(Closed) Why are girls so mean?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Cut her out of your life. She’s not worth the trouble. I had a life-long friend who was the same way, and I finally had to just stop talking to her all-together. It’s not worth the stress/sadness/frustration. You can find new and better friends who really love you, and not for the things you do for them! Trust me..! Smile

Post # 4
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Oh honey, I have no advice, I’m just so sorry you are dealing with this.  (((hugs)))

Post # 5
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Lose her.

Post # 6
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

First of all, I’m so sorry this is all happening to you.  I know how hard it is to have a longtime friend suddenly change and act like someone you don’t even know.  On the other hand, I’m sure(as I noticed as well) that there were warning signs that she was this person even before all this happened.

Although I wouldn’t be quite as quick to dismiss her all together, I would definitely advise distance from your cousin/friend now that you are so close to your wedding.  The wedding is about YOU and YOUR FI, and your future, happy lives together.  Anyone who is around you should put that thought into the forefront of their minds and do everything they can to make it happen, as you obviously did for your friend. 

I suspect that your confusion and distress at the whole situation is related to the fact that this person is not just a friend, but family.  It’s always hard to cut ties with someone, even someone as toxic as this person sounds to be, when they’re your flesh and blood.  However, there are times in your life that you have to be willing to temporarily distance yourself from someone like that to be able to be happy.

I would suggest a heart-to-heart with someone who knows both of you(ie your mom, aunt, etc.).  At the very least, you might get another POV from someone who might be able to offer you another way of approaching this.

I can honestly say that in my case, I was very honest with my friend about how I felt(she found out she was pregnant right after her wedding, and she was upset that she was not my MOH – long story, but basically it was because I knew she was going to want all the attention on her, not me) and told her that I understood she was having a tough time, but that I wasn’t going to deal with her behavior.  I told her she was welcome at the wedding and bridal related activities, but  that I would also understand if she did not choose to come.  I talked it over with my MOH and my FI, both of whom agreed that this was a good decision to make.

Do what is best for you and your heart – do NOT think it makes you a jerk or bad person to want to be happy for yourself!  True friends are supportive through everything.  It sounds like she takes more out of your friendship than giving back.  It would be worth it to evaluate if this friendship is still a good match for the people you two have become. 

People, times, and things change.  Sometimes the person you are closest to when you’re young is not the person you stay with.  That doesn’t make the relationship less important or the person less important to you. 

Good luck!  Big hugs!

Post # 8
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m so sorry. I’m going through something similar but nothing as bad as you. I am sorry I have no advice, but wish you the best of luck. (((((HUGS)))))

Post # 9
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I know you try to be an impartial bystander or look from the outside…but this is NOT because of you.  She is toxic.  You’ve tried…and tried, and tried, and tried some more.   Clearly her husband cannot let a grudge go, and that is toxic for both you and her.  Id just drop it and her.  Its not worth the stress or heartache.  She’ll keep you wondering if it is your fault when its not.  Im all for forgiveness, but in this case, it sounds like you attempted that, and it just wont go away. 

Post # 10
Member
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It sounds like you have done nothing but be there for her and she’s trampled all over you. I know it’s hard to do, but you need to let her know how you’re feeling. Tell her that you want to have a good relationship, but all the things she’s doing are hurtful. You can’t change other people or make them do something, but at least you’ll have the peace of mind knowing you did what you could. She can either take that and work to be a better friend, or you might still have to cut her out of your life.

Situations like this are so hard, and even harder when it’s family.

Post # 11
Member
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

Oh, and girls are typically so mean because of insecurities. Women have to withstand a lot of ‘you should be like this/look like this/etc’ from the outside world, and it just breeds insecurities. Insecureties can breed some pretty mean and snippy behavior. 🙁

Post # 13
Member
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

You’re not being spineless– don’t worry. You should seriously do whatever makes YOU feel the most comfortable.

I went through a similar situation with one of my former best friends. I ended up cutting her off entirely because it just got to be too much.

 

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