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So I hear ALL the time on the boards and from other people that cash bars are considered rude..and I don't really get why. At my wedding, we are having open bar for the first few hours and then it is cash bar after that.
Seriously, getting 100 people drunk is expensive. And if it's free, they're obviously going to drink more. I have gone to two weddings and both were cash bar. I wasn't offended. They fed me and I had a good time..I didn't feel like the bride and groom should be responsible for my buzz.
I mean, if you have the money, it's GREAT if you can treat your guests to unlimited liquor. I would certainly appreciate it.
Anyways, what are your thoughts on this?
I don't think it's tacky at all. Maybe it's a regional thing? I've been to many open and cash bars an noone ever says anything about having to pay for drinks. Your guests are there to support you on your big day. If a full bar isn't in the budget family and friends understand. Nobody wants the bride and groom to go in debt for a wedding.
I'm not super duper offended (I'd be offended if there was NO bar). My main problem with cash bars is that I don't carry cash normally.
I've never been to a cash bar wedding though. It's normally either full open bar or wine/beer.
I don't think it's necessarily tacky, but I do know that it is not the norm in my circle or geographic area (I'm in NY). I feel as a host, you need to know your crowd and what makes them comfortable. In my crowd, a cash bar would be seen as rude or tacky (I've even heard of friends reducing the amount of the gift to Bride & Groom upon finding out it was a cash bar). I'm not saying either or is right or wrong, just that you have to know what your crowd expects. If your guests expect open bar and you do cash bar, be prepared for negative comments.
all that being said, you do what you want and can afford. Good luck!
I think this is a big regional thing and varies from town to town, so you know your circle best and if it is common/accepted in your area then go for it.
Many people think of it this way: If you invite your friends over for a party, usually you provide the drinks. The guests may bring you a gift, but for the most party you supply everything. A wedding can be considered a larger scale of this. Guest bring you presents, you provide everything for them to enjoy themselves.
@littlelucygoose: First off, I understand your perspective and I respect your opinion. I am not a huge fan of cash bars and here is why: I feel like if you are hosting people you should cover the entire night for them. This includes their drinks. I personally think it is better to not serve alcohol at all then it is to have a cash bar. That said, I would never be upset with a friend if I had to pay for a drink at her wedding. It's just not how i would handle it. Everyone is different
not tacky at all IMO! I had one :D Cash bars are the norm where we were married.. and I made sure that by word of mouth everyone knew so that they would come prepared.
I recently went to a wedding that was open bar and I was super surprised.
My thoughts are: you are throwing a party; you shouldn't make guests pay for anything. Is it expensive to throw a party for a lot of people? yes. You still shouldn't make guests pay, IMO.
...just an aside, if you are doing an open bar for the first few hours, my guess is the amount you spend will be sliding scale down after that (meaning, fewer drinks bought per hour as the night wears on)
I didn't feel like paying for people to get drunk. But his side insisted (and paid for it then). We had beer and some wine. All other alcohol was cash. I don't think it's rude or tacky. You pay for what you can afford or want - free alcohol is a bonus, not a necessity. As long as you make it clear to guests beforehand what will be going on, then I think it's fine. It's when you're under the impression that it's free and show up with no cash that people get annoyed with.
I think it depends what is the norm in your area/social circles. My friends and family have done it all-cash bars, open bar, beer & wine only, etc.
I honestly don't think it's tacky. Of course I love open bars, but when I go to a wedding I usually expect to pay for drinks. So if I don't have to, it's just a nice surprise :)
We are having open bar, but it's required at our venue. All of our guests are from out of town and spending money on travel and hotel, so we would have done it regardless since they're spending so much to be with us.
EDIT: Just want to add that we are purchasing the alcohol ourselves rather than through the caterer. This is saving us $$$$$. Also, if you are having cash bar and there isn't an ATM nearby then I think it's polite to inform your guests through word of mouth. Nothing worse than having to drive 15 minutes away to get cash for drinks (this happened to us at our friends wedding).
