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I'm new to this wedding planning and etiquette stuff and am really trying to figure out why I cannot/should not put wedding registry information on there.
Why is it considered tacky?
I've seen a thousand times over on here and other blogs and am trying to forget about it and put my registry on my insert anyway, but keep seeing bold letters
DO NOT PUT YOUR REGISTRY INFORMATION IN YOUR INVITATION!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The reason I am considering it is because my FI and I already live together and there are things that we need and things that we really don't need. In addition, the registries let it be known that we live in New York and it would be difficult for us to ship gifts to ourselves in New York so there is already a shipping address on there for us. Many people are my parents' friends and don't know us that well.
How do you let registry information be known and how do you make sure guests won't bring a bunch of gifts that will be difficult to ship if you don't put it somewhere?
I just need to know, do you think it's tacky to put registry information on there or long gone are the years?
The major reason that you should never put your registry info on your invitation is because it makes it look like to come to the wedding you HAVE to bring a gift.
Registry info can be put on your wedding Web site (which can be listed on your save-the-dates, sent out in an email, etc), included with the shower invitation, or passed through word of mouth.
Putting on the actual wedding invite makes it seem like you're fishing for gifts.
I hope this helps!
Put the web address on the bottom of the reply card or reception card. That way, while they are looking for directions and accomodations, they will stumble upon your registry. Dont include those awful little cards Macys and W+S give you...they wont match your invitation and it seems like your begging for gifts.
I agree with Powderpuff -- it just seems like the couple is fishing for gifts or mandating gifts by including it in the main wedding invites. But if I'm reading your post right, it sounds like the concerns you had probably didn't have anything to do with the tacky aspect of including it in the invite, but more about the necessity of creating an registry. And I still think, whether you're just starting out and haven't lived together, or have lived together for a long time, is a helpful thing for any wedding guest. My guess is you probably would have been able to easily spread that info through word of mouth, your wedding website, save the date, etc. And acutally, if I know someone is getting married, I sometimes will just look up their registry info without any prompt since it's so easy to do! We are also in the same OOT shipping boat, so we're definitely making sure to spread through our wedding party via word of mouth about shipping gifts straight to where we live instead of bringing it to the wedding, especially if it comes up in conversation. Anyway, what's done is done so I wouldn't worry about it now =)
Luckily, it isn't done now just yet. I still have time to go back and change it if I need to (thank goodness). I would also definitely NOT put the cards the stores give you in the invite. That, I can totally agree, is tacky! My FI's sister did it and I just thought it looked out of place and strange falling out of the envelope (this is also why I opted for pocket invites)
I think its "tacky" because it looks like you're assuming everyone will get you a gift. Now, we all know that pretty much everyone will get you something (at least a card), but it's not very couth to tell everyone where you're registered.
I don't have a wedding Web site (waaaaay too busy for that), so it was on my shower invites (which wasn't done by me) and all my attendants know, so people could ask them.
I think the Web site and word of mouth is the best (and safest) way to go.
To be honest, I didn't know it was tacky until I started planning my own wedding because I had gotten plenty of invitations with registry info and I didn't think anything of it. I'm pretty understanding of why others might choose to include them but I never did it for my own wedding - I didn't want to seem gift grabby!
One of my favorite etiquette books, "Something New" by Elise MacAdam, explained it this way: an invitation should be a request for the presence of a person you care about, and only that. Putting in registry information makes it seem like presents are expected or mandatory, and distracts from the message of "we would love for you to join us."
I know a lot of people argue that everyone knows presents aren't mandatory and that including registry information simply makes it easier for the guests to find their registries if they do want to get something. I do understand that logic, but personally I can't get past the feeling of begging for presents. I wouldn't mail out an unsolicited birthday wish list to my nearest and dearest, why should I do it for my wedding?
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I think it's up to the couple , but I did not put it in my invite. Some couples really NEED stuff to start their lives together. It does seem to me to be fishing for a gift by putting the preprinted cards in your invite , but i've seen the info included in pocket folds and it didn't look out of place thats just me.
As long as you're having a shower, there's no need to put it in the wedidng invite anyway, as it should absolutely be included in shower invitations. Anyone who doesn't know where you're registered will ask anyway. We only had 2 guests go off-registry, and we didn't put the registry info in our wedding invites.
I think that your registry is for shower gifts and if those who are invited to the shower would also like to get you a gift instead of monetary gift they can do so. Most people do not want to get an invite to a wedding with the expectation that they also have to bring a gift. Think about it this way the least amount of gifts you get the more money you shall receive.
