"Why aren't you TTC?" (VENT)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m not married yet, so no one requests babies from me, but I think it’s such a rude question. What if you’d been secretly trying for a year and were devastated not to be pregnant? Imagine how much that question could hurt!

Post # 4
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@icanhearyousmile:  Holy crap. You are surrounded by baby-obsessed people. Wow. People really need to wake up and realize that procreating is a VERY personal decision that impacts YOU most of all not them. I’m sorry that they are being so annoying, but keep doing what you are doing as you are on the right track.

Post # 5
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Laurenplusalex:  Yes, I actually had to remind my FI of that possibility. A couple of his friends got married years ago, and he’s like, “Shouldn’t they be popping one out now?” I was like, “How do YOU know that they aren’t trying? The guy had medical issues, and the girl is in her 30s so it may not be as easy.” Either way, it’s none of anyone’s business but the couple’s.

Post # 7
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

Im only 22 but I completely understand. when I told my mother in light conversation that I didnt know if I ever wanted children. Got my head ripped off and my sister and mother ended up crying about it together. I just dont have the go-to feeling when it comes to kids, I enjoy my nieces and nephiews but I dont know if i want one of my own. I dont know why it makes people so upset…Its not like Im saying they cant have kids because Im not..

Post # 8
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m 29 so imagine how I feel!  I hear it all the time.  I was actually told by a family member that I was getting too old and probably won’t be able to conceive.  FI and I are planning to not prevent pregnancy anymore around Christmas this year, but we don’t want to tell people because then we’ll constantly have questions about whether or not I’m pregnant yet. 

I’m glad we have waited.  We’ve been together for 7 years, and our 20s were full of college, parties and friends.  If we wanted to spontaneously spend the weekend OOT, we can.  We are currently waiting to close on our first home together, and are finally getting married.  We never put anything off because we were unsure, but we both knew we wanted to accomplish certain things before we start a family. 

Just ignore it.  I usually respond with, “We’ll have a baby eventually, when the time is right for us.” It’s not fair for us, or a baby, to bring them into the world when we were not ready to make that kind of change in our lives. 

Post # 10
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

DH and i have no plans of having kids. ever. i have not a single mothering bone in my body. not to mention we re dirt poor and just got married in may. people at work make comments to me too about having a baby. i find it rude and in poor taste. its none of their business with what my husband and i choose to do with our money and lives. the next time someone says something, i may just snap.

Post # 12
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

A lot of my younger, female co-workers ask when I’m having kids. My SIL is also pretty bad about it, but she’s taken to just bugging my husband about it instead. My mom will periodically mention how nice the computer room would look as a nursery (we don’t live with my parents), or ask if I have maternity insurance.

I just smile, make some smart ass comment, and change the subject.

Post # 13
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My FI and I don’t plan on having kids. I know *I* don’t want them. Ever. My FI’s fine not having them. I consider us CBC (Childfree by choice). It’s two months out from the wedding, and I’ve already gotten questions about when we’re going to start having kids.

Post # 15
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Wow you are surrounded by baby freaks! That sucks. We don’t get it too bad yet. Only some of my fiance’s aunts have commented. Knowing his family, I’m sure the comments will increase once we get married. His parents have yet to say anything but I think it’s because we aren’t married yet so they think it isn’t proper. He is an only child so I bet we will be bombarded with requests from his parents to give them grandchildren. It will be a nasty surprise for them to learn we don’t WANT kids haha. He says his mom will be pissed. Oh well, not their life. I joked with my fiancé about telling his family we’re sterile so they’d feel awkward and bad for us versus bugging us about it. 

Post # 16
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Sounds like some of your friends have baby rabies.  (An autocorrect mistake for “baby crazy” that I actually loved.)  I would just say we have X coming up in the next year so now isn’t the right time and then change the subject.  “Hey, since I just mentioned x which is our anniversary trip to the UK, what places in London are awesome to see?”

My mom had me in her 20s and my baby sister in her 40s (no siblings in between us.)  She said 30s would have been best but she preferred being a mom in her 40s than when she was in her 20s.  She admits that in her 20s she was overly stressed and unprepared financially or emotionally to be a mom; for example, when I cried as a baby she thought I was doing it specifically to punish her.  She also admitted that child birth is better in the 2000s than it was in the 80s!

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