Post # 1
Whose fault is it when an in law forgets your birthday? DH or FFIL/FMIL? or both?
Just wondering the opinions on this. Future in-laws forget my birthday, every year despite having been with FI for 7 going on 8 years. We celebrate their birthdays, every year.
Is it FI’s responsibility to remind them? My parents say he should. i feel super awkward about it. I feel if they were active in our lives then they would be aware of, at the very least, the month it is in. I dont think it is appropriate for him to call and say “BTW its ABC’s birthday, you should wish her a happy birthday”
*Ill just add a note: They are HUGE on birthdays… their birthdays, their kid’s birthdays, their parent’s birthdays… even their pet’s birthdays!!!
Post # 3
It’s mine. Sorry. 🙂
I think i need some more info,
Are they just not birthday people? How is your relationship with them? Have you pissed them off in some way shape or form? Are they older/ oblvious? Do they just not KNOW when your birthday is? ect.
Post # 4
@SillyFruit: That is a sticky situation. Maybe he should call them to say and try to casually mention it? I do see why it would be awkward, but 7 birthdays? That is a lot and maybe he should even say that. Do your parents celebrate his?
Post # 5
@SillyFruit: i can honestly say that i don’t really remember my inlaws’ birthdays and my dh reminds me or just sends them wishes for the both of us.
i know that he reminds them when it’s my birthday. if they don’t remember, i honestly am not offended.
Post # 6
I think this depends on how important birthdays are to you.
I firmly believe that if you’re above 10, birthdays are optional. If someone remembers, great! If not, well, the world isn’t going to end.
If they are important to you, that’s all well and dandy but it is a bit presumptious to walk around going, “Remember now, my birthday is next week!”
I’d have your SO work it into conversation if it’s that necessary, but I personally don’t feel people need to be called up to tell them to wish you a happy birthday/send you things/send a card.
Post # 7
i picked both but really, no one? if they want to remember they’ll write it down–maybe they just aren’t that into birthdays. my in laws arent super into gifts or anything and def don’t remember my birthday (DH and i have been together 9 years) & i really dont care
Post # 8
@Hyperventilate: I’m in total agreement with you about this. However, in my husband’s family, everyone gets a huge special dinner just for them. This is so important that we aren’t even considering leaving for our honeymoon (late, we’re going in June) on a day that could conflict with my husband’s father’s birthday. He will be like 67!!! Who the hell cares??!! UGH.
Post # 9
We live 15 minutes away from them. See them 2x a month. They are just wrapped up in their own worlds. They are HUGE on birthdays so I see it as very insulting that they forget mine. If FI misses any of his 4 sibling’s birthdays they would be very upset. We always gift give on their birthdays etc. Every present of course is BY ME. We get along great. I just think they think that everything is about them. :-/ and really are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they fail to see ours. Even though we see them 2x a month, they NEVER ask us- how we are, or what we are up to. Its very strange for me. My parents are super active in my life and always celebrate FI’s birthday (with no reminder… needed lol). They are in the mid 40s. They do know when it is 🙁 and if they didnt they could look it up on FB, or ask… lol! I mean in 7 years do they think, I did not have one birthday. One year they mentioned that they had a gift, but never gave it to me.
Its weird too because even if his mom doesnt know the exact date, she knows im a Virgo?… So at one point she DID know my birthday and DOES know it falls between specific dates. Yet she never igknowledges it.
Post # 10
maybe they just dont see birthdays as a big deal for adults i wouldnt sweat it
DH always reminds me of his families birthdays so i think it should work in reverse too
Post # 11
Im only hurt because THEY ARE SUPER IN TO BIRTHDAYS! Like SUPER. We all go out to each to celebrate each birthday and give gifts. 99% of the time theres balloons and party hats involved… Like I said, SUPER in to birthdays. His mom even gets a little upset that she doesnt always get to see FI on his actual birthday.. (sometimes we go on vacation because it falls during a convient time for us to take off of work).
Post # 12
Well then have Fi bring it up when it gets closer to your B-day. or when you see them say something along the lines of ” Fi and i were talking about doing blank for my birthday, its this day”
Post # 13
MIL’s birthday is the day before mine, but we’ve never exchanged happy birthdays! And we actually do know when the other one’s is. And we get along great!
I don’t think its anyone’s fault.
Post # 14
My future ILs always remember my birthday, but I only remember the months of theirs. I’m not great at remembering birthdays beyond the month except for SO and my parents. So, sure, he could remind them a few weeks ahead of time, and they could write it on the calendar. I suppose I vote both.
Post # 15
Its life. My in laws forget, my parents forget DHs. We don’t even notice half the time…but,. If its really that important to you that your in laws do something then have your husband bring it up in casual conversation before hand … “Wife and I are going out to dinner to celebrate her birthday on Friday”…. I inadvertently do that with my parents and usually its ” omg I forgot it was his birthday!”
Post # 16
I remember DH birthday because it is on a holiday. I remember my mom’s because it out was our voicemail passcode. I remember my bestfriends because we are 1 week apart and we have been close for over 10 years.
For everyone else in our family, my mom sends out a “birthday fairy text” to remind everyone to text, call, or facebook the birthday boy or girl.
I think DH should remind his parents (maybe just bring it up in conversation that week?) but try not to take it too personally if they don’t remember!