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Now this is just something I have noticed; will never call out names or anything!! Just a observation. But I have noticed a few certain bees that are always negative. It seems no matter what the OP is posting about they go against what everyone is saying. If a poster is upset about something (whether they are right or wrong) and others are there for support - these bees come to point out their flaws, if a poster is posting something that all responses are negative about - these bees post something controvertial and argue with the other bees that dont agree with the post. It just seems that no matter what someone post they are always the opposite of the point of the thread or the majority of responses?
Someone posted about something they did that most would not be proud of... Just a fact; no one was juding and these posters come on and think its funny and tell everyone else how wrong they are for their feelings towards the action. Or if someone had a family member mean to them or if they were cheated on they always seem to blame the the OP? Im just confused!
They have never posted on a thread of mine that I know of- and most of mine have had very differing views but I just happened to notice this today and took a look at a few threads these ladies have commented on and it seems to be an accurate observation?
I just thought we were here for help, support, friendships, and fun? Why do people have to turn EVERYTHING into something that it isnt? There is no way that we will all always agree I fully understand that; its just when you disagree in every post you comment on its a little odd to me?! Oh well just a thought I had!
I hope I'm not one of those you're talking about! But in some help/emotional/etc threads, I think just agreeing with PP on obvious points is boring. People post here for different perspectives, so while what PPs are saying sometimes is obvious and easy to go along with, that actually makes me want to try to see other possible views.
I think I may sometimes come across as rude. English is my second language and I've been told I sometimes sound very harsh when I don't mean to be :/ Not intentional at all.
I do know what you mean though. I think you get that everywhere in life, some people can find fault in everything.
I think it's also that sometimes something written doesn't have the caring inflection that a person would have in their voice. So something that sounds okay out loud can come off cold when written. It's hard to adjust for that when sometimes we're just so excited to respond to other posts.
Also I agree with what pinkshoes said, it's sometimes a different perspective.
And, it is sometimes hard to be positive, I think a lot of people come here to share difficult experiences, and emotions are high. I know that I could use more models of good behavior, on the boards & in my own life.
I look forward to seeing what other people have to say on this one!
@emersynsmommy35: thank you so much for writing this. I 100% agree that there is a differnce from being honest, and being mean and some bees are just mean all the time. not matter what the thread is. sometime i read comments from some of these "mean bees" and all i can think about is MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
Maybe some of bees on here are so miserble in thier own lives that they attack others to themsselves feel better about thier situation????
I've noticed some bees are more blunt than others, but never downright rude.
Sometimes, some people need to play devil's advocate so the OP can see why their MIL, FI, or whomever is doing what they are doing. I don't mind differing viewpoints on any thread, mine or anyone elses. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and the same response to everything always would kill the WeddingBee Community.
I have to log off when an OP gets upset over an opinion that doesn't agree with hers. Don't post if you have made up your mind. That's just aggravating.
Also, do all of your friends always agree with you? Support doesn't mean agreeing with everyone else. Support means helping, showing you different viewpoints, NOT telling you what you want to hear.
What do you expect to accomplish with this thread? I find it very hypocritical. Here you are saying some bees are always rude. Isn't that rude??? And I think you are talking about the Bridezilla Thread. The OP knew she would get the responses she did. Those types of responses have always happened when discussing Bridezillas. It was obvious to everyone it was an unpopular topic and the people who were "rude" has always expressed those viewpoints on that show. And I think the OP could care less what people thought about her being on the show. She can more people to tune in. Her mission was accomplished.
"Tough love" is sometimes hard to take, but I would hope that no bee is intentionally trying to make the emotional poster feel worse. But if the solution to a problem is so blatantly obvious to so many bees, even if it's hurtful to the OP, I think in the end it's best not to just say "there, there, it will all work out".
I rarely find anyone rude. There are definately some rude comments, but as a rule I don't think they belong to particular bee.
Some people/bees take opposing opinions more harshley than others. Maybe they are being bit more sensitive? I think opposing opinions is useful. Otherwise there is no perspective and without perspective people can't learn about themselves or others around them.
Life is a cause and effect and if someone thinks/acts a certain way and is always told they are 100% right and the other person is 100% wrong, that is not doing anyone anf favors. Its rarely that black and white and its important to have multiple viewpoints so people can see that.
I think I am more blunt and honest than rude. Some posts are just so ridiculous that I may write something rude, but its not like I wouldn't say the same exact thing irl. I don't act any differently on here than I do irl, and I know I can sometimes come off as brash, but that's just me. I think that sometimes, one person writes something, and then other people find it funny and add to the snarkiness. I don't always agree with some of the rude things people say, but I, like @HawaiiBamaBride: get really annoyed at the posts where the OP doesn't want to hear anything but people agreeing with them, and as soon as people write something they don't want to see, they get all up in arms and offended by it.
