- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I have noticed that I am far more forgiving and tolerant of my husband’s family than he is. I don’t understand why and I am hoping the Bees can offer insight.
My in-laws live more than 10 hours away by car. We have made the trip twice. Each time, my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law have made loud and humiliating scenes. My mother-in-law insulted me each visit; one was about my weight and the other was about my snoring. More than one person ends up crying when my brother-in-law or his mother make a scene. My MIL can be very kind and thoughtful. However, she has moments of being very rude.
My poor husband is beyond ashamed that his wife witnessed all of that. I know that all families are messed up in their own unique ways, so I don’t hold that against my in-laws.
One of my husband’s aunts is a sweet lady, but she suffers from obvious untreated mental illness. She is a compulsive hoarder and she is completely indoctrinated by Mary Kay. My husband’s aunt constantly tries to pressure me and her nieces into joining Mary Kay. She also screamed at me and her niece for “talking about her competition”. We were discussing skin treatments.
In spite of all of this, I still want to visit my in-laws. We have a little niece that we love and I enjoy spending time with my BIL’s wife, along with some of the other young cousins. I also adore my father-in-law. My husband has an 85 year old aunt who is senile yet very loving. I brushed her hair for her once because it was sticking out all over the place and the poor old lady didn’t realize it. My husband is very grateful for the way I handle his family and he praises me for being gracious and kind to them, even when they act ridiculous.
My husband doesn’t want to visit his family again for years. While I respect and understand his feelings, I don’t think it is very healthy to stay away from his family so much….especially when they live so far away. I try to remind my husband of how much he loves our niece and his father, but he still refuses to budge. There is a seat sale for a cheap airline and I would love to go and see my in-laws. If I visited alone, it would look very suspect.
I realize that all families have intricate relationships, filled with longings, grudges and childhood imprints. My husband was the son who got away from the family and his brother is the one that stayed close to home. My husband was always very close to his father and his mother was rather critical and even cruel to him. I can relate since my mother was nasty to me my whole life and my father was so sweet.
How would you handle this situation?