Post # 1
I myself am entirely guilty of this. I do not expect a fancy, sweep me off my feet, excessive or extravagant proposal from my SO. However, I do still expect HIM to propose to me!
We are now independent, successful, resourceful women who work just as hard as our male counterparts and pay our way equally. We take our men to dinner and buy them little presents in order to treat them and make them feel loved, in the way they do to us.
So why when it comes to proposals do we still go all 1920s on our men?
I want my SO to propose to me more than anything…. yet I am still unwilling to propose to him myself. I want him TO WANT to ask me and then to do so…..
I asked him today what he would do if I did asked him and he admitted he would accept. But why do I feel if I ask I would be forcing his hand. Many see women who propose like a desperate ‘ball and chain’. This, in my own opinion, is not the true. However, but when a man proposes to a woman it is romantic and sweet?
My best friend proposed to her SO and he said ‘no’ and that he wanted to propose to her as that is what he knows she really wants. However, she is still waiting many years later.
Having talked too many and read so much on these boards it seems to be the case that a man propose when he is ready and the woman will accept as she is already be ready. But then why when a woman realises that she is ‘ready’ do they not propose? Is it because women are so often emotionally ready before a man therefore we need to wait for him to catch up? Is it tradition? Is it us just wanting to feel loved? Fear of rejection? Is it just that we want the fairy tale ending?
I have so much respect for the women who have proposed. I would love to hear your stories of why you wanted to wait for him. I also would love to hear the stories from the amazing women who have proposed and hear their thought processes.
I want to be engaged, yet I want a proposal too….. Am I selfish? Am I just living in a world where I want everything to come to me?
This topic was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by LilMonkey.
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm
I waited for H to propose because that was what he wanted. He is old fashioned and I trusted him when he told me that it was important to him to be the one to propose and that he would not make me wait. We started talking about our future within four months of becoming exclusive, and he proposed after a year and a half.
Luckily, we were always on the same page as far as our timeline for getting engaged so I never had to consider proposing to him to speed up the process. It wasn’t a fancy proposal. Heck, he didn’t even get down on one knee. But he really wanted to be the one to say, “Will you marry me?”
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
LilMonkey: I would have considered popping the question (and been disappointed that he didn’t ask me), but DH told me that I wasn’t allowed and that he would do it when he was ready.
I think a lot of women don’t want to propose because they are generally more ready for marriage than their guys and don’t want to freak them out asking too soon. If I had proposed when I was first ready, I don’t think we would still be together (we had been together for a year- he finally proposed 2.5 years later).
Also, I think a lot of men find it emasculating.
Post # 4
We talked about it, he said he’d like to propose. His explanation: he knew I was all in and ready. He wanted to be sure he was. He knew if he asked the question, he was all in too. He said when he proposed he would marry me that day, or any day after.
It was sweet to know that he wanted to be 100% ready and not be rushed. And I didn’t rush him, I knew it would happen and even if it never did, I was not going to give him up.
Post # 5
LilMonkey: I’m waiting for my SO because he told me he’d say no if I asked him. “that’s just not cricket” were his exact words. Lol
Post # 6
Well if the guy has already said he is not ready or given a reason he prefers to wait, it is not really fair to put him on the spot. In the case that they are both ready, there shouldn’t be a problem.
Post # 7
I’ll be perfectly honest, despite great strides in equality between the genders I feel that there’s an extreme amount of societal pressure surrounding the proposal and wedding. As a woman, if you sit around and wait, you’re setting yourself back, but if you do it yourself, you’re demanding and selfish. Men don’t get off easy either, if he doesn’t propose and she does–he’s whipped–if he does it’s because the lady wanted him to. So really you can’t win in any case; you can only decide what’s right for you.
Personally, I was determined to be proposed to because when I asked my boyfriend–now FI–about it, he said that he wanted to do it because he felt like it was the right thing to do, but he wanted to be sure that he was ready. I tried as best I could to give him some space, and sure enough six months later he proposed.
I know in this case he asked me, but as for my own parents my mom actually asked my dad and the next day they were ring shopping–they’re still married more than 30 years later.
Post # 8
I actually discussed this with my guy yesterday (I don’t remember how it came up, I just know we were on our way to dinner with friends and were talking about it). He doesn’t want me to propose. He’s kind of old fashioned and wants to be the one to ask, which I knew even without him telling me. Some guys are just like that. We’re very much equals, but he can be old fashioned and traditional about some things, the proposal included.
I would propose if he was okay with it. But because of his views on it, I won’t.
Post # 9
I was never “waiting” for my husband to propose. We were both going to be together forever anyway, so if a marriage happened, cool. If not, we’re still spending the rest of our lives together. What bigger commitment can you make?<br /><br />I asked my husband about it once and he said he would have accepted my proposal. IF marriage was something seriously important to us, I don’t see why I couldn’t have proposed.<br /><br />Ultimately, neither of us were waiting for marriage. We were already devoted to one another, I guess marriage was just icing on the cake for us. He proposed. I accepted.
Post # 10
LilMonkey: I voted “other” because well never say never. I am very uncomfortable with the thought of proposing to him. Maybe it is because of what misskittenn: said.
I think when women realize they are ready, that’s it. All we need is the right guy. Men tend to think more logically and think that they are ready when they hit a certain point in their lives. They need a). the right girl and b). the right “time”
Post # 11
I was ready to get married before my FI. I needed to know that he was ready. If I had asked him I would have felt like he hadn’t been able to come to the conclusion himself. I don’t know if the tables had been turned if I would have asked him though. I probably would have told him when I was ready and let him be traditional.
Post # 12
My FI and I had talked about getting married but he wasn’t ready at that time. Two years later we talked about it again and he was ready at that point. I wanted to just go ahead and set a date. But he insisted he wanted to propose, get a ring, and all that. I really didn’t need that but it was important to him. I think sometimes that there is so much pressure on a guy to “propose perfectly”. My FI proposed to me when I was washing dishes at the kitchen sink. It dosen’t sound romantic but it kind of was. I wasn’t expecting him to do it then and it was very intimate. To me the most important thing is spending our lives together. Not all this other “stuff”.
Post # 13
Also, it’s okay to feel that way you feel about a wedding proposal thing. Just because times have changed doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with wanting a traditional proposal i.e. wanting your FI to propose. The point is now women have choices. Were not waiting for a man to “make a move” we can be the one to take the initiative if we choose. Good Luck.
Post # 14
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
He said he wouldn’t say ‘yes’, and insisted on my waiting for him it get around to it >.> I was not overly impressed and at that point felt I deserved at least some effort in the proposal I was made to wait for 😛 so silly, as we’d already agreed we were going to get married in the next two years. Done now anyway.
Post # 15
I don’t really understand why a man needs to feel “ready”. I mean, what does that even mean? You either want to marry the person you’re seriously dating or you don’t. So I don’t get it when I see on Weddingbee that so-and-so’s boyfriend said he’s going to propose to her when he’s ready.
I proposed to my high school sweetheart when I was 19. It wasn’t a big deal, more like “Hey we should get married”. He accepted, we picked out a ring, and we were engaged for a year and a half. Then I called off the wedding three months beforehand because he was no longer the man I loved when I was a teenager. He was turning into an angry, depressed drunk just like his father had been. But that’s not the point of this thread.
If I wanted to marry a guy, I’d say something. I wouldn’t twist his arm or anything and I wouldn’t make a huge song and dance about it. I don’t see the point in doing so even when it’s coming from the man. I’d have done it again had my current husband not made an “informal proposal” only days after we met.