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I just recently got my master's degree. The field is different from my BA and not hiring and it was agree upon with DH and I that I would return to work if I could even secure a job 3 months after our baby is born. I think it's really important to be home with her the first few months. He was fine with that, now his tune has changed. I ran this issue by some people and I got the usual "why would you waste all that money" and "why would you choose to be a SAHM with a degree" bc I said IF I had the opportunity I would love to stay at home with my kids. Now, I know some women wouldn't, but me personally family is much more important then a job. To me, you can't ever be too educated and being the first person in my family to get a bachelor's let alone a master's degree it is something I am very proud. No one knows where life takes them, so who is to say any woman with a degree will be working 1 year, 10 years or 30 years. Are any of these people paying or paid for my degrees, or am I? Again, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect that. I just needed to get this out lol.
When I got my masters, I hadn't met my husband and I really had no clue where my life would go. I wanted to have a degree so if I had to, I could support myself. However right now I don't have to. My husband makes enough money and I'd prefer to stay at home when the baby comes. Later on in life when the kids grow up, I'll probably use my degree again. But I find nothing wrong with not using it right now.
Good for you! You're right, one can never be "too educated," and I don't think an education could ever be considered a waste of money. I think a lot of negative comments about issues like this are related to some women's insecurities in themselves, or jealousy that maybe they can't afford to stay at home as long as they would like. Congrats on getting your masters degree, and hope you enjoy spending as much time as you can with your little one!
We seem to be in similar positions. :) I am hoping to enter a grad school program this fall and stay home full-time with our daughter. Even after I finish my program, I will continue to stay home until all of our (future) kids are in school. I plan on keeping up in my field by volunteering or possibly taking some project work, but I don't want to work full-time, outside the home in the immediate future.
My advice is to ignore the naysayers. I don't think an education is ever a waste; plus, it sounds like you may want to re-enter your field in the future, and an advanced degree will certainly help with that. As far as your husband goes, give him some time. Having a baby changes who you are, and both of you need some time to adjust to your new selves, your new partners, and the new dynamics in your relationship.
None of their business.
And I personally think it's ideal that SAHMs have a degree of some sort; there are no guarentees in life, situations may arise where the woman needs to be the breadwinner (divorce, husband becomes disabled or passes away, etc).
I know of a couple, both MDs, the wife is a SAHM. And before they had kids, she was even the one bringing home more money than her husband.
a lot of what you're hearing from people is feminist backlash. ignore them and do whatever is best for you and your family.
I have a BS in engineering that I fully intend to quit using at the point that DH and I have kids so that I can be a SAHM. Honestly, I've never in my life wanted any career besides to be a SAHM.
But my education provided me with way more than just a degree. You learn so much more about yourself and about life when you are in school. Plus, I needed a means to support myself until DH and I decide to have kids.
Ignore the naysayers! SAHMs with degrees rock in my book!
ETA: My mom was also a SAHM and she had a Master's degree too!
Good for you! I think it's really important. Who's to say when you kids graduate high school and are off to college that you won't need to fall back on those degrees? You should be proud of yourself!
What about all those people with degrees that are working at a bar long after? They're not using their degrees either. Let's judge them. :)
I think it's one thing if you get a degree and look for a job in the field and can't find one then end up having children and not using it. Plus you never know when an opportunity might open up once your children are older.
I might consider it a "waste of money" if you just got a degree with no intention of ever using it - either professionally or as a volunteer.
People are jealous. I bet the people saying this either don't have a master's degree or if they do, they have to work and don't have the option to stay home. If they put your choices down, they for whatever reason, feel better about themselves.
I think it's awesome that you have an education to fall back on if you ever need to, but that you have the opportunity to stay home with your children. It is truly the best of both worlds.
My mom was able to stay home with us until my youngest sibling was in elementary school. She only went back because my dad passed away suddenly. She always regretted that she didnt finish college because it has been so hard for her. She took classes here and there but wasn't able to finish.
