Why am I more understanding?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2387 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@PositiveThinking:  I can’t offer any advice except what has worked for us, and what seems to be the general concenus here on the bee: It’s his family let him decide what/if/how he wants to deal with their relationships. We live across the country from our families and only visit once a year, and we have great relationships with them even still…. 

DH deals with his family, I deal with mine; and it’s worked fabulously so far. The only time we’ve really had trouble is when we don’t follow this rule. However it is different for each couple and you two need to agree on what works best for you. 

Post # 4
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I would tell him about the seat sale, and ask him again to reconsider visiting his family. Tell him that SIL, his niece, etc. are looking forward to seeing him. Also ask him if he is comfortable with not seeing his own niece until she is much more grown up if he doesn’t want to see his family for years. If he still refuses to go maybe you could just go alone, but tell his family that your DH is busy with work or something.

Is it possible to invite BIL and his family to come visit you guys instead?

Post # 5
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yikes, how tough – but I commend you for your actions. I can really feel your generosity and compassion through your words. I do agree with PP that he needs to deal with his own family. Maybe you can help him find closure with his issues by encouraging him to “confront” those that have hurt the both of you.

Post # 6
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Can you get the brother to visit you?

While you acknowlege past history, it can be a burdan that is not easily overcome.  Give your husband permission to deal with his family the way he wants to.  He moved away for a reason, his mental health is more important than his brother/niece.

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