I agree with nwhoever said it's regional. I wouldn't sit around thinking it was tacky if I went to a wedding with one, but it would be nice to have a heads up. We went to one where no one told us it was cash bar, and everyone had to find an ATM at a nearby gas station to get cash, which kind of put a sour note on the evening.
But yeah, it's EXPENSIVE. We only offered beer/wine/champagne and it was $25/person, nearly $4K just to provide alcohol! No one complained about the lack of liquor, so just offer what you feel comfortable with.
I think it is tacky because as hosts you shouldn't make your guests pay for their beverages at your party.
I can say I've only been to 1 wedding that had a cash bar. I don't carry cash and we had no way to get any.
My issue is, you're budgeting and planning for a wedding, this should be included. If that means a smaller wedding or cutting back on other things...it's part of putting on a wedding in my eyes. I'm asking people to travel to see me, take up a whole Saturday or weekend to attend, possibly take off from work, maybe have to buy a new outfit, pay a babysitter and then to top it off they'll be bringing a gift...and then when they get there they're going to have to pay to drink? I could never do that to my guests.
To each their own. But I don't like cash bars and saw paying for people to drink as just one of those expenses you accomodate.
It doesn't bother me as long as I know what to expect ahead of time. Let me know on the invite that I'm going to need cash if I want cocktails, and I'll be fine.
I do think it's nice to provide beer and wine, but if you can't that's cool too. Just make sure there's soda, water and juice on hand for those who can't be buying drinks all night.
My family is very anti cash bar, so they will shell out the money for it (seriously there was a cash bar at our daughter's christening AND the after-funeral luncheon when my grandparents passed away). It's not realistic for everyone though and I get that.
The only time I find it tacky is when EVERYTHING, including water and soft drinks, must be paid for by your guests. If you're going to provide them with food, you should be prepared to pay for beverages to quench their thirst. It's just common sense.
Personally, I'd rather have no alcohol at all than make my guests pay for it, but that's up to each couple imo.
However, when a cash alcohol bar becomes tacky/rude is when the hosts make ZERO indication on the invitations, wedding website, etc. that this is going to happen. I rarely carry cash with me, and I know lots of people who would not attend a wedding with much if any cash on them. It's just not something I would think about, yannow? If I knew ahead of time, of course I'd bring cash. But if guests don't know, then many are, rightfully, going to be a little peeved.
So tell your guests :)
I don't think you should host a party and then expect your guests to pay for any of it. I wouldn't have a party at my house and ask for 5 bucks for a glass of wine.
I think they are seen as rude because you are hosting a party, these are your guests, and you are expecting them to pay for their own drinks. You wouldn't ask your friends for cash if you invited them over to your house for dinner and drinks, so why do it at a wedding? I think that asking guests to pay for themselves is seen as not being a good host. And for some people, not being a good host is a huge faux pas.
I'd do wine and beer over a cash bar, but that's just me! Or close the bar all together after the alotted amount of time that I was willing to pay for.
I think it's tacky. Don't invite me to your party and then expect for me to pay. My #1 issue with a cash bar: Who carries cash anymore? I don't and no one I know does.
It may be regional as another PP said. Here, it's quite uncommon and when it does happen, people complain about it. My cousin had a cash bar and my husband and I were sitting with complete strangers and every single one of them complained about it. She also told me a couple days later that everyone left around 10pm even though they had their venue until 1am. I know it was because it was a cash bar. People just aren't as willing to get on the dance floor and let loose.
I guess I'm disagreeing with a few people here - what if you or your FI are not big fans of alcohol - why should you have to pay to provide alcohol? It was not something we budgeted for because I don't think it's necessary - and water, milk, coffee, and pop were all free. I guess I don't see that alcohol is something that has to be at a wedding. It would never bother me to go to weddings where it's cash, if I want alcohol, I can pay for it. In fact, I always take cash with me to weddings, because it's fairly common in our area.
