Why are people so mean about our engagement?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1386 posts
Bumble bee

“not having the ring didn’t make it seem real”

This.  I am in the camp that believes you are not engaged until you have a ring.  Sorry.  You say you are engaged without a ring?  Um, ok?  Sure.

Post # 4
641 posts
Busy bee

They’ll come around once they figure that no amount of cold shoulders and tut tutting is going to make you leave the man you love. And if they don’t get a better attitude, at least that means you’ll get more time to spend with your awesome parents when you come state side!

Post # 5
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m Jewish and having dated non-Jewish guys in College I can relate to the unwelcome responses. I’m guessing this shouldn’t come as a total surprise to you since it seems religion is important to them? I understand there reaction because we are the minority in this world and it would be challenging for me when I have children to see them marry someone who is not Jewish in a world where Christmas and Jesus are considered mainstream (Something im sure a lot of responders will not understand) That being said, this is your life and you should live it how you choose too, I’m sure they will warm up to him over time.

Post # 6
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

excuse my language, but what the fuck?

they couldn’t be happy for you? you’re celebrating your ENGAGEMENT.

sure, you don’t have a sparkly thing on your finger. doesn’t mean you’re not engaged. if your fiance asked you to marry him, and you accepted, then you’re engaged.

screw everyone else. they’re being asses.

(things like this piss me off. excuse the language in the post.)

Post # 8
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@colorofmyheart:  +1 🙂 we’re all happy for you!!! if you’re happy, in love with your guy, and want to spend the rest of your lives together, enjoy this time in your life and screw everyone else!

Post # 10
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m guessing this is because you live overseas. Your family and friends were probably hoping this wasn’t permanent and you getting married may make it real for them. I also live overseas and get negativity from time to time.

Post # 11
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Sunflower–girl:  RUDE MUCH?

So you need a round piece of gold to make that committment?  “Um, OK? Sure.”

Way to insult a ton of bees on this site.

Post # 12
1696 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lena_k_29:  Dafuq is wrong with your friend and sister?


Come on, basic rule. Even if you HATE the person your friend/sibling is with, you fake it. If you’re in love, no outside party is going to bring you to your senses, might as well be supportive.


The Grandmother thing I get. I’m marrying a non-Jew and for the longest time, my parents swore they were going to disown me and sit shivah for me. It’s a generational thing and it sucks, but that;s something you have to live with. Your friend and sister have no excuse though. You said yes to someone you are hoping to spend the rest of your life with. That’s huge and they ought to be jumping up and down with excitement. Shame on them for denying you that moment!


So Australia huh? I’m sure you can invite some bees and we’ll come fill seats. To heck with them!

Post # 13
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015



Comittment doesn’t always need to be represented by a piece of jewelry. Plenty of people get married even without rings. Low and behold, they are actually legally married. I personally wouldn’t consider myself engaged without a ring but I totally see why other people do! 



Sorry everyone is acting so negatively. Are there any specific reasons they could be acting this way?? Any issues with your FI that makes them skeptical? Or is it just the distance aspect? 

Anyways, congrats to you! I hope you and your future husband can remain happy about the situation despite the negativity. 

Post # 14
1386 posts
Bumble bee

@skippydarling:  Yes, I need to see ACTION, not just WORDS.  OP even stated it didn’t seem real without a ring.  

Not everyone is going to hold your hand on the bee.  Some of us tell it the way we see it instead of blowing smoke up your behind.

Post # 15
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Sunflower–girl:  she had the ring before she told her family.  Not that it should have matter.


Oim sorry your family is being yucky 🙁 I imagine your family is upset that they are”losing” you to a man on a diferent continent I

Post # 16
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Ah, crap, better call all my vendors and tell them I’m not really engaged because I’m not wearing a ring…

Lightness aside, I understand why you waited to tell them until you were there with them, my FI and I are doing the same thing with his extended out of country family (though the main ones already know).

I am so sorry that they are not being more supportive. Do you think they were not expecting it? Sometimes people warm to the idea after a while. My FI’s mother had to warm to him dating me AT ALL it took about 6 months. Now things are great.

I have a friend who is super sarcastic about my engagement, I have no idea what her beef is and I just try to never mention anything about it around her ever. Ever. I don’t feel like she’ll warm to it.

I don’t see what is so hard about offering a congratulations though, I congratulate people I barely know when they get engaged, it’s just the done thing. 

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