WHY am I having so much difficulty with this PRENUP!??!

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@KristynGuelph: I wouldn’t call the engagement off over this. It sounds like the prenup is reasonable, and if the business isn’t even doing that well, why would have trouble signing it away?

Is it more the idea of signing a prenup that bothers you, or this specific prenup?

Post # 4
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

Hmm, the only thing that bothers me is it seems news to you. I thought a pre-nup, just like any other contract like this (ex.: common-law contracts in Québec which is kind of a prenup for people who choose not to marry) must be discussed between the two before being put into a contract, then signed. I don’t understand why your FI would just decide on a prenup, give it to you, and expect you to sign, no questions asked ? 

I understand he wants to protects his business in case you divorce one day (and by not having anything to do with his business, it prevents him from losing part of it especially if it’s not *that* successful), but I would not sign anything that was not discussed openly (and negociated if needed) first.

 

Post # 5
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I signed a prenup that also gave me zero right to his (quite successful) business. However there were allowances made for me within. Try not to look at it as a deal breaker, but as an evolving document. You can make changes that will make it more acceptable to you.

Post # 6
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

I suggest you hire an attorney to look it over. It may be that a little tweeking and everyone will be happy.  

Post # 7
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

I would really struggle with a pre-nup personally. The fact that my FI would rather not marry me than risk losing a share of his business in a divorce would be very concerning to me, it’s like he is choosing money over me. I know however, many people sign them and are totally comfortable with them, so certainly, to each their own.

Post # 8
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@KristynGuelph:  Welcome to the bee!  You’re my neighbour (i’m in mississauga) used to live in Guelph!

If the pre-nup is JUST protecting the business and not any other asset acquired during your marriage I don’t think I’d be that concerned about it.  Have a lawyer look it over, make sure there are no red flags.  Can you counter that under certain circumstance you would be entitled to XX profit from said business – or on the flip side, you’re indemified from any financial liability while you’re married should the business fail?

Post # 9
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As a businessman, he should have some sort of protection over his business. It should also be fair to you, though. I know that while my husband has started businesses, I 100% support the two of us. I cover his student loan debt and pay all the bills because we’re a team, and I am in favor of his taking a risk to start a business. However, I also see this as being my contribution to the business. If it were to become successful and we happened to divorce, I’d feel that my sacrifices were worth a small part of the company. So maybe there’s something like that which needs to be worked in.

For what it’s worth, we didn’t have a prenup, and in California, I believe I’d be legally entitled to 50% of the company if we were to divorce.

Post # 10
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@Mdmc:  +1

 

I’d have my own personal lawyer seperate from any associated with your husband review it. prenups dont have to be deal breakers but it is something you want to evaluate especially because he is so adamant about you signing it or no marriage. 

however, I personally arent too comfortable with them. you have to lookout for yourself too. i just dont like how marriage has become a matter of money.

Post # 11
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Hi There, I just wanted to give you my opinion…

I do not believe in prenups usually.. However that being said..

I am part of a family business that my parents started. My two brothers and I all work for the business. We recently lost my mother so we will be splitting the shares between the four of us (My dad, me, my Two brothers). We have all agreed to sign a prenup in order to protect the business. If we didnt get a prenup the business could be torn apart by a angry exspouse.. and essecially this is my moms legacy so we want to make sure that doesnt happen.

Now I am not sure if your fiancee has anyone else in this business. But I don’t think that a prenup over a business should be a deal breaker. He can make it so that he still owes you half the money if you were to break up but essentially you would not have any say in the business. I feel that if you didnt have any say in the business while you were together, then you shouldnt when youre apart.

Post # 12
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So if you are married for 20 years, meanwhile the business has become successful, and he decides to cheat on you and you get a divorce, you get nothing? No. 

I could understand if it was a business his parents or grandparents started, but if it’s just him that’s ridiculous. I’d tell him to shove it. 

Post # 13
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Pre-nups should protect both parties. I would have your lawyer review it and ensure that your needs are being met as well. That’s the only way I would sign one.

I think that if he wants all business profits to himself if you divorce, he should also get all business debts (say it comes to that) to himself as well. Doesn’t go both ways!

Post # 14
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee

I think this is something that YOU have to be with. And of you aren’t, don’t sign it . 

As a pp mentioned, I would see it fair that whatever he currently owns is always his but once you are married should his company produce amazing results because he’s been able to put the time ( as you’ve been working extra hrs to cover the bills because he’s cut down to concentrate in the business ) then absolutely you should be entitled to some if things weren’t to work out !

Post # 15
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

The ‘no sign, no marriage’ sounds quite cold to me.  I wouldn’t be signing after that comment.  That’s what would bother me the most.

Post # 16
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your lawyer should review it.

Also, a prenup does not say you have zero interest in his business. It says in the event of DIVORCE you have no interest. He could leave you the entire company in his will. A prenup is only effective in the event of a dissolution of the marriage (IANAL).

He should be able to protect his assets. My husband and I signed a prenup (I initiated it) to protect us both. In the event of divorce, I keep all my assets (house, retirements, investments) and he keeps his (retirement). I worked very hard for what I have. I’m going to protect myself. As is your fiance.

People seem to get offended by prenups when they dont have significant assets and their fiance does. People that have equal assets or zero assets don’t (and dont really need them).

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