What's really annoying is when you go to a wedding that doesn't even have water for free.
I dont like them myself however I would deal.
BUT I dont really see the options for brides who dont have the money for it. When they suggest not having alcohol at all, people fly into a rage about that also. So it seems these brides just can't win. Do what you can and people will have to deal with it.
I am one of the bees that does find a cash bar tacky. I wouldn't invite someone over for a dinner party and ask them to pay for their drinks, and a wedding reception is really just a large party you're hosting. If you invite someone to an event, you should be prepared to give them food and drink. I get very put off by people who invite me to a party and then ask me to pay for my own drinks, after I put the expense in getting there, a gift for them, giving them my time.... It's rude to not be hospitable to your guests, and hospitality includes beverages, whether they be water, beer, or a rum and coke.
I think if you cannot afford and open bar for the full reception that’s fine, and not rude at all. I think hosting for only a few hours is fine, just be sure that your DJ announces when it will be turning to a cash bar.
If you are really worried about people being offended, perhaps you could host a full bar during cocktail hour and switch to beer and wine for the remainder of the reception. Or you may want to choose to have just beer and wine; or beer, wine, and a signature cocktail or two.
If someone is rude and tacky enough to ask you about it, you call tell them it’s for liability proposes. I’ve been to more than one or two wedding that close or turn the bar to cash an hour or two before the end to limit the risk of drunk driving.
I don't know why cash bar or no bar would offend anyone... is it your wedding? I've been to both and it was just as fun. This is why there is so much stress and drama with planning a wedding... you have to be a people pleaser. Bar is the same as someone complaining they can't bring a guest, they don't like the date, etc.
I really don't see cash bars as tacky. You are already being taken care of and entertained in so many different ways, and so, if you choose to drink, you should pay for it. But, that seems to be the norm where I'm at. Open bars are pretty rare and people tend to have paid wine/beer with everything else cash bar.
@hisgoosiegirl: I agree. We had to provide alcohol, so we did just beer and wine, but let our friends know if they wanted to bring their own they were welcome to. I think as long as you let people know in advance, it is fine. Most people, like myself, don't carry cash unless necessary
I am having a hosted bar for two hours and then it will be a cash bar after that. We decited it would be cheaper for us to buy rounds of drinks for our friends all night than to pay for an open bar. And yes, we plan to "waste" ( as other people have put it) our time on our wedding night to buy 20 rounds oe more of drinks all night. I do feel it is my job to pay for my guests to drink and this is the only way we can afford to do it. I dont trust the venue to "keep a tab" as how would I know if it was accurate? If what I am doing is "tacky" I am sure my fam and friends wont be offended. my friends are NOT those kinds of people and if they were, they wouldn't be my friends. I have been to 3 weddings with a cash bar. The first time I was horrified. They didnt tell anyone til we got there. I thoiught that was inconsiderate. The last two had told us ahead of time so we all BYOB'd it. And I am telling my frineds and fam throug h word of mouth that it will be a cash bar after 2 hours so to BYOB. I guess my circle is "tacky" like that.
I think it depends on the number of people that are going to be at your wedding. I would never expect, even the richest of the rich, to provide free alcohol for 200 guests. However, if I'm going to small outdoor wedding or backyard bbq and you make me pay for alcohol, seriously? We are having approx. 50 guests and will be providing all of the alcohol, transportation, etc. If we had 300 guests, this would be impossible.
When you're having a wedding or any other event, you are hosting people as your guests. Traditionally when you host a guest in a social situation, you are responsible for seeing to your guests needs which includes food and drink during the event. That doesn't mean alcohol has to be offered, but the guest should not be obligated to pay for it.
Cash bars are gradually gaining some acceptance, although they are a subject of debate on many wedding oriented boards. In modern times I think it's a matter a personal taste and preference.
@Angelz_love: You make a good point about your friends and family not being offended. Each bride knows their guests and can make the call. Personally, my family would be appalled if I even suggested a cash bar, but other families may feel differently.