@emersynsmommy35: I am not saying this about you, I am just saying some posters in general come here with their mind made up, and then get all pissy when people don't agree. Its just a waste of time to even post if you are going to act that way. I also think that sometimes, the OP will just add full to the fire, and then it starts real snarkiness. I know I have said some not so nice things on here, but sometimes, you have to keep it real with people. I can't imagine that all the posts I have commented on are real - in fact, I'm sure some of them were started just to get a fight going on here.
@pinkshoes: But in some help/emotional/etc threads, I think just agreeing with PP on obvious points is boring
sometimes its not about turning the thread into something exciting, or not boring. Bees post on here to get advice, to be encourged... and YES to get honest advice. But there are ways to say things without bashing someone, being mean, belittling thier ideas or plans or making them feel dumb because a choice that they made about thier LIFE, and their WEDDING.
There are things that i am guilty of doing also. I think we could all benifit from using some advice that im sure our mothers passed on to us when we were young, "if you dont have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all"
Just as there are people that come across as pessimistic or negative in real life, there are all walks of life online too. Then again, some people find that hiding behind a username and computer monitor gives them the balls to say things they normally wouldn't, or to behave differently. (LOL about "balls". sorry, I couldn't think of a different way to put it.)
@pinkshoes: Definetly NOT talking about you :)
@HawaiiBamaBride: To be honest no I'm not talking about the Bridezilla post; it was on I looked at. And I agree with most of the thoughts on the show and the comments said in there.
I am thinking of about 4 bees that comment on alot of post. Most of these post I just read while I'm at work to pass time and dont actually comment on. Just something to read. Im not saying these bees are always rude to the OP. My point was that they are always the one that says somethign controvertial. Sometimes they are the only ones saying how someone is right when it could have been cheating on someone, or they call out other bees for their opinions. I was just wondering why?!
Im not trying to accomplish anything it was just an observation. Not everyone has motives. Ive seen many post just discussing things. I just was seeing if anyone had thoughts on this.
I know everyone has their opinioins and there should always be varying opinioins to help others out. The only reason this came to my mind was because its not always a negative comment but it is always a comment to just stir the pot; do ya get what I mean? Its like the llama that starts the drama just to see responses? Maybe thats why they do it I duno?! Its Monday and Im sitting here thinking! LoL : )
Sometimes, some people need to play devil's advocate so the OP can see why their MIL, FI, or whomever is doing what they are doing. I don't mind differing viewpoints on any thread, mine or anyone elses. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and the same response to everything always would kill the WeddingBee Community.
This is what I appreciate about this site. I find most posters to be sincere, whether negative or positive, and not hateful. Blunt may feel negative if it's not your style, but that doesn't make it any less valuable.
I'll go ahead and be negative and say I don't get the point of threads like this. "I don't like mean spirited drama so let me start a thread that will incite mean spirited drama." And around and around we go...
Either call people out or don't, but why the vague "There are 4 mean posters..." and "why are some bees so negative" thing? That seems sort of drama llama in and of itself.
I agree with some PPs that a lot of us are more blunt/honest. Now, in person, I'm really blunt, sarcastic, and honest. I tame myself on here for the simple fact that I don't want to be flagged constantly and then kicked off the forum. It's not worth it. But I really don't expect people to be sensitive and sympathetic to all of us all the time. It is what it is.
@lefeymw: take us for example. Her and I agree on a good bit, but there are some things we don't. We have had some really great discussions on the boards because of this, but both of us agree that we love a good discussion, heated or otherwise. I think its also in how you perceive it, one person's heated discussion is another's harsh debate. That's why some threads can get so crazy, when one person is just discussing their views, the other person thinks they are being attacked and get all defensive. You have so many differnet personality types on these boards, everyone is not going to agree
@MrsSl82be: I agree.... Some need blunt serious advice... I know your not talking to me specifically. And I know one post where I was a little upset that bees told me I was in the wrong. That was their opinion and I still stand by the fact that I wasnt - part of my stance on that was I physically cant fill in all the details to where someone is going to explain where I am coming from (In regards to how people have treated me;; It take 17 pages! LoL) So when I realize I can either spill it all and get ragged on for how long my post is, or just say your have your opinoin thanks for sharing. So... I fully get that
Most of the time it does annoy me when someone is just sticking by their thought of it no matter what happens. Yes your going to believe what you want so just say I'm sorry you disagree?!
My point isnt for negative comments because I do find them helpful honestly! Everyone needs to see both sides of the coin! Its that these same bees are always the ones saying the things to stir the post up.
Does everyone get what I'm saying? I think its coming across that Im complaining the some bees arent always agreeing or is always negative; (Prolly cause of the title but I couldt think of a better one) but that is not what I'm *trying* to say... its more that they always always always saying things to just stir the pot not matter what the post it about!
