"Why 30 is not the new 20"….thoughts? (TED Talk)

posted 3 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 4
Member
4395 posts
Honey bee

Maybe if the 30’s were the new 20’s. people would stop having mid-life crises at 40 because they spent years actually figuring out what they wanted to do with their lives.

Post # 5
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@bmo88:  for me, my early twenties were a throw away, mid-twenties were a transitional phase (finishing internship, starting my first career, moving to a new city, etc) and my late twenties I was definitely “defining myself”

So, much happens in a decade and priorities change as you grow. I’ve never met an individual who thought of their twenties as a “throwaway” decade. That’s really just silly. 

Post # 6
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@bmo88:  As someone who did (and was encouraged to) throw away my 20s, I actually have to agree with the speaker. I’m starting off my 30s on shaky ground b/c I wasn’t building a foundation in my 20s. Whenever I would feel lost in my 20s, everyone was all, “Oh, you’re young! You’ll have time!” so what was the point in striving?

I do however, think that this applies only to your own personal development though. I don’t agree that you should settle down and get married in your 20s just to be an adult. If you so happen to meet your DH in your 20s – that’s fine, but it shouldn’t be a goal. Basically, if it’s a goal that you can control, then by all means, it should be worked on in your 20s and not given the “Oh, but you’re so young and have time” excuse. B/c guess what? At the end of the day – you may have time to be in your 20s and goof off, but you won’t have time after your 20s to pick up the pieces.

Post # 7
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married later and having children later.

Benefit of getting married later: dating different people, and dating one person for a long time before engagement can help you feel more sure that the person you are marrying really is a good choice for you. and some of these people have not met their SO until later. I didn’t meet mine until I was 30, but I’m glad we waited 4 years before getting married. I was 100% sure that we were compatible after all those years!

Haing kids later: well, the obvious: life experiences. Focusing on career, travelling, and other things that can be possible – but way harder – when you have babies in tow. also, you are likely to be more financially prepared for it. of course we need to factor in the rising acceptance of choosing to not have kids at all. 

As for starting a career later: I personally would not encourage doing this on purpose. I tried really hard to get my career started out of college but it was just really hard to get my foot in the door! 

Post # 8
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I didn’t watch the thingy, so I could be missing some complexities, but I think one thing that’s missing (at least from the text in the OP) is that a lot of people don’t WANT to throw away their 20s… but despite their best efforts, they just can’t seem to get their adult life going.

I was lucky.. I finished university at 23 and quickly found a career-track job. I’m 28 now and have lots of experience now. I recently got married. We’re in a good place financially etc. On the other hand, my sister did everything “right” as well.. in fact she did better in school than I did. She decided to pursue her masters. She now can’t find anything in her field.. but has two degrees, one from an excellent school. She recently moved out on her own, but she definitely isn’t in a place that she expected career-wise or financially.

I do agree that in general, there is a lot of messaging out there about peoples’ 20s being a throw-away decade.. and I disagree with it. I am sometimes amazed at how far behind some of my peers are than I am.. but I try not to judge because you just never know why.

 

Post # 10
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@nerdybird:  As for starting a career later: I personally would not encourage doing this on purpose. I tried really hard to get my career started out of college but it was just really hard to get my foot in the door! 

This. One thing that pepole in their 20s have to deal with today is the crappy economy. We didn’t have the luxury of living in the 80s and 90s when we were doing better economically, and a college degree got you a very well-paying job. Many of us graduated college post-9/11 when things were bad. They were bad when I interviewed for my first post-college job in 2005 and are even worse now.

Post # 11
Member
4395 posts
Honey bee

I dislike the terminology of “falling behind” as if life is a race. I think that represents a philosophy that is fundamentally antithetical to mine. We’re all going to end up in the same place. Some of us have a different philosophy about what we want to do before we get there.

Post # 12
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bmo88:  i’ve watched this TED talk before and it’s one of my favorites. i agree with everything she says here.

Post # 14
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee

  • “When you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, ‘You have 10 extra years to start your life’ … you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition.”

This quote gave me pause because I’m in my late 30’s now and people my age are dying. What if I didn’t have 10 extra years in my 20’s or now for that matter? I think the older I get the more important time is to me. I didn’t think about it too much in my 20’s. Interesting article. 

 

Post # 15
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I heard someone talk about this subject on NPR and find it very interesting. I am in my mid-thirties now and wouldn’t say my 20s were a throwaway, but they were definitely a huge transitional time for me. I was working on defining myself in my 20s…but first I had to get to KNOW myself…which also took some time. I didn’t feel like I really knew what I wanted until I was 28. Then it was about moving in that direction. I didn’t really “get started” until I was 32. 

But that said, I think it’s very important for 20-somethings to be thinking about 401ks and their health, etc as early as possible. That doesn’t necessarily mean they also need a partner, career, and kids.

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