Post # 1
I’ve seen posts here where people say that it’s not appropriate for their S/O to be friends with single women…only married/taken women. I’ve also seen people calling single women “hussies” or “skanks” just because they are single and apparently more of a threat to the relationship than partnered up women.
But as numerous stories have shown, if a man wants to cheat, he can just as easily cheat with someone who is married/engaged/in a relationship. I mean, in the recent post, the chick is MARRIED and still pursuing other men. And one of my good friends had some issues with her man because of inappropriate texts between him and his married-with-two-kids ex.
And the same goes for men too. I have two guys friends in my town, one in a relationship and one single. My S/O is a little jealous of the single one but not the partnered one.
Why is that? What’s so threatening about singles?
Post # 3
Good question! I’ve wondered the same.
Post # 4
Good question. I’m not threatened by them at all. I find it strange when someone is okay with their SO hanging out with a married female but not a single female.
Post # 5
@worldtraveler: I suppose it’s because singles have less reservations? Nothing to make them stop and say “wait, I can’t do this to my partner”. Pretty common sense.
Post # 6
@worldtraveler: I actually haven’t noticed that. I’m in the camp that doesn’t find opposite sex friendships appropriate at all, whether the woman is single or married. Maybe some women feel that single gals are more of a threat because they haven’t entered the covenant of marriage (a lot of us feel that’s important given this is a wedding site).
My husband is friends with my friends but he doesn’t hang out with them solo. This issue has never come up because he has no interest in hanging out with another woman one on one. The exception is my sister but she is a family member so that hardly counts. If someone is going to cheat, they will always find a way.
Post # 7
@Aquaria: You would think so, but as my friend’s story and the coworker in PJs story indicates, some people have no reservations whatsoever.
Post # 9
@MrsBeck: +1. None of it makes sense to me. People are going to do what they are doing to do, regardless of your so called rules or boundries. You can’t control what your mate does. That doesn’t mean I think its wrong define what you think you as a couple think is acceptable or non acceptable behaviors, but that all goes out the window when one party decides to cross that line.
Post # 10
I had this happen to me. I used to work around a lot of couples, many of whom were many years older. The wives hated me for years, the minute I got engaged to DH magically I was their ‘friend’. Whatever. I t was all rediculous to me. Yeah, I’m just dieing to sleep with your 60 year old drunk husband whose had two strokes and has never paid a bill on time in his life. SSI is such a turn on. Whatever.
Single women hit on my husband all the time. Doesn’t bother me a bit. I trust him completely and he is very good about stopping them and explaining that he’s married. I have had a few chics, who knew me and knew he was married (some of those chics were married also) have really been foreward and inappropriate. Some of those times have been in front of me. That’s just insulting to both of us and that’s the only time I use degrading words.
Its really all in setting parameters in conjunction with your SO. Knowing that both are of one mind in defining and reacting to those situations is key. Taking the time to be on the same page will save lots of hurt feelings and cross words down the road.
Post # 11
I actually have more often seen either
1. The woman doesn’t care, trusts the partner etc
2. The woman thinks that once in a relationship, they should never be alone with someone of the opposite sex ever again.
I don’t agree with the 2nd, but it makes more sense to me than a single/married divide that you describe (that I haven’t seen myself).
Post # 12
@worldtraveler: Maybe it could have to do with how singles and marrieds are stereotyped by society? I.e. single women going out drinking and partying all the time and being desperate for a guy/any guy whereas marrieds are seen as stable/boring/settled. Yes, it’s a generalization, but that’s the definition of stereotype.
@MrsPanda99: I am also in your male/female friend camp, even though it’s usually not a popular opinion.
Post # 13
I don’t get it either. Probably because I put the impetus not to cheat on my partner alone. I’m also totally down with crossgender friendships, which both my partner and I have without issue. If I felt like I had to depend on the situation to keep my partner from cheating, rather than depending on him, I might be more suspicious of singles, but I think that would be misplaced. Singles can go pick up other singles, people in relationships who want to cheat have more limited possibilities, which I would think would make them more bold/dependent on hooking up with a friend or colleague.
Post # 14
I don’t know, and it doesn’t make sense in either case. I think it’s pretty deeply ingrained in our sexist culture. Single women are seen as “temptresses” whether people realize it consciously or not.
I think you either trust your partner, or you don’t. End of story.
Post # 15
@MrsNewDay: People love to say it means you have no trust. I counter that it means we have respect. This issue hasn’t come up for us because neither of us think it is appropriate. It would not only be awkward but we would rather socialize as a unit (also not a popular opinion).
What works for one doesn’t work for all…yet I still get judged for it. Oh well 😛
Post # 16
It’s a trust issue. I wouldn’t care if my husband had single female friends that he hung out with when I wasn’t around. Just like he doesn’t care when I hang out with my single male friends when he’s not around. If we didn’t know how to be monogamous we wouldn’t be in a relationship.