Post # 1
The micro vent:
SO and I went to my university’s homecoming/casino night this last week end… And four separate people asked if we were married. Now I haven’t said anything about getting married in over a month (since I posted something on here that made me realize I’d totally lost it and needed to just step back) so I couldn’t help but turn bright red and awkwardly stutter “No, we’re just dating.” And my SO’s response? “If I’m lucky she’ll actually say yes when I ask her because I’d be an idiot to let her get away.” Which was so sweet but… it was also a little stab in the heart because I really had been doing very well focusing on school, etc. but I’ve had marriage on the brain for the past 3 days now. I think the thing that really got me was that no one at the event assumed we were dating but that we were married. My SO wears a ring on his right index finger but I don’t wear any rings so it got me thinking.
Now the question:
What makes you assume a couple is married if they aren’t wearing wedding rings?
Post # 3
Because homecoming/reunion type vents that’s just what you ask to acquaintances of a certain age? Just general catching up, and see what you’ve been doing since they last saw you.
Post # 4
I don’t know how to explain it, but there is a vibe that some couples give off (especially married couples, thus the assumption on my part) of being totally and completely comfortable and content and happy and in sync with each other. There’s a level of familiarity and intimacy in their most basic interactions, like they know each other better than anyone else in the world and are so much a part of each other / each other’s lives that they seem connected. Married couples get this way more often than dating couples, so for me, when a couple gives me that “feeling” (without mentioning whether they’re dating or married), my brain just goes with married. It’s not a conscious decision to think that way, it just is.
A lot of times, dating couples, no matter how long they’ve been together, have a different feel to them. Like there’s a certain amount of uncertainty about where their future is headed. They don’t want to speak for the other person, they don’t want to come off as too settled or too boring or…whatever. I don’t know! I’m not explaining it right! All I know is that, for me, it’s a feeling, a vibe that the couple gives off, without ever meaning to.
Post # 5
I don’t know… most 20 year olds aren’t married and that was the median age range of the people in attendance. Plus I’d never met these people before we just ended up playing poker and black jack with them.
Post # 6
I think people just ask and are not paying attention to your fingers. That’s all.
I used to work at an ice cream store. Right above my head were all the prices. Right in front of the customers on the clear glass were three empty dishes which represented the sizes. The majority of customers would look up at the price board over my head and say “How much is a medium?” Then they’d look at the three sized cups in front of them and say “what does the medium look like?” Right over the yogurt machine was written the flavors. They’d look at the flavors and–you guessed it–ask, “What are you flavors today?”
The majority of people think other people want to get married and be married, so they ask people if they are married. If they can’t see the words written on a big a$$ yogurt sign, I really doubt they see that you have or ring or you don’t.
Post # 7
I never assume couples are married. Honestly, I just look at their hands for rings. :S
Post # 8
@ellisrobertson: Agree with you 100%! Before FI and I became engaged, people would always assume we were already married and even during our engagement. I do believe it’s the feeling/vibe you get from the couple, how comfortable they are with each other or how well the mesh together. At least that’s what we have been told when we ask why people assume we are married when we are not.
Post # 9
@Torrid: “I never assume couples are married. Honestly, I just look at their hands for rings.”
Exactly. And if I don’t see rings (or tan lines from where rings were removed for sports or something), I assume they aren’t married.
Post # 11
My FI and I got it ALL the time before we were even engaged. I have asked people the same question and the most common response I got was “you two just seem very comfortable around each other.” We are not one to show much affection outside of privacy which a lot of our friends said they appreciate but then get excited when we hug or sneak a kiss which is kind of cute. lol
Post # 12
I ALWAYS look for ringsas I never assume ! But there’s been many times when I’ve been addressed as Mrs M and I have to say, I love it.. but we are engaged so many they just see a ring out of the corner of their eye and presume.
If I were in your situation, I’d just brush it off with a joke like, ”he’d be lucky”, or if you want to send some hints, say ”he’s just waiting for the right moment” hehe
Post # 13
@honeybee1999: Haha, so true.
I think most people don’t even think to check for rings before they ask. Being waiting bees most of us have rings on the mind more that others, and would be more inclined look at someones hand. I notice myself checking out people’s rings more now. Like there are family members that have been wearing the same ring everytime I’ve seen them for my entire life, and I