I have my B.S. and a successful career and when the time comes, I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom. Unfortnetly, that won't be able to happen because we need both incomes. But anyways, what I am saying is that having an education, regardless of what you decide to do with it, will never be a bad thing. You never know what the future holds and its great that you have something to fall back on.
I know where you're coming from. I come from an educated family...where if you don't have your phD you're pretty much a failure. I was planning on going to college and pursuing history, getting a degree, then quitting once we decided to have children. I thought it would make our newlywed life way more difficult so I decided to skip college and go right to SAHW/M. I've gotten plenty of crap about it, but as long as you're happy that's all that matters. People are way too quick to jidge.
I don't know I don't think any woman can win nowadays. I can't be a SAHM because we need both incomes and there are people who say that's bad. I think being a SAHM is great, if you can do it. I think the amount of work that a SAHM does is just as hard as someone who has to be a working mom.
If you've found something that works for your family, more power to you. :)
I'd be more concerned with what my husband thought of me than some random people.
I agree with others here--some people will judge women for whatever choice they make. If they work--they're horrible because strangers are raising their babies. If they stay home, they're horrible because they are wasting their degree. It's a no-win situation in the realm of public opinion regardless of your choices. Do what you are comfortable with, and what you and your husband can agree on.
Having your degree is only an asset, never a detriment. My mom received a full scholarship to college and (in my opinion) is more intellectual than my lawyer father. However, she worked only until my oldest brother was born (1976), and then stayed home from then on. I would never dream of questioning or criticizing her choices, even though I will probably take a different path when the time comes.
I know exactly what you're talking about! People genuinely don't seem to understand that I consciously *chose* motherhood as my career! I've got 2 BA's and 1 BBA, and before I unexpectedly got pregnant, I had been planning to go for a Ph.D.
The comments from friends and random people don't really bother me, they're always one-liners and we move on. But my mom is seriously disappointed in me, and she takes every chance to remind me just how much. My FMIL thinks she's a feminist, and she thinks I'm incredibly lazy for not working. Lots of passive-aggressive insults, to say the least. She had a full-time maid and nanny raise her 3 children, and she was a "I'm your friend" type of parent... so she doesn't understand how busy SAHMs are, it's infuriating.
*breathe out*
:)
What better way to show your children the importance of education, than by continuing your own education! It's hard, but ignore the comments the best you can.
If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd quit my job to stay home with my child. I'd also go back to school for my phd and eventually set up my own practice with my own schedule. The balance between raising kids, working, and education is different for everyone. But I don't think any of the three is a waste.
Is there a way you could use your degree to work from home? I'm a graphic designer, and have been working with a partner over the last year to establish our marketing company and start turning a profit. Both of us work from home, in the sense that there's no office, and we live 6 hours away from each other. I'm planning to try to keep doing the same amount of work if possible after the baby comes. That way you're still home and involved, but you get to bring in a little extra income too.
It bums me out to see friends work hard to get a professional degree but not use it in life. The world needs more female engineers, lawyers, doctors, etc. to show that we can be both parents and professionals. Personally, I will never choose to be a SAHM because I love my career and I've worked very hard to obtain my professional engineering license and two degrees.
Maybe it's because my mother did the same thing. She never had the opportunity to stay home because she was a single mother most of my life. Even she could have, she probably wouldn't have done so. She's a wonderful educator and she loves teaching. I doubt she'll ever fully retire because her career is a part of her.
@BrianneG: But not everyone WANTS to be both a parent and a professional. Despite working hard for my engineering degree, I've never had any desire to work as a professional until I reach retirement age. My desire for my life is to stay home and raise my children. Just because you desire to be both a parent and a professional doesn't mean that everyone else should think that is best too.
I say ignore them!!!!!!....I have my degree and now am planning to be a full time SAHM :)
I was recently wondering about this sort of question when I got my latest Alumi news letter- that updates you on what/where all your classmates are. I am always very surprised about the number of SAHM's there are. Not that there is anything wrong with that- to each her own!
