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You will definitely make enemies.....fyi. I decided to have a DW because i didn't want to waste $50-60K on one day. We are having a very intimate, and gorgeous wedding in St. Thomas. Just parents, siblings, and 1 friend each. It is costing us less than $15K and we are going to have the time of our lives!! Considering that we will be staying at The Ritz-Carlton, I believe we got a really good deal! - honeymoon included!
Some people have told me that we are being selfish for doing this but at the end of the day...it is OUR wedding. At the end of the day, people who are truly happy for you, will congratulate you no matter what. Best of luck to you.
Although deciding to host a DW... it is not easy planning one... however we do not regret our decision, we'd rather spend our money on a week long trip and ceremony than one single day... also... as bad as it sounds... FI is of asian decent and we arent swimming in though dough, so deciding to have a DW has helped to keep the guest list down (we invited 120 and have a guest list of just over 40 for now).
Of course we are going to miss some important people at our wedding, but this is what we wanted for our day and everyone is showing t o respect that so far 9maybe we've been lucky... but no enemies yet)
PS... I would highly recommend a wedding planner who has connections with a travel advisor... i have just under 11 months of planning left so if you want any help, just PM me! good luck
1. Saved money. We live in the most expensive city to have a wedding in Canada. Just to touch the inkling of our vision would've cost us easily over $30k. We don't have that kind of money nor are comfortable with spending that for a one day celebration.
2. Guest list. With the above being said, we were hit with the realization... did we really want to fork out $200 to pay for meals of obligatory invites? The answer was an astounding no. FI was the one who suggested a DW to AVOID the logistical nightmare of coordinating our two families and friends.
3. Paradise. After visiting Miami this past summer, I was more convinced than ever that I wanted to get married in my "happy place" (which is a tropical paradise). When FI suggested a DW, I was totally on board.
I really haven't looked back since. Actually, having a DW is really coming in handy for taking care of the "guest problem". It weeds out a lot of people who are in it for the free food and in the end if they want to come anyway, it out of their pockey, not mine. I am SUPER excited about it.
DEFINITELY get a travel agent. I am using Beach Bum Vacation (free!) and I haven't been happier. They have answered all my questions (even if they are completely misdirected) and have REALLY taken out 80% of the stress I had!!
With a DW, BOTH you and your FI must be on board.
His family was already burned by his sister who had a courthouse wedding and didn't tell anyone other than him and their father just a few years after their mother died. They all fell left out, and then it only made the situation worse when she stopped talking to family shortly thereafter. (In fact, I just met this future sister-in-law at Christmas - our 4th holiday together!)
We know we have to invite many people to avoid drama, and we don't have a huge problem with that. But, paying for all of those folks is a stretch and planning an affair here where we live would still leave my family traveling quite far.
DW is a natural way to invite many people while keeping the guest list small since most are not that involved with our lives to both attending an event that's a 10 hour plane ride from here. But, any DW will be followed by a more casual AHR to allow those family members to celebrate with us.
For us, it took the pressure off of "decorations" like expensive chair covers and sashes and $3,000 in dinner and alcohol for hundreds of people... And put the emphasis on us starting our lives together. We only have 12 guests and I am beyondddd excited for that.
Our second reason was money, it cost us like $5000 for our Hawaii wedding as opposed to $11,000 for our hometown wedding.
I honestly dont think we are saving any money on our destination wedding. Its about a 70 person wedding and it was honestly the only way we could keep the guest list down. Since we have been dating for so long we have accumulated a lot of "I can't wait to go to your wedding".
So instead of paying a Chicago price tag for 250 people we are getting the highest end for 70 people in Colorado and I suppose saving money based in the smaller size.
To appease some grumpy friends, family and coworkers we are doing an open house reception with just appetizersand snacks.
I'm having the same conversation right now with my hubby to be. We are 95% decided to go destination. Similar to the answers above, it's for the money. We want to celebrate with our friends and family for the week rather than spending so much money on one day.
A DW is the only option we considered ever since we started talking about getting married. We both love to travel & just wanted to be different from what everyone else in both of our families do for wedding.
The other reasons are for what's already been mentioned: Money-- we're spending about 10-11k on our wedding in St. Thomas (not including travel) & giving our guests a LOT more & better quality than we would have been able to give 150-200 guests here in Atlanta.
The second reason is to keep the guest list down. We really wanted to avoid "obligatory" invites & have a very intimate ceremony.
