Post # 1
I got engaged in late June, and my fiance and I wanted to have an engagement party for a couple of reasons. We were thinking a casual backyard BBQ would be fun, but then some family drama pushed the party back from August to October. I’m fine with that, but I’ve run into a few issues.
My parents and my grandparents both live nearby, and they all want me to have an engagement party, but nobody has volunteered to host. My fiance thinks his parent’s place would be a good location, and they do have a beautfiul home, but my Future Mother-In-Law hasn’t volunteered to host either. Our personal apartment is currently not an option, and our family knows that, plus I keep hearing that its bad form to host the party ourselves. I feel like my family expects me to ask one of them if I can host the party at their home, but do all the planning and preparations myself. Is that going against good form? To be honest, my Future Mother-In-Law, my mom, and my grandma all LOVE party planning, and I have no idea why none of them have volunteered to do something for us. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I talked about it, and she doesn’t mind taking over planning duties but again, it wouldn’t be at her apartment. Should I ask one of my relatives if my Maid/Matron of Honor can co-host there or should I drop hints about somebody volunteering to host? Should I just leave etiquette behind this once and try to throw the party myself?
I’m so confused! What do you think?
Post # 3
Im in the same boat….but my fi and i have a home so we are just going to have it at our home… the only problem i have is the family drama my parents are divorced and hate each other and they each say that if the other parent is there they will not attend….it sucks but what is meant to be will be.
Post # 4
An engagement party would be fun, but if no one has offered to host maybe you should consider not having one. There will be plenty of celebrating as the wedding date gets closer. That’s my two cents. However, if your heart is set, I would ask your future in-laws to host the party for you.
Post # 5
I think the technical ettiquette is that the bride and groom should not host an engagement party. I agree with JenniB- someone should really offer to host it for you. Or, just ask, since they all want it. In the end, just do what you want, if oyu don’t care about the ettiquette that is totally fine!
Post # 6
I read in the knot’s book of lists that traditionally the brides parents hosts the engagement party adn the groom’s family hosts the rehearsal dinner.
My parents are divorced too and my mom threw a fit because she thought she was a part of hosting it. I had the engagement party at my dad’s house. I didn’t think that was right for my mom to say she was hosting it too when my parents are divorced, it’s at my dad’s house and my parents have barely been civil to each other for years. I eventually gave up and it’s funny because later, Future Mother-In-Law said she thought it was nice of my mom to thank people for coming even thought she wasn’t hosting it. So it doesn’t matter what your mother thinks, it’s what the guests think. I didn’t tell anyone who was hosting it because it was obvious my dad was.
My dad never would’ve thought of volunteering so I just asked, “can we have the engagement party here?” We did a bbq as well and he was grilling away, he loved it!
Post # 7
I don’t understand why no one will step up to the plate and offer to host or co-host an e-party for you. Especially since you have mentioned they want you to have one.
If you’re going by etiquette, typically someone should throw the party in honor of you and your Fiance. A close cousin of mine threw our party. We helped out minimally and then just enjoyed ourselves. However, we live in a day and age where there is nothing wrong with going against the grain. If you want to have an e-party and no one is offering to host, talk with your mom about it. It wouldn’t be so much fun to be the actual host of your own party since it’s technically for you and Fiance but do what you need to do if you want to make it happen.
Post # 8
I would think that typically, your parents or FI’s parents should be offering to host (especially since they are bugging you about having an engagement party!). I would think it would be more appropriate for Maid/Matron of Honor to co-host a shower, especially since the engagement party will probably be a bigger party and include many more family members- I feel like it’s a big burden to put on one person.
It’s kind of awkward to start the conversation, but maybe Fiance can mention to his mom that people have been asking if you were going to have an engagement party, and that he thought their house would be a good place to have it, and see what she says. Maybe you can get your parents on board with “co-hosting”, or mention to his mom that your Maid/Matron of Honor wanted to help.
If that doesn’t work out, then you could always do the planning yourself with Maid/Matron of Honor as the actual “hostess” of the event; no one has to know that you planned your own party 🙂