I think there is way too much judgement from both sides. I have heard working mothers disparage SAHM's because they don't think they are doing anything all day. I have also heard working moms be told that if they choose to work that they are basically telling the child that they are a second priority. Hating b*tches on both sides. It would be nice if everyone could just mind their own business.
@Mrs.KMM: You said exactly what I was thinking! :)
I am happy that I went to school and got my degree. I learned a lot about myself during those years and do not see it as a waste of money. I am also learning however, that I hate working as a professional. I believe that being a parent is incredibly fulfilling - and for me and what I want in life, it will be more fulfilling than working 9-5 for the rest of my life. It's not better or worse -- just different. I look forward to when I can be a SAHM.
I think its silly. I have many friends who are SAHM's. Just because you earn a degree doesn't mean you HAVE to use it toward a professional career. My hubby has a bachelors in Art which he doesn't use for anything. He also has other degrees, does that make is art degree pointless simply b/c he doesn't use it? Some might think so but he did it for himself not those people.
@BrianneG, I totally understand. It makes it hard to be respected in many fields when many women work here, then decide stay home and don't come back. It's already NOT women-friendly. All the men are afraid they're going to lose you and create more work for them. The world DOES need more women professionals, from a strictly professional stand point. Until then, the stereotypes will always exist. And I don't like working with men who think that just because THEIR wives stay home, they shouldn't have to respect me as an equal in the work force or that I should stay home, too. My company is always saying we need more women engineers.
I could've picked a much easier degree or something that related to child rearing, like child development or something of that nature!
I'm getting my Masters and we've discussed me being at SAHM until our future kiddies are in elementary school. I see NOTHING wrong with it. I think it's important to be successful in all aspects of life.
I read an AMAZING book called this is not how i thought it would be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today. It's by Kristin Maschka.
I think that, while being a mother and being a working woman are important, one doesn't trump the other. It honestly irritates me when it is assumed that because I have a degree and want to be a mom that I have to "choose." But it's reality, in a lot of cases.
I've never heard anyone say that they are offended by SAHM's w/degrees. That is horrible. I have my degree, and I would LOVE to be a SAHM but we can't afford it. =/
I met my SO in college after I made the decision to go to Optometry school but before I actually applied/went. I don't know if I will be a total SAHM or like...practice 2-3 days a week or what (maybe 5-6 days a week...that would suck), but either way. If I had told people "no, I found the man I want to marry and have kids with. He's making money, so I'm not even going to go to optometry school", I BET they would have JUST as negative of a reaction!
They would probably say stuff like "why would you give up your dream?? blah blah blah". So personally, I think it's a no-win situation when it comes to the approval of your actions by your peers, so just do what you want!
I have no idea. I think it's very very important for a mother to be home with her child as much as possible early on. When we have children, this is exactly what we both want to happen. My plan is to stay home until each child has entered into kindergarten. This will be financially feasible then and both of us have agreed we will never place our children in daycare.
I'm a stay at home fiance at the moment and I have a masters. In rural Iowa, there are no job offerings in my field. EVER. I'm enjoying the time off though. I can plan the wedding and fix up our house. My FH loves it. LOVES IT.
@ejs4y8: This! I am also in a field where women do not get the top assignments because so many of them get married and quit as soon as they have their kids. It sucks. I mean, it's great for those women that they get to do what they love, but it sucks for those of us desperately fighting against a stereotype that they are reaffirming. Beyond that, it makes everyone in my field incredibly resentful that they lose out on jobs to women who are just killing time until they can do what they really want to do.
I respect SAHMs a lot, it's a job I could NEVER do because I have no patience for anyone who cannot learn things right away. (And I am told, babies take a while to master skills ;) ) I would be the worst mother on earth, hands down. BUT I really wish that their choices didn't negatively impact so many of us in the workforce. I guess there is no solution though, try as we all might to make things better all around.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't really.
