(Closed) Who’s Right? Who Pays?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: Who pays for the wedding party attire?
    The bride & groom should pay-it's their wedding, after all! : (0 votes)
    The wedding party should pay-it's part of accepting the responsibility : (21 votes)
    100 %
    Other (explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3332 posts
    Sugar bee

    As far as I’ve ever heard, wedding party members are always responsible for paying for their own attire.  That means tux rental & shoes for the guys and dresses, jewelery, shoes for the gals.  I have heard of brides/grooms who offer to pay for these things, but it’s not required.  Honestly, if I had been asked to be a BM, I would expect to pay for these things–that’s what’s usually done.

    I gave my BM jewelery as a gift, but they bought their own shoes and dresses.  Our guys paid for their tux rentals and wore their own shoes.

    Post # 4
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Honestly, you shouldn’t feel bad for having them pay for themselves. I think when you accept a role in the wedding party, it should be understood that you’ll be responsible for your attire, accessories and any travel costs.

    I think it’s great when the couple offers to pay for everything, but I know we couldn’t afford to, either. I’m siding with you, 100 percent.

    Post # 6
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    i’ve seen both: where the bms paid for everything on their own and ones where the bride paid for everything.  as a compromise to your groom could you pay for either  dress / shoes / accessories in lieu of a bm’s gift? if you already have a gift budgeted, that would just offset costs / funds? else i don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking bm’s to pay – just make sure they know what to expect upfront from budget perspective.

    Post # 7
    Member
    950 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Maybe your FI just wants equal treatment for his BM as you gave your MOH?  Since you bought her shoes & jewelry (with what some consider joint money), maybe doing something equivalent would assuage your FI.  Just a thought.

    As for tradition, for every wedding I’ve been in (4), I’ve had to pay for my shoes & dress for all but one…and in that one, the bride’s mother made the BMs’ dresses while we used our own strappy black shoes.  So don’t feel guilty & I wouldn’t shell out for any of the other groomsmen if you haven’t paid for anything for the bridesmaids.

    Post # 8
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I covered all my bridesmaid’s stuff, but mom made the dress and i let them pick out their own shoes so the girls bought their own. And we told the guys to wear whatever black shoes they wanted. We offset the cost of the tuxes in lieu of a gift though. We were going to get them cufflinks, but honestly, most of them had those and told us they appreciated the $50 gift cards. You’ll buy them gifts anyways, right? So that was practical for us and it was win-win.

    Could you help out in a smaller way? Since he wants to cover all and you want to cover none, how about meeting in the middle and skipping a dinner or two out on the town? Set aside a certain budget for what you’re willing to help out for.

    Post # 9
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I’ve seen it done both ways. Our bridal party paid for their own things, with the exception of one bm who recently became laid off–we decided to cover her dress which she gladly accepted and will not be giving her a gift. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee

    I have never heard of the bride & groom paying for the groomsmen & bridesmaids attire. Ever.

    The only time I see it happen is if you really really want someone in your party who can’t afford it on their own but thats the only reason they say no.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Never heard of the couple paying for their attendants’ attire. The only they pay for is their flowers. Everything else is up to the bridesmaids and groomsmen. That includes any accessories the bridesmaids may wear or hair/makeup on the wedding day.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    my friend offered to pay for part of my bridesmaid’s dress because it was super expensive and she knew that i’m unemployed at the moment, but that was just a nice offer and not something that was expected of her. i’ve never heard of that tradition.

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