The last reason is that we'd love to spend DAYS with our favorite people rather than a few minutes each with guests that range from favorite people to ppl we only invited because we "had" to.
I don't think it's easier at all. For me, I really wanted my wedding in Mexico because I have alot of family there, it would be a celebration on a much larger scale than I could have ever been possible in my home town near Seattle. The cost of the bells and whistles is much cheaper in mexico as well, and I guess I just don't really mind that alot of people won't make it. =)
Fo me and FI we dont have alot of relatives etc so we never invisioned a big event. We love to go away together. We loved the idea of spending a week with our immediate family since after I marry I will be moving from Canada to NYC to be with FI and leavig my family behind and his family lives in Texas so he does not get to spend alot of time with them. It is a chance for us to make alot of memories with our families together! W have invited 80 friends and fam and so far there is 25 of us booked we are antiicipating around 40-45 people! I can not wait we are going to Punta Cana for a week of fun in the sun!
My FI and I have known for a long time that when we got married, it would be a destination wedding.
1. My family is small and his family is huge. There would be no way to have a small wedding at home or to exclude anyone from his side. I want an immediate family only wedding. Destination is the way to do that!
2. I was not born with the *bride gene. Things like themes, colour schemes, center pieces, invitations... just aren't me. I care about marrying my best friend, wearing a beautiful dress and spending the day with my immediate family.
3. Selecting the bridal party! We are having my brother and his sister. Done. If I had an at-home wedding, there would be several people with hurt feelings. My two closest friends would both want to be my MOH.
4. We got engaged in Jamaica last month and now we definitely know we want to go back there to get married!
5. It saves us money. We are purchasing our first home within the next few months. Our money is going towards that.
6. Our families get a holiday. My parents have been mulling over the idea for a couple of years and now they finally have a reason to get away! We aren't expecting people who would have just been "regular guests" to pay to attend our wedding, which is why they aren't invited.
All in all, I think it's a personal choice. It works for some couples, not others. The bride and groom will also need to be prepared for some disappointment. If you are inviting tons of people to your DW, some people may not be able to attend. Others may express negativity towards the idea in general. Hold you head up high and stick to your decision!
@mrsbruff2b: I am using Beach Cum Vacation too! Steve Curnow has been great to work with and even gets back to you on weekends.
FI and I chose to go the DW route because we just couldn't stomach the thought of paying thousands of dollars for a 5 hour event in NYC. And I also knew we couldn't afford the wedding we really wanted in NYC. At least with a DW we are paying a fraction of the cost for the wedding day AND 11 days in paradise. As for our friends and family...a lot of them were pissed that we put the cost off on to them in the sense that they have to pay for themselves if they want to come but, eventually, the ones that we really wanted there came around to the idea and are now excited to come to Jamaica for our nuptials. It may seem selfish to some, but I would rather invest in a week + full of memories and time spent with loved ones than a 5 hour party in which I get to spend maybe 5 minutes tops with each guest.
we're having a destination wedding too (sort of). we're having it in the philippines. it was almost an automatic decision for us because we were both born there.
we spent our early childhood there. and that's where we first met. a lot of our relatives are there and we still have old friends there too. it's almost like our second home so we feel like it's not really a 100% destination wedding. our families are excited for the vacation already. my mom has called our relatives over there thrice already since we got engaged (which was last week!)
even our friends here have already expected it long before we were engaged and are willing to fly there to be at our wedding (they have over a year to prepare anyway). so it's pretty much settled.
finacee and i talked about it over the weekend and we think it'll be wise to get our suppliers from there since it's easier in terms of logistics and cheaper too since everything is cheaper there.
We are having a DW this oct in Mexico! The reson why we decided to do it this way is due to the fact that 50% of our family lives in Toronto and the other 50% is from Britich Columbia. Where ever we ended up having the wedding half the family would have to travel so we figured what the heck why dont we all travel!!!!!!!! so far the planning has been great you can be as little or as much invalved as you like. Im a very hands on kinda girl so i have been in contact with my WC on a weekly bassis with little details that i want. Over all our entire budget is $8000.00. The travel company that we are going with offers "for every 10 people you get the 11th free!" which has worked out great! (we are at 42 people already). Happy planning!!! if you have any questions feel free to pm me!
OMG!!! I just realized the horrible typo I posted! I meant to say Beach BUM vacations. Sorry if I offended. 