I think the moderators here do a great job of editing or deleting posts that are actually rude or mean. What remains are posts that are blunt, maybe more honest than people feel comfortable with, but not rude. As the saying goes, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen - I think people who choose to post on a controversial topic do so with the full realization that not everyone is going to give them a Barney-show-worthy response. That being said, sure, from time to time I've seen some downright nasty responses - and those are quickly deleted. The mods do their job, and that how it goes!
@MrsStrawberry24: I dont mean BORING as to stir up controversy to cause drama to keep things exciting. I meant if everyone thought the same way, then it'd be a pretty boring conversation. Being able to see a different point of view or another perspective can be helpful too. If someone is asking for support, and they continue to be told the same thing over and over again, whats the point? Sometimes people need help to see another point of veiw.
Usually, if I just agree with like the first 15 responders already, I dont bother to repeat. If I have a different perspective that might be helpful, I'll post it. If i just have nothing good to say that'd helpful, I end up just closing the window and not responding.
I haven't seen anyone being mean, so I don't really know if that's what you're talking about (unless I'm one of them!) I know that IRL I come across as being very blunt--but that's what my friends tell me they love me for! When I see a post, I do try and balance saying it how it is if the OP might need to hear that, and just offering support (which I really don't do that often, bc there is already an abundance of that on here :-) )
I haven't seen this bridezilla post that was referenced... but I think also sometimes people might play the devils advocate. There's all these posts "this person was sooooo meeeeaaan to me" and then everyone is like, "oh poor you! aww..." and sometimes someone really does need to be like, "well you actually did something pretty obnoxious to them, plus there's a whole nother side of the story that we can't see..."
anyhow, PP's have already said my thoughts much better than I just tried to...but to echo...really, what is the point of this thread? It does seem a little hypocritical.
@KatyElle: well I wasnt specifically naming anyone it was just an example of what I was trying to make... not trying to start drama more of a discussion as to why people say things that are just controversial for the purpose of being controversial. You can obviously tell its not intended to help or hurt just to start something.
I can never word what my thoughts are correctly I swear!!! Oh well... It was just a thought for the day; so sorry if I started anything by an observation I had made. I will leave it be!
And I dont call anyone out in fears of it may being taken as snarky or whatever, I would prefer not to be warned or in "cyber trouble" for calling somone out!
Sorry again if any of you are taking this negatively that was not the point of my questions!
lol..."4 people who comment regularly?" (now everyone is thinking, "is that me?!")
way to not incite drama! ;-)
@pinkshoes: I am right there with you regarding your last paragraph.
@KatyElle: and the sensitive posters like me are now freaking-out over their coffee, wondering, "Is it me? It might be me!" lol These boards have actually helped to overcome my ridiculous insecurities... so I guess it is what you make of it.
@emersynsmommy35: So you're not trying to start drama, just a general discussion about 4 people out of a board of thousands? No negativity intended? Okie dokie, I'm sure it was just the way you worded it.
@pinkshoes: THIS is what Im saying; you just said if you dont have anything helpful to say then you close the window; my point is that some posters dont have anything helpful to say (productive or constructive) they post something anyways.
Again I'm sorry that this is being taken as I am attempting to "incite drama" as it was 100% not my intention. Just an observation I made sitting here and reading along. I did not mean 4 specific posters, I will not name names but it is noone that has posted here. and the 4 was just the number I happened to hit making the example. Again I'm sorry if I upset anyone or anything.
Honestly, after someone (I forget who) wrote on the bee that she had cried over a post, that's when I realized that bees take things a tad too seriously on this site. To be truthful, I don't post as much as I used to but I will say that I was a bee that liked to 'keep it real' as they say. I tried to be as diplomatic as possible though. I do know some bees that are a bit more blunt. I agree with them a bunch of times. I just wouldn't put it in those words but I do applaud them for posting whereas I just lurk and read the thread. Anyhow, I think I know the bees you are talking about who to my account are more than 4. They do post a lot. I do like them. I do not find them negative. I do not find them controversial. I do not find them 'negative Nancys'. I do not notice them posting in order to stir drama or to go against the tide or to point out flaws that are not readily apparent on the OP's thread. I do not agree with them all the time but I agree with them more often than not. I think a lot of bees here are too damn sensitive. Just my unasked for 2 cents.
@joy2011: I know 
@emersynsmommy35: Honestly, I didn't take it as you trying to stir things up... another example of how cyber talk sounds different in everyone's ear. I think though, the more concerned you are with how it's going to sound, the more likely you are to be left open to interpretation. Where's a good drama llama pic when you need one! Everyone lighten-up... it's too early for hurt feelings!