I must be tacky because I say put it in the invitation...who cares! I just received a wedding invitation without the registry and I had to make a phone call to see where they were registered. If it were in the invitation than I would had known! Anyways, everyone says etiquette this etiquette that, I don't really live my life so 'proper' so why do I have to for my wedding. I mean don't get me wrong, I am a lady, however I'm not going to be stressed out about people thinking that I am greedy. They know I am not so I will put the registry information in my invite!!!
I definitely understand what you are thinking. Basically, the etiquette states that if you put it on your invitation, you are specifically telling people to buy you gifts. HOwever, in this day & age, everyone *usually* gives gifts in celebration of a wedding (whether at a wedding, or sending them ahead of time or afterwards to the couple's house). So it seems like you are wondering if people always bring gifts, why shouldn't you let them know where to get those gifts!
However, I don't think you should include it AT ALL. EVER. I think that registries are so common now-a-days, so anyone who would consider getting you a gift from your registry will find yours. If they refuse to buy from your registry (and there might be a couple of them), it doesn't matter if it's mentioned in the invite (or plastered all over it!) or not. I think you will come across much more graceful if you don't mention it. People will ask your families, or even ask you directly & I think that's the best way to let people know that you are registered. Plus, I've learned that if people register at some of the major chains, like Macy's or Crate & Barrel, their name is automatically searchable for their registry. So if a lot of your friends have gotten married, some of them might already know that they can just google your name and find your registry without even asking you.
I can see why it gets confusing. It all gets a bit silly: don't put it in your invitations, but put your website info in your invites (and then have a big ol' tab labeled "Registry Information" on your website). If it were really that tactless to let people know where you're registered then it shouldn't be on your website, either.
It's also silly because the same etiquette guides that say you shouldn't make it look like you're asking for gifts with your wedding invitations ALSO say that if you get a wedding invitation, you HAVE to give a gift (Emily Post, anyone?).
Yeah, there is a serious lack of logic involved in the whole scenario.
Head scratch.
I agree that etiquette rules are strange - at the end of the day most people are going to get you a gift and will want to know where you are registered! They will either end up asking you, or your mom, or your aunt, or your sister, to find out!
I think the reason why its ok to do it on your website is because in going to your website, guests opt to go online to find out more about your big day. The invite is in your face and if you put the registry on there it screams "get me a gift!" Having it on the webiste is less obvious - guests will only find out about it if they want to.
I agree with Erindesmar, putting registery on your invitation would be more blatant than just letting the guest be the one to find out. At least the guest can pretend he didn't know about it 'coz for some reason he wasn't able to access your website. If the registry is on your invitation, there's no excuse or whatsoever not to bring anything and not to bring the ones you wanted.
Personally, I don't mind couples putting them. I find it more practical. No more guessing games. I would want the couple to like the gift I give. In the end, it really depends on the guests' receiving end on what they want to think.
A lot of people may not want to put gift registry (even if they want to) simply because they don't want to hear anything negative about it. Who wants to start their wedding with a lot of scarcasm before the day itself?
I feel it's fishing for a gift. I don't believe it is proper wedding etiquette. If you WANT people to know where you're registered, put it up on your wedding website, or have it in teeny tiny letters printed on BACK of your bridal shower invites.
People attending weddings know about gift giving. There are usual haunts/stores that newlyweds register at. I guarantee they'll ask your relatives so make sure you tell your parents, closest friends, bridesmaids, and siblings where you're registering. They'll get the word out.
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I agree that putting on the wedding invitation, or with the wedding invitation makes it look like you are greedy and want gifts. The invitation should be a request for them to come celebrate your day with them. Not a request for them to spend it with you, as long as they visit Macy's first. ;)
However, putting the information sending them to a wedding website is perfectly acceptable, or including it with bridal shower invites, as the whole point of a shower is to give gifts.
Yeah. Completly tacky and tasteless. It makes it look as though you are greedy, and need to get gifts to feel like people wanted to come to your wedding/ approve of the marriage. Registries are so easy to find on things like www.theknot.com or even by doing a Google search of your names that it is completely unecessary to put in the invites. You don't even need a website to get the word out.
Personally, and I know I am the minority, I really don't see it as implies gifts are mandatory. If a registry wasn't included would you feel like they want a gift any less? Most people do bring gifts to a wedding so providing suggestions through a registry seems normal and acceptable to me. I dunno, this part of the etiquette bugs me. I also find it frustrating to have to go after someone's registry by hunting it down through a relative or website, but I guess that's the "acceptable" way to do it ! 
In all of the books I have read, listing your registy is considered poor taste on the wedding invitation b/c it implies a gift is expected. The understood practice is that guests wishing to purchase a gift would ask your family members or members of your wedding party where you are registered. HOWEVER, most books I looked at suggested including a link for your wedding website somewhere in one of the enclosure cards. It is perfectly acceptable to list your registries on your wedding site. Theknot.com and myweddingpage.com offer great, free sites.