Wow, great responses. Really mixed, too!
First of all, I find it surprising that no one carries cash EVER anymore. I always bring cash with me to a wedding (or anywhere else) in case there is a cash bar, I need to tip, emergencies, etc. Luckily, most of my family/friends don't even have debit cards so they will certainly have cash on them. It would be a total pain to have to hunt for an ATM, though, yikes. (There is an ATM at my venue, yay!)
Second of all, the US is pretty dang diverse! It seems that New Yorkers/New England people really are more wary of etiquette and social norms and standards. I guess in the Midwest we're just more laid-back..?
Third of all, TOTALLY AGREE on the not providing any sort of drinks like water, juice, coffee. Guests should definitely not pay for those but...I don't think anyone will be imbibing on juice, either.
And finally, there's simply no way in hell I'd NOT have liquor available at all. I do not see how that is better than a cash bar.
Whew!
I don't see it as tacky. I'm having a lower budget wedding but have 150 guests invited- all family that we see, talk to, are close to. We just have a big family (aunt, uncles, 1st cousins- no great-anything or distant relatives). So are people implying that I should invite fewer people- meaning some of my close family would get left out- so that I can provide alcohol for the people who are invited? Do I invite half my aunts and uncles and not invite the other half, just so the select few can drink? There's nothing else I can cut back on- everything else is at a minimum. Sometimes it's just not an option.
And my guests won't have to pay for soda or water... so it's not like they'll go thirsty. I live in WI- most of my relatives can down 10+ beers easily and not even have a buzz. That's a LOT of money.
@aliavenue: It's all how you budget your money and proportion it. I'm not "the richest of the rich" and we're having a full open bar for our entire reception for 170 adults (no kids).
@abbie017: Fair enough. I'm not saying you are in the wrong for having a full open bar, in fact, that's awesome! I'm just saying that if I showed up and I saw 170 people I wouldn't expect it. If I showed up and there were 50 people, I would.
@aliavenue: Fair enough :) I'd expect it for a backyard BBQ of 50 people too.. But I'd expect it in a 500 person reception too, just because that's how all the weddings I grew up with were! It wasn't until I moved south that I found out open bars weren't always the norm! That being said, I still hate cash bars!
To me, it almost strikes me that it's a less a regional thing and more of a CLASS thing (which, to be fair, could be regional too). I would call myself middle-class in a semi-rural area, and the majority of the weddings that I've been to were cash bars, or the sort of thing where you got two drink tickets and then paid. The couples were more or less right out of college (or grad students), and their parents were comfortable but not rich. Alcohol can cost a TON of money, and people shouldn't be getting blitzed at a wedding ANYWAY. (Speaking of tacky.)
This "OMG booze must be included or you are tackyyyyyy" thing seems to pair with a class/culture in which people give hundreds of dollars in cash and gifts to the new couple. I suppose that I have no idea what to expect in June, but I know that my family has never given anything like that for a wedding. We buy something nice off the registry, but more in the $50-$70 range. The first time that I read on here that guests were expected to "cover their plate," I was frankly appalled.
ANYWAY -- rant over. As long as you're covering sodas and water, and you let folks know in advance that they'll need money if they want booze, I honestly don't see it as a thing. You know your friends and family, and they know you and what your own financial limitations are, and that's really the most important thing. They can bring flasks if it's that crucial.
If you're hosting an event you should be able to host your guests properly. You wouldn't go to dinner at someone's house expecting to pay for your glass of wine.
@Ksmurf: Good idea about having the DJ announce the switch and the liability excuse!
It's tacky. I live in the Northeast and I have never been to a cash bar wedding. Why should I have to cough up money to drink at YOUR event? And no, not everyone gets drunk. I like to have a few glasses of wine at a wedding. I don't do it to get drunk.
We had 270 people at our wedding and we spent $3000 on booze and mixers. We saved so much money going with a venue that allowed you to bring outside liquor. If we didn't, the cheapest we could find would have cost us $1500 more.
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