Why am I the office bad guy?

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t think their comments are too bad. It sounds like you’re just taking them a little too personal. I doubt they really care all that much about your decision not to drink. It’s not like it really affects their lives, so I can’t imagine why they’d honestly give 2 hoots.

 

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kimber_bee:  Ask any of the pregnant Bees, drinkers always pressure non-drinkers to drink. It’s not just you who is getting hassled.

Next time someone says something tell them you are allergic to alcohol and tobacco and that you were forced to make the choice not to drink or smoke.

Post # 6
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why you don’t smoke? I think the reasons are pretty obvious unless they’ve been living in a cave. A guy at work used to always ask me this and I told him, “There are so many things that you can’t control in regard to your health. Its stupid not to control the things that you can.” He never asked me again.

I would just ask them why they’re so interested in your life. They’re like adult bullies and I would flat out tell them so. Not in a mean way, I’d just be facetious about it. They might get the hint.

Post # 7
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kimber_bee:  Its probably more likely that your reputation is not because you dont drink, but because you dont go to office events.  What are these events. Even if most people do drink a lot, that doesnt mean you have to. You go and have good conversation and make your political appearance and then you leave an an appropriate time.

Show them you can have fun at these drinking work events even if you dont drink. 

Two jobs ago I worked with two non drinkers. One had a reputation of being no fun because, honestly, he was no fun. He didnt come out with the team ever.

The other non-drinker would still come to team events and hang out and have fun and when people started getting too tipsy for his liking he would quietly leave.  He would attend the party like every other attendant and talk to people and mingle. He didnt sit on the sidelines and observe. He was part of it.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes people get defensive because they feel that your not drinking, smoking, or partying like they do is a comment about them; as if you’re saying that what they’re doing is wrong. Some people will disagree with that, but I know that to be true in many cases.

Just pay these coworkers no mind. They can be the immature teenagers that they really are (not because of what they do, but because of how they are treating you) and you can live the way you want to live. They’ll just have to deal with the fact that you don’t do what they do. 

 

ThreeMeers suggested making an appearance at these work functions and then leaving once they’re about to start acting up or they’re tipsy. I think that would be a great thing to do if you can stand it. I don’t like being around people like that either, so I know that it may not even be worth it to attend those functions even for a short while. 

 

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

How annoying! My last job was worse in that the manager would base the schedule on it, the money making shifts (waitressing) would go to those that would go to the bar with him after work or on nights off. So many people saw the favoritism but there was nothing i could do about it considering his boss was his best friend. 

Post # 10
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know exactly how you feel. I also find alot of the social events in the past where I work (and have worked) were heavy drinking. I now just don’t go. Sure, I could go, sit and watch but that’s lame for all involved – they worreid why I am not, they worried I am judging and me – well I am bored as I am wasting my time. For me, it is not the drinking, it is the crossing of boundaries that happens and the people I work with are not necessarily my friends. I go there to make money…so if I don’t want to party with them – who cares? They don’t sign my paycheque.  After many years, eventually, everyone gets over it as it is the just the way it is.

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ThreeMeers:   Its probably more likely that your reputation is not because you dont drink, but because you dont go to office events.  What are these events. Even if most people do drink a lot, that doesnt mean you have to. You go and have good conversation and make your political appearance and then you leave an an appropriate time.

This. If I worked somewhere where everyone was social and went to after-work events and one person never came, I would take that as a pretty clear signal they weren’t inteested in being friendly, and would act accordingly. I’m not saying they should be mean, but if you don’t act like you want to hang out with, or be friends with, them, then they’re not going to bend over backwards to be nice to you.

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Kimber_bee:  What do you do?

I know that partying and going out after work for margaritas was a rite of passage at the preschool I worked at!

How long are you planning on working there? Maybe you can tell one person “in secret” that someone in your family is a raging alcoholic, and that’s why you don’t drink?

I’m sure it’d spread and you’d get harassed less often. But it’s also dishonest, so…

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