I think a lot of their concern doesn't come from jealousy, but from the hope that your experience as a professional won't become outdated. I can't blame you at all for wanting to be a SAHM - I had one and it was fantastic, but she was unable to ever find great employment after she and my father separated, just because her experience was outdated.
When I was getting my Master's degree, there were a lot of parents (both men and women!) who were getting back into the work force after 18 years, and boy, they really struggled. My only real word of advice would be to keep your education and experience relevant somehow, just in case something happens to the money-earner. Your education is worth it!
I AM a proud feminist and think you should do whatever works for you. Go forth and be proud of your degree and be proud of being a SAHM.
Frankly, I sort of see it as anti-feminist to disparage any woman of her education, regardless of whether she ends up being a SAHM, a Supreme Court Justice, or a pig farmer.
I only wish that more women could feel like they could succeed both professionally and in their personal lives and not have to choose one over the other if they don't want to. Particularly in fields that are male-dominated (and require a lot of education), I think it would help change work culture if more women started to say that they intended on doing well in both areas of their lives. For example, if more women (and men!) started to say that they wouldn't work for companies that had non-friendly family policies, I think there would be a culture shift in a positive direction.
People pursue degrees for many reasons. Some use them. Some don't. It's a personal decision.
It's irritating to me too. Seems like someone with a degree would be better for a SAHM position because if something does happen(husbands can and do die or leave), she has the means to make money, if need be.
But that's just me as a wannabe SAHM with a Master's degree. :)
I kind of think when it comes to this decision, you will have people against you no matter what you decide to do. All that matters is what you and your DH have decided is best and right for YOU, not what the public would be more willing to accept.
I mean I do understand the point being made about spending money and time getting an advanced degree that you don't plan on ever using possibly being wasteful. But honestly that's none of anyone's business and rude to point out. So again, you should only focus on what's right for you and not worry about what others say, they're probably just jealous anyway :)
Is this a question or just a vent? It sounds more like the latter than the former. If it was actually a question, I'd say that in my own opinon, I always think it's weird when women go through all of the time, effort and money to obtain a post-graduate degree to just toss it aside and stay at home (as either a housewife or a SAHM.) It just doesn't make sense to me. I assume you had goals and aspirations other than being a wife and mother when obtaining that advanced degree, so...did you just change your mind? Were you just killing time until you got married and had a baby? Did you start working in your field and decide you hated it? It seems rather illogical to be so engaged in a particular field or area that you'd spend thousands (sometimes hundreds of thousands) of dollars to obtain an advanced degree in it, then just lose all interest all of the sudden once you have a baby. It's one thing to stay at home for a few years when the children are small, but to quit working with no intentions of ever going back? Why bother getting your masters in the first place?
An undergraduate degree, sure, I get that. A lot of women go to college after high school because it's just what you do (although I've always hated the types that were clearly there just to get their "m.r.s." degrees, as they make it that much harder for the rest of us to be taken seriously), but to go to all of the effort of getting a post-graduate degree then not work? I'm sorry, I just don't understand.
I've also known quite a few very intelligent, educated women that have kids, quit their jobs and just kind of...lose themselves. They become "mommies" and that's it. That's all they're about. Then their kids grow up and move out and these women just become lost. Without children at home to take care of, they lose all sense of purpose. That's a really frightening thought.
@lezlers: Do you also find it weird when people (men or women) get an advanced degrees and then decide to pursue work in a completely different field? I know a woman who works part-time as an art teacher at the local college; she has an MS in Biology. I also know a woman who has her Master's in Early Childhood Education and now teaches yoga. Do you think these women wasted their educations or that it was illogical for them to spend thousands only to decide later on that they would rather do something else?
I also know women who've dedicated themselves to their careers, and became "lost" (your wording) when they retired or were layed off. The fact is that if you dedicate yourself to any pursuit, you're going to have to redefine yourself once that goal is realized (or not realized as the case may be). As we go through life, our priorities and goals shift and change. It's ok to be lost for while when one chapter ends and you're looking for a new direction, imo.
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