Lol, I was going to give you the same straight up answer to your Question that MrsBtoBe14: provided. It is all biology…
And how we are hard-wired.
On the emotional side… what makes it so difficult to comprehend (reconcile) is the fact that we all think like women… and they all think like men
And because that is so, we somehow feel that they should see the world as we do… but they don’t
Again, pure biology
MY BEST ADVICE on this subject is to educate yourself on men… read up on them, come to an understanding of how they tick. Afterall if you were going to bring a Puppy into your life… you’d just naturally read up on them, and learn all you could about their wants, needs, habits and quirks…
So start there… start reading up on how guys tick…
There are some excellent men writers out there who are writing books about men specifically for women (found in the relationship aisles at your local bookstore)
Some of my personal faves:
Greg Behrendt (of Sex & the City fame and “He’s Just Not That Into You”)
Dr Phil… several great books on men & women and relationships… but probably his best for most Bees would be “Love Smart ~ Find the one you want – Fix the one you got”
John Gray (of “Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus” fame)
But there are others… spend a couple hours reading one of their books and you’ll get a whole other perspective on how men think & feel
For one thing… It is about our Biology / Nature and how we differ to survive. Men are Hunters (Women are Gathers). So where we can keep a zillion bits of info in our head at once …. (where and when the best fruit is available for picking)… they are not able to do this to the same degree… they are far more focussed (also required for survival). They can only handle a few things at once… as they had to be more atune to one specific task… stalking prey, listening for danger, and bringing home the kill (prize)
Hence where we can easily have a long term plan for life (a LIFE PLAN) all worked out in our Teens… men don’t usually even think about the need to do this until they are well into their 20s. They just ride along on whatever happens more than we do… because as Gathers we need to KNOW when things were ripe. As Hunters… they had to be prepared for whatever came their way… when it came along… there was no real “game” plan. You just reacted when things lined up in your favour… and then the window of opportunity was short… so you better be in the right place at the right time.
Men are exactly like this in relationships as well.
They tend to let others do. They only get serious if they feel there is an urgent reason to focus / change things towards their favour of being successful in getting the prize.
This is precisely WHY women need to focus more on ourselves and less on them overall. Because they don’t see any reason to change anything when they are comfortable. (Like the Hunter, it begins snowing, and suddenly there is an urgency to kill some animals so the skins can be used for warmth & shelter)
So it is with relationships…
They have to feel there is a sence of urgency in making a change.
Often that will come if a woman threatens to leave (not recommended… cause Ultimatums generally don’t work… and also men don’t generally take well to threats.)
But it can just as well come, if they feel that she is an incredible woman that could be in someone else’s line of fire… as men are very competitive. Men like to come home with THE PRIZE they don’t like to lose it to another man.
Which is exactly WHY… Mr Bee’s Plan works (Sticky at the top of the Waiting Board) … if you are an INCREDIBLE WOMAN in his minds-eye then he’ll work hard so as not to lose you.
And in the process of discovering ourselves… we’ll also become better women…
Which will happen EVEN IF the guy is too stupid to catch on to all we have to offer them.
In which case WE will be the ones who will probably get bored and move on…
Not a bad thing… as we’ll have outgrown an immature man, and be looking for someone who is a tad more focussed on the prize (us)
What doesn’t work… ever
Is feeling sorry for ourselves. Men don’t like respect women who are self focussed or driven (like they are… remember the bit where I said earlier where as women we don’t get them cause we look thru our own eyes… well the same is true for them… they look at us, thru their own eyes / understanding of how life works)
So that is the whole thing… we have to come to understand how they think, so we can use that information to our advantage
It is game playing (I never advise that)… BUT it is a way of levelling the playing field, cause you’ve read their play book.
No harm in that.
Hope this helps,
PS… NOW go out there and be the most incredible woman you can be (ala Mr Bee’s Plan).