For us, it's money. We kept our guest list to family and close friends. Our bridal party is close friends and family members...ppl that would likely be coming anyway. Some of our bridal party had to drop out due to financial reasons, but we completely understand. You have to expect a shorter guest list, but that is ultimately what we wanted. Ppl might see it as selfish but I've been in weddings with bridezillas and think their behavior is selfish and demanding. We are spending about 15 thousand versus 30 plus.
I have a question for all the brides who said it was the money. I hope you don't take my question the wrong way - I'm not being snarky, just sincerely curious.
I'm assuming when you quote the price of your wedding, that doesn't include the travel expenses of your guests. So in the end, doesn't it cost more to have a destination wedding, except the cost is now spread between dozens of people?
For example, I'm having my wedding overseas because that's my fiance's hometown. His family has generously offered to pay for the whole wedding, because my family is travelling quite a bit to attend the wedding. So you might say it's costing us nothing to have this wedding. However, I have three siblings who are all still students, so it's costing my parents $10 000 just for air fare. This doesn't include food, lodging, or tourist activities.
So I'm really curious, how is it cheaper to have a destination wedding? Is it because guests would pay to have a vacation there anyway? It's just hard for me to make sense, seeing through my eyes. Perhaps with friends and family who are more financially able, it's not as a huge burden?
Thanks for answering my question, and I apologize if I have made any presumptions.
We were never really interested in having a wedding, but once we were engaged the planning just kind of started. We rock climb and so when my FI introduced me to Joshua Tree, California I fell crazy in love with it. He proposed our second trip there together and from that moment on we talked about having a celebration party there. That was out main reason....Just being there together again, and showing this magical place to our friends and family.
@AlexisB: To answer your quesitons, perhaps the overall cost adding up everyones expenses is more but generally you don't include guests expenses in your own wedding budget. When planning a wedding at home, I wouldn't include the cost of OOT guests hotel stay, gift, outfit, etc. so to me travel to a destination is no different. It is not a cost I'm incurring, therefore you are saving money.
That being said, money was not at all the reason we chose a DW. Our budget is in fact the exact same as when we were originally planning a local wedding. We chose a destination wedding because we love to travel and it was simply the way we wanted to get married. And to the OP, I can say that DW is not the solution to family issues. In fact it will likely bring out more. It is definitely not less stressful than planning a local wedding either. I am also having a reception at home when we return and the DW part has been the most stressful. Do I regret my decision though, not for one second. I am soooo looking forward to my wedding next month and wouldn't change a thing!
The traditional wedding was getting to be too much and to stressful. We were doing everything on our own and paying for all of it. Well I was doing it all and he was paying for it. It got to be more then I wanted to deal with and was making me very unhappy and causing us to fight. So we decided to Elope but when some of our close friends were told they were upset and started asking if they could come to watch. We then decided to make it DW.
The total of the wedding (including guests' travel expenses, lodging, etc.) is just as much if not more than the cost of a wedding at home. The difference is obvious... Most couples are not paying for their guests to travel, but primarily, the main reason it is less expensive is bc you're paying for less ppl at your ceremony and reception. We are anticipating about 25 ppl, whereas, at home we would anticipate about 150 ppl at our wedding. Do the math. Secondly, as someone mentioned, the stress of a wedding at home is prob two to three times greater because you're planning a party of a larger scale than a DW entails. Personally, I am having my wedding away due to financial issues... I just can't afford to pay 30k on a party, and also to alleviate some of the wedding related stresses of a big wedding- who to invite, flowers, decisions, decisions, decisions. We invited about 130 ppl, friends and family, and whoever wants to come is welcome to come, but we understand if they can't or don't want to. Before I decided to have destination wedding, I cleared it with my fam to make sure they could swing it bc I would not be able to afford paying for their travel. I also gave two years notice for ppl to save money if they wanted to come.
We are having what I call the happy comprimise destination wedding. We are located in Atlatna but we have decided to have a beach wedding in Sanannah, GA. I originally wanted to go abroad to Jamaica, Cancun, or something of that nature but my fiances mother won't get on a boat or a plane.....I can't just tell him that she can't come, but I wasn't willing to comprimise my beach. Savannah is about 3 hours away from us, familiar enough for the people we invite to get there, and affordable. No one needs a passport and we will have good ol' southern hospitality and food in addition to the beautiful natural landscape.
