I’m really not sure WHY he’d want to shove that onto your child. If your name has part of his name in it, I’d suggest just taking your name. My friend’s mom did not like her husband’s name, so she didn’t take it. The girls have HER last name, not his. Still together, still a happy family.
Post # 15
You could take the Icelandic approach. John’s son takes the surname Johnson while Lauren’s daughter takes the surname Laurensdottir.