Post # 1
So my question is… why are YOU getting married? (For those that are!)
Recently, while speaking to my extremely unsporting mother who has been married and divorced twice, she asked me why I was getting married if everything in my relationship was going well. I gave her my honest answer but at the same time thought not only is this the rudest question to ask but is there ever just one answer?! I think not. I think there are a myriad of reasons for getting married and each are equally important.
So Bees…have you ever been asked this question and if so what is/was your answer?
Post # 2
Beeee13: I have been shocked by how many people have asked me this! We live together and have been together for 6 years, so maybe they thought we didn’t believe in marriage or something? Either way- so rude.
Usually I say something about how we had talked about it for years, but that we finally felt ready. Which is kind of a lame explanation, but I’m a pretty private person face to face.
In reality, we’re just in love. We’ve been in love for years and we just WANT to be married. I was terrified of marriage because of my parents (terrible marriage, yelling, screaming, constant fighting), and we met young (way before I was thinking long term). He made it clear from early on that he wanted to marry me, I made it clear I wasn’t ready and he said he would wait until I was, he said all I had to do was tell him. Well I don’t know exactly why but about 6 months ago I just started feeling ready. It got to a point where I felt a little silly calling him my “boyfriend”, our lives have become so intertwined that he really is much more to me than that, and he has expressed a similar thing.
I never explain this part to my friends since none of them are married. I think they would take it like I’m downplaying being a non-married couple. But if I’m competely honest, I DO think there’s a difference between just living together in a relationship and being married. I DO think one means a little bit more than the other.
I want him to be more than my boyfriend to the outside world, I want to be more than his girlfriend to the outside world. I want to merge our lives as much as we possibly can, and this is how our current society and culture does it.
Post # 3
Beeee13: I think this comes up a lot with people who are anti-marriage. There are a lot of reasons why people want to get married. You are afforded rights that non-married couples don’t necessarily get, you are protected legally in the event of a break up, you become an “official” family, it’s part of your religion, etc. To some people it’s “just a piece of paper” that they don’t need, to others it’s very important. For me, I want to be married before starting a family and I want to have the rights of a married couple. It’s also symbolic in a way that isn’t tangible, it’s showing a commitment that goes beyond being boyfriend and girlfriend.
Post # 4
Beeee13: I don’t think it’s “the rudest question”, but certainly she has a different viewpoint if she’s been married a couple times and perhaps isn’t in a relationship. I got married because everything WAS going well, your mom’s very argument for NOT getting married. Lol! We get along great, we don’t fight, we laugh and have fun, and we love each other!
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
I was asked this too many times to even count. I really can’t believe people think it’s okay to ask this questions. I am kinda astounded by it to be honest. When people ask me “Why are you getting married” If they are married, I usually say the same thing “So I can be as happy as you are”
Anyways I got married (A little over a month ago) Because I love him, and he makes me happier than anyone else. He loves my son as if he was his own. I trust him. I wanted the security that marriage brings. I wanted to have his last name. I wanted to be more than his girlfriend.
Post # 6
Apart from the fact that we love each other, we’ve been living together for a while, and we want to start a real life together. We want to be married before we move away together and have kids. Seems practical to me 🙂
Post # 7
This is always an interesting question! I come from a traditional Chinese family with a lot of customs and ancient heritage. I’m not saying I’m getting married because everybody else in my family gets married. I think it’s beautiful and loving to commit oneself to this one person. To share the same surname as your loved one just signifies a union and your own family. I can’t wait to change my surname and have children with my FI. I think you can still feel the same closeness and union without a marriage license but to be called someone’s wife is just an exciting prospect I’m really looking forward to!
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
I have never been asked this question. If it’s rude or not depends on who’s asking and how they ask?
we are getting married because we have never been so happy, content and comfortable with another person, we see ourselves getting old together, and want to spend our lives together. It sounds kinda cliche, esp since I was someone who has never been close to being married (I’m 38) and frankly was ok with never doing so. But once I met him, all that changed.
Post # 9
I have been asked this question a LOT, I am a 23 year old bride (24 by the day) and I got engaged at 21 so all of my friends, coworkers, siblings, ect. have asked why I am getting married. Honestly, the “institution of marriage” means nothing to me. I don’t need a piece of paper to say that I love this man more than anything else in the world, we are getting married for the legal reasons, I need to go back to school and can’t claim my own income until I am married. Also, we want the tax breaks and power of attorney that comes with it (since neither of us are close to our families.) Our wedding is going to be a celebration of our relationship as it is now and moving forward, traiditional “marriage” ideas nonwitholding.
Post # 10
Beeee13: My parents were never married. Both of my grandparents were divorced. I didn’t believe love could last forever. Fell in love with a guy, and didn’t expect much. 5 years later, he’s down on one knee and I can’t imagine anything else.
We work together, we own a business together, we literally do everything together. We want the same things out of life. We are opposites in some ways, but in the ways that are necessary to help each other grow as people.
Why actually GET married? Taxes. Making life easier for others to understand to outsiders (my husband sounds a bit more reliable than my boyfriend of 5 years). And really, why not? Because it makes us happy, and that’s all that matters!
Post # 11
I’ve been asked this a large number of times (I have an unconventional relationship). I don’t take it personally, because in my case it’s just because people don’t understand. I do my best to explain that we want to spend our lives together, regardless of who else we choose to include in those lives in the future.
Post # 12
Beeee13: This isn’t very romantic, but we’re getting married for legal security. If anything ever happens to either of us, I want to be his legal next of kin and have power of attorney, and vise versa. Even without a marriage license, we’re committed life partners, but the legal issues are a big deal for me.
Post # 13
Beeee13: We got married because we wanted to make that committment to eachother. We wanted our relationship to be recognized in the courts and church and show that we have a bond that cannot be broken.
Sure a lot of people think that its just a piece of a paper, but like I said, that piece of paper is binding. You can’t just walk away from eachother, if you get mad you have to work it out. You can’t run to mommy or daddy’s house, or to a friends house.
For us it wasn’t just about the financial and legal security. It was much more than that. We are so much closer now that we are married.
Post # 14
That “piece of paper” affords couples 1,138 benefits, rights and protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law. Those rights are not automatic for unmarried couples. They may obtain some or even many of these rights, but it takes significant time and money with an attorney to do so. I have no issue with people who choose not to marry, provided they know what they are giving up, but there are too many people who don’t realize what they didn’t have until the death of a partner when they realize they cannot be at the bedside in a hospital, cannot choose funeral arrangements, are not eligible for Social Security benefits or pension plans, etc. There are scores of things that people don’t ever miss until they need or expect them.
Post # 15
Wow! Thank you for all the responses! so a little background me and my FI have been dating 12 years (since I was 17!!) and living together for almost 8 years. Again, calling him my “boyfriend” does not come close to describing who he is to me and the depth, seriousness and complexity of our relationship. I love this man to death and want to make our commitment formal and public. I want our marriage to be the foundation hat we begin a family on and yes I do believe being married and cohabitating are different. I guess it diffict for people who have not had the best of luck in marriage to understand but I wanted her to remember how she felt when she married my dad, to think of the reasons why she did it and maybe she could see why I feel this way.
Also, in case something happened to one of us we’d be protected and I wouldn’t be viewed as just his girlfriend. Plus I’m sure the tax breaks are great!