I've had my eyes water over a few storys shared here... and when I first joined and got called-out, yeah, I cried. I am sensitive. Sometimes that makes me insightful and sometimes it makes me annoying. Hopefully more insightful than annoying. I cry at kids' sporting events too and tv commercials, too.
@jjmomma: I'm sorry I didnt mean to make sensitive folks worry Im talking about them!
@KatyElle: and I keep saying that I didnt specifically mean 4 people I was making an example. I have appologized that my post was taken the way it has been; as it was meant as a general discussion as to why is it productive to just post something to stir the pot... I understand my title was unhelpful as to the point I was making. Im not sure if there is anything else left to say as you will just keep posting that I am trying to incite something and I have never been one to do that. But you believe what you will. And I again will appologize (take it or leave it)
@jjmomma: I agree.
To the others "Methinks thou dost protest too much?"
@bRooklynRocks: Agreed. I appreciate posters with a finely tuned bullshit detector. I like people to own their remarks instead of backpeddling.
I think it goes both ways. As engaged women, we're pretty crazy sometimes. I see it in myself a lot. I get freaked out by things that wouldn't normally upset me. Sometimes we all need a little tough love to see the light and to tell us how crazy we are.
I'm grateful for how much I've learned on here. Wouldn't you rather have a bee poster criticize something stupid you're doing than to have a guest at your wedding criticize it?
@jjmomma: Thank you! Thats my point now; that someone can appologize and say well Im sorry you to it xxx way but I didnt mean it to sound that way! And they still think your lieing and you are doing it the way they took it?
Im never hurt by a post; however a *dear friend* was hurt by a post (yes she overly sensitive!) and I told her that! If everyone wants to know what started my thoughts on this here goes:
The *dear friend* I referred to joined the bee; I have a SIL and a few friends on here. My friend posted her 1st post, very excited and called to tell me! It was to share a detail of her wedding and introduce herself. Not anything special. (she is very young and very sensitive) Anyways, she post her post and her title was a little dramatic (not bad drama just over dramatic for the post- itwas a positive post) and it was how excited she was etc.... there were (this is an exact number) 3 posters that commented something that was negative... one was like; why would you title this post what you did, its not ...... or well i thought this might be more interesting than it is, oh well im out? I jsut didnt get why a Hi I'm new to the bee let me share some wedding details could incite a rude comment?! There was nothing in her post to be rude about at all! She was very hurt and wasnt going to post again until I explained that some bees are more blunt, some dont see things as you do so Ignore them and keep going!
Nothing you say here will hurt me, may annoy me but thats easily done. Im very blunt IRL but I love this board and love being on it so I dont want to burn bridges while I'm here. I guess from now on I will start just commenting with "Why the h*ll did you just comment that as it was nothing but to stir it up" --- hope no one was offended by my post today; and I dont believe most bees are intentionally rude! I love the bees here; but just because I love you all doesnt mean I always agree-- the same as you all dont always agree with me or anyone else here!
xoxox Sorry again & I still love the bee!!! xoxo
"I just thought we were here for help, support, friendships, and fun"
We are but this is reality and this is not a site for "Agree with everyone and have nothing to say that may ever be taken as negative ane only say nice things and never give people a dose of reality". People here are honest. Honesty does not automatically make someone mean. If you cheated on your husband I am not going to support you or your decision and I'm not going to tell you I do.
You open yourself up to the community every single time you post on this stie. You should NOT EVER expect to get any sort of special treatement. You are going to be treated the way people treat others in real life. You are going to get the opinions of others and they way they think in real life. Just because that doesn't match up with what you were looking for does not make those people mean. Sorry you got your feelings hurt but you need to realize that this is how people honestly think and they shouldn't be told to keep their comments to themselves if it doesn't match up with your particular line of thinking.
@emersynsmommy35:Someone posted about something they did that most would not be proud of
^^ That made me think it was the Bridezilla thread, but I'm wrong. I apologize.
@KatyElle:I love your posts. I know you ARE one of the most blunt posters on here, but nearly every time I read something you wrote, I go, "Spot on KatyElle. Carry on."
@bRooklynRocks: I wondered what happen to you. I used to always look for your avatar on every thread I read. You always say what I want to say, but am too scared of hurting feelings to say.
We're all applying this to our own impressions of what the OP was saying. We would have to judge the climate by the individual thread she was referring to. You can't take something out of context and apply a general rule to it. What is negativity on one post may be a dose of reality on another.
Cheating threads are quite different than "how does my dress look?"
For the record, I'm all about the blunt posts. Love them. I would post "THIS" every time I agree after reading them, but don't want to be the crazy stalker lady. I own my sensitivity (and my sarcasm) and my backpedaling when I screw-up. It takes the mix to truly be worthwhile, IMO. Balance and perspective...
ps~ KatyElle's bluntness changed my life... enough said. ;)
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