Well I am coming in from a different angle, as we have not decided to have a destination wedding just yet. My reasons for considering a DW are as follows:
1) Money. My Dad is giving us 6k for wedding/wedding gift and I would much rather spend 3k on our honeymoon/wedding than spend 3k on just a wedding an not have a honeymoon. BF and I have talked about it and we decided that we only want to spend on the wedding/honeymoon half of our gift.
2) I have stressing about all the little details and I can see myself hating it so much! I would rather travel some place breath taking and worry about only small details for us than this huge event for 200+ ppl.
Reasons why we are considering not doing DW:
1) A huge amount of our family couldn't go, and unfortunately none of his immediate family could. Also, our grandparents would be able to go. I think it would be pretty rude to invite ppl knowing that only my family and friends will be able to afford the trip.
2) We come from very backwoods folk so the biggest thing about a reception here is providing the alcohol for ppl to get wasted and in turn get presents. I would feel bad about not being able to party hard with our friends and family to celebrate, and I would also miss the gifts.
3) I realize I could do this at a DW, but I am really excited about wearing a beautiful dress on the day I get married, but if nobody is there to see it, I might feel sort of robbed of the experience..
We decided on a DW mainly because we wanted a more intimiate celebration and to be able to celebrate for a couple of days instead of just 1. We did an engagement party where we are from and had 250+ people. We did not see each other virtually the entire night because we were always being pushed one way or another. It just wasn't what we wanted for our actual wedding.
As you said, not everyone was happy with our decision and some people were not able to come. However, it was the right decision for us and what we wanted for our wedding. Good luck to you!
well, here's a rare perspective: one of each! i'll tell you why DH1 and i had a DW, and why FI and i will not be having one.
DH1's family is 90% in the state of MI, with his parents and brother in NJ and one aunt and her family in MS. all of my family (at the time...my sister is now in NY state) are in NJ. it just made it easier. we had immediate family join us in the smokies for the wedding. the entire party, including the photographer and her daughter/assistant and the officiant, was 11 people. then we had an informal reception in NJ the following weekend for my family, and one in MI the weekend after that for his (since we lived in upper MI at the time). we were flat broke but had a lot of time, so it worked out great as a money-saver. we spent about $1200 on the wedding, all-told, and our parents footed the bills for the receptions as gifts to us.
FI and i will not be doing a DW. at least, it won't be a DW for us. it will be local to us, and to FI's family and friends (who are all in southwest WI and in the metro), but it will still be a "destination" for everyone from my side. the reason for this...FI's family are flat broke, so if it isn't local, they won't be there, and his side of the invitees is the small side, so if they don't show, there won't be anyone to represent his side. plus, this being my second time around and his first, it only seems fair to make it a little easier for his family.
having a DW the first time around (not even inviting most family) and making people travel a long distance the second time around, i'm not the most popular person in my family right now, lol.
@smiles4jo: We're having a DW because it's exactly what we want. My FI is not one for a fuss, this is his first and my 3rd (& final)wedding, and we love to travel. We're renting a house in the Bahamas that will comfortably accomodate us, my teenage daughter, another couple, and his mom. His father & guest want to make their own travel arrangements. There will only be a total of 7 or 8 people. We plan to have a simple ceremony on a beach, then we're taking everyone on a sunset champagne cruise. After that we'll probably look for some local entertainment and dancing then hit some casinos etc. The rest of the trip will be honeymoon and fun with people we love. Since we have additional family & friends here at home, we're planning a separate party (which may just be a garden catered event) after we return. We don't want to exclude anyone, but we also wanted something a bit more than a weekend in Vegas. If I had to do any more planning than I'm currently doing I'd want to strangle kittens - and that's no way to get married.
1. cost
2. love travel
3. a good chuck of the obligatory people who would go to the at home wedding will nto fork out the cash for the DW. SCORE!
4. Everyone gets a vacation and has a blast together
5. At the reception we can just party and have a good time w/o having to visit EVERY table and spend time greeting and thanking for coming
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Before we got engaged, my honey and I had talked about the idea of having a destination wedding. We both love to travel and it seemed like it would make some of the 'sticky' family issues easier.
We got engaged last weekend (on a Caribbean cruise) and we are now trying to decide when and where we will actually get married.
Now that it's real, I'm second guessing the destination wedding thing. I doubt it actually would be easier to deal with the family stuff and would likely mean that some people who are important to me wouldn't be able to make the trip.
So, what made you decide to have a destination wedding? Are you happy with the choice? Any advice on making it work?