It's tacky because you are inviting someone to your wedding, not inviting them to give you a gift. The invitation should speak about the fabulous event that you are hosting, not the "cost" that your guests will incur in order to be a part of that day. It just sets a bad tone to bring up your registry as the point of the wedding is to get married not to get gifts!!!
In my opinion your registry should only be brought up in the following circumstance: guest asks "where are you registered?" you say "at X,Y & Z". I don't even think a wedding website is an appropriate place for a registry. If people want to know where you are registered they will figure it out, don't worry.
If most of these people are your parents' friends who don't know you well then why don't you give your registry cards or registry info, to your parents. It's more than likely that your parents friends will contact them once they receive their invitation, and if they want to buy you a gift, they'll ask your parents. We gave our registry cards to to all the parents, and to my MOH and it has been pretty widely commmunicated, I believe. I understand the practical reasons for wanting to include the information, but it's also a strongly suggestive statement. The first time I opened a reception invitation and their registry card fell out, I felt a little offended (and was surprised by own feeling that way!)
@Aerika: In response to your question--yes. I do feel like people who don't broadcast registry information want gifts less. There are so many important decisions to consider along the way to committing your life to another pesron and sharing that with others, that I have probably thought about gifts only two or three times. I made a registry primarily at the insistence of my mother and bridesmaids, for my bridal shower, and it was honestly kind of deflating to receive gifts I had picked out, and I sort of felt like it was unneccessary (though not in the least bit unappreciated, just not a pivotal part of enjoying the experience). I have gotten a few ridiculously horrible gifts, but we just laugh about them.
The reason why people, myself included are against putting registry information on invitations is because you are basically asking someone to buy a gift for you... Just because you are invited to a wedding or any party for that matter, there is no obligation to bring a gift. By putting this in your invite you are making it sound like if you are invited, you must also by a gift. You don't want your guests to feel obligated to do anything, this is supposed to be a time to celebrate your marriage and it should be enough that they are coming to be a part of that. Ways to get around this is by making a wedding website, where your registry will be showcased and somehow incorporating that in your Save the Date card. I have seen that many times, and have done that as well. Of course word of mouth is the way most people will hear about your registries too. If people want to buy you a gift, they will ask around for your registry info. It won't be a mystery.
Yeah, it's just not done, even though it's information everyone needs and wants to know--go figure.
The website is the perfect option--EVEN if you don't have a website (which you should look into anyway, as they're free at places like the knot and weddingchannel). Most stores with registries link to wedding channel and the knot anyway, and I think most guests in this day and age know to look there. That way, it doesn't look like the only purpose of the wedding is the presents.
But I feel your pain. Everyone is "supposed" to have a registry. So why can't we just tell people where we're registered? It seems really circuitous. Oh well--just more of the wedding weirdness!
I am putting my registry info on a separate card in my pocketfolds. ALL of my family lives OOT, so none of them are coming to the shower. How are they supposed to know where we are registered? I think if you put it on a small, separate card that matches your invites, it won't look out of place or like you are fishing for gifts. I personally would be a little irritated if I got a wedding invitation with no registry info. Having to find out on my own would seem like more effort than it was worth. In my mind, I I would say "Well, if they didn't tell me where they are registered, they I guess they just don't want any gifts" and then I would feel like a slacker for not bringing a gift to a wedding. Maybe that's just me. :) MOST of your guests want to get you a gift, and they want to get you something that they know you want and will use. I say include it!
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I agree, do not put it on the invitation. Ever. Tacky. We got an invite to a friend's wedding that specifically asked for cash. Every single person showed up with a check envelope and the checks were basically cashed before the reception was even over. We didn't receive a TY note for FIVE months after their wedding. They were engaged for approx 8 weeks, it made it look like they just had a wedding for monitary gain.
We had our registries listed on our website and had the website on the STDs. It wasn't a big deal for people to ask and after the shower everyone had basically figured it out anyways. By this day in age people know how to buy from a registry, find the couple on various registries, or just bring a check.
I think it's more about tradition than anything else, b/c I agree with the practicality of including it. Since etiquette also says it's rude not to bring a gift as a guest, it's kind of a catch-22. But I do feel that some of the underlying sentiment that it makes it seem like it's about the gifts does ring true for me. and if it doesn't for you, I think that the reason not to do it is that this is one of the things that many people apparently all around the country are sticklers about. So if you're going to end up with people thinking nasty things, why bother?
Oh, and we don't have a website: my family isn't exactly tech-savvy. :)
I have a question to add that I don't know if it's been answered before:
We're not having a shower, we have no wedding party, we don't need/want a website (it would only be for the registry) and are not in touch with 90% of our guests... What do we do?! I was just going to stick the B3 card in the invitation... FI's sister did it and I don't think anyone was offended or thought they were "fishing for gifts".
I would suggest everyone use www.amazingregistry.com to combine your registries into one easy website that shows all your items on one page. Even my 82 year old grandmother was able to use it!
As far as putting your registry info in your invites, my mom said it best: Those who will buy you what you want will look at the registry. Those who don't care won't bother anyway. So people will actively seek your registry info, or ignore it, regardless of whether you put it in the invites or not.
Yep I am with FutureMrsMorgan, that is what we did. I made this really cute little insert card with the web address to your web site-For more information on our wedding please visit us at www.domain.com- Also, I had some people asking me what we wanted as a gift and all Idid was direct them towards the website because I get embarrased asking for things or just would tell them no gift is needed don't worry about it. 
The traditional way for registry information to be passed on is through word-of-mouth. If most of your guests are parents' friends, send your in-laws the information about your registry so they have it to give to their friends. Make it easy for them to pass on the info - give them some registry cards for them to give out if someone asks for it; send them the links in an email that they can discreetly forward on to thoughtful inquirers. If someone contacts you personally for the information, you can pass on the info as well. I am in the school that directly referring to the registry in the invite is in bad taste, because it implies that you expect people to spend money on you to get you gift (versus bringing a thoughtful gift that is not necessarily expensive - e.g. one of my frends wrote a short story/poem for us).
Etiquette state not that showing up without a registry gift is in bad taste, but rather that showing up empty-handed is in bad taste. Among my family and friends, showing up empty-handed, without even a card of well-wishes, is rude.
I just got a beautiful print-at-home invitation in the mail last night. Seriously, these things were gorgeous! As I was going through the inserts, the registry card for BB&B fell out. Not only did the card look bad because it didn't match the invitation at all, the couple's names were scribbled in the blank space - the whole card completely ruined the look. As a guest, I will always either give money or something off of the registry. Also as a guest, I am perfectly aware of how to find their registries - by word of mouth from the WP, from the bride, or even looking on WeddingChannel.com which has a way to search all of the registries.
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Taking the question a step further...
I just received an invite in the mail with a separate card with hotel accommodation information as well as registry information. What do you all think of that? That way, the registry info wasn't on the invite itself, but included with other need-to-know info for guests? Still tacky? I'm just curious because to me it seemed helpful, not desperate.
IF ANYONE WAS CURIOUS, I ENDED UP NOT INCLUDING THE REGISTRY INFORMATION IN THE INVITATION. MY MOM WANTED TO FOLLOW ETIQUETTE AND SO WE DID. I STILL THINK IT'S STUPID. I'M SO SICK OF ETIQUETTE AND ALL OF THIS OTHER CONSTRAINING CRAP. IF IT'S HELPFUL, IT'S HELPFUL. POINT BLANK!
Why is it tacky (beyond the fact that it says so in Emily Post and Miss Manners' etiquette books)?
Because when you're opening an invitation and pulling out the contents, the little store registry cards are generally the first thing to fall out and are therefore the first thing the invitee sees. At which point, the invitee thinks to herself "oh crap, some couple sent me a wedding invitation and they registered at X Store--there goes another $200." Basically, it takes the focus away from couple, the celebration of their relationship, the anticipation of a fun party and draws the guest's attention to the material things they are expected to bring.
Wouldn't it be preferable to open up a wedding invitation and the first thing you see be a beautifully designed invitation, with the names of the couple and their families and little cards about the venue and menu that give you a hint of what a fun party they are planning?
I am very pro-putting the registry information on separate tab a website because it isn't the first thing you guests see and they have to actively click to see it.
We are unfortunately moving further and further into an instant gratification/technology age where everyone has immediate access to everyone else's business, even wedding information (i.e. the website). That's fine - but 1) I don't think anyone should be able to see a wedding website for a wedding that person isn't invited to and 2) I think some things are better left to tradition, like the gifts.
This may be a huge shocking piece of information, but no one is actually obligated to buy a gift for a wedding, it's completely up to them if and what they want to give to the happy couple. A gift is a choice and should come from the giver's heart since they want you to receive it.
By putting the registry inside the invitation, it is sending a message to the recipient that not only is a gift is required, but only one that's been pre-selected is acceptable. It's pushy and tacky.
I still think mentioning wedding registries in the actual invitation is not appropriate. However, they do have a place in bridal shower invitations and you may mention tactfully to visit your wedding website, which, will have the info there. My fiance and I simply put our wedding website in a small font at the very bottom of our accomodations card. Hope this helps! Congratulations!
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