Why are woman so determined to be proposed to?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you propose to your SO?
    Never, if he wants me he has to ask : (98 votes)
    66 %
    Yes, I am planning to if he doesn't get there first : (7 votes)
    5 %
    I did and he said YES! : (5 votes)
    3 %
    I did and he said NO! : (4 votes)
    3 %
    Noone proposed we just sort of ended up engaged : (13 votes)
    9 %
    Other (Please explain) : (21 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm

    I waited for H to propose because that was what he wanted. He is old fashioned and I trusted him when he told me that it was important to him to be the one to propose and that he would not make me wait. We started talking about our future within four months of becoming exclusive, and he proposed after a year and a half. 

    Luckily, we were always on the same page as far as our timeline for getting engaged so I never had to consider proposing to him to speed up the process. It wasn’t a fancy proposal. Heck, he didn’t even get down on one knee. But he really wanted to be the one to say, “Will you marry me?” 

    Post # 3
    Member
    2529 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    LilMonkey:  I would have considered popping the question (and been disappointed that he didn’t ask me), but DH told me that I wasn’t allowed and that he would do it when he was ready.

    I think a lot of women don’t want to propose because they are generally more ready for marriage than their guys and don’t want to freak them out asking too soon. If I had proposed when I was first ready, I don’t think we would still be together (we had been together for a year- he finally proposed 2.5 years later).

    Also, I think a lot of men find it emasculating.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1103 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    We talked about it, he said he’d like to propose. His explanation: he knew I was all in and ready. He wanted to be sure he was. He knew if he asked the question, he was all in too. He said when he proposed he would marry me that day, or any day after. 

    It was sweet to know that he wanted to be 100% ready and not be rushed. And I didn’t rush him, I knew it would happen and even if it never did, I was not going to give him up. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    LilMonkey:  I’m waiting for my SO because he told me he’d say no if I asked him. “that’s just not cricket” were his exact words. Lol

    Post # 6
    Member
    2726 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Well if the guy has already said he is not ready or given a reason he prefers to wait, it is not really fair to put him on the spot. In the case that they are both ready, there shouldn’t be a problem.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1111 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’ll be perfectly honest, despite great strides in equality between the genders I feel that there’s an extreme amount of societal pressure surrounding the proposal and wedding. As a woman, if you sit around and wait, you’re setting yourself back, but if you do it yourself, you’re demanding and selfish. Men don’t get off easy either, if he doesn’t propose and she does–he’s whipped–if he does it’s because the lady wanted him to. So really you can’t win in any case; you can only decide what’s right for you.

    Personally, I was determined to be proposed to because when I asked my boyfriend–now FI–about it, he said that he wanted to do it because he felt like it was the right thing to do, but he wanted to be sure that he was ready. I tried as best I could to give him some space, and sure enough six months later he proposed.

    I know in this case he asked me, but as for my own parents my mom actually asked my dad and the next day they were ring shopping–they’re still married more than 30 years later. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I actually discussed this with my guy yesterday (I don’t remember how it came up, I just know we were on our way to dinner with friends and were talking about it). He doesn’t want me to propose. He’s kind of old fashioned and wants to be the one to ask, which I knew even without him telling me. Some guys are just like that. We’re very much equals, but he can be old fashioned and traditional about some things, the proposal included.

    I would propose if he was okay with it. But because of his views on it, I won’t.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8707 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I was never “waiting” for my husband to propose. We were both going to be together forever anyway, so if a marriage happened, cool. If not, we’re still spending the rest of our lives together. What bigger commitment can you make?<br /><br />I asked my husband about it once and he said he would have accepted my proposal. IF marriage was something seriously important to us, I don’t see why I couldn’t have proposed.<br /><br />Ultimately, neither of us were waiting for marriage. We were already devoted to one another, I guess marriage was just icing on the cake for us. He proposed. I accepted.

    Post # 10
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    LilMonkey:  I voted “other” because well never say never. I am very uncomfortable with the thought of proposing to him. Maybe it is because of what misskittenn:  said. 

    I think when women realize they are ready, that’s it. All we need is the right guy. Men tend to think more logically and think that they are ready when they hit a certain point in their lives. They need a). the right girl and b). the right “time”

    Post # 11
    Member
    479 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I was ready to get married before my FI.  I needed to know that he was ready.  If I had asked him I would have felt like he hadn’t been able to come to the conclusion himself.  I don’t know if the tables had been turned if I would have asked him though.  I probably would have told him when I was ready and let him be traditional.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    My FI and I had talked about getting married but he wasn’t ready at that time.  Two years later we talked about it again and he was ready at that point.  I wanted to just go ahead and set a date.  But he insisted he wanted to propose, get a ring, and all that.  I really didn’t need that but it was important to him.  I think sometimes that there is so much pressure on a guy to “propose perfectly”.  My FI proposed to me when I was washing dishes at the kitchen sink.  It dosen’t sound romantic but it kind of was.  I wasn’t expecting him to do it then and it was very intimate.  To me the most important thing is spending our lives together.  Not all this other “stuff”.

    Post # 13
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Also, it’s okay to feel that way you feel about a wedding proposal thing.  Just because times have changed doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with wanting a traditional proposal i.e. wanting your FI to propose.  The point is now women have choices.  Were not waiting for a man to “make a move” we can be the one to take the initiative if we choose.  Good Luck. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    He said he wouldn’t say ‘yes’, and insisted on my waiting for him it get around to it >.> I was not overly impressed and at that point felt I deserved at least some effort in the proposal I was made to wait for 😛 so silly, as we’d already agreed we were going to get married in the next two years. Done now anyway.

    Post # 15
    Member
    918 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I don’t really understand why a man needs to feel “ready”. I mean, what does that even mean? You either want to marry the person you’re seriously dating or you don’t. So I don’t get it when I see on Weddingbee that so-and-so’s boyfriend said he’s going to propose to her when he’s ready.

    I proposed to my high school sweetheart when I was 19. It wasn’t a big deal, more like “Hey we should get married”. He accepted, we picked out a ring, and we were engaged for a year and a half. Then I called off the wedding three months beforehand because he was no longer the man I loved when I was a teenager. He was turning into an angry, depressed drunk just like his father had been. But that’s not the point of this thread.

    If I wanted to marry a guy, I’d say something. I wouldn’t twist his arm or anything and I wouldn’t make a huge song and dance about it. I don’t see the point in doing so even when it’s coming from the man. I’d have done it again had my current husband not made an “informal proposal” only days after we met.

     

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  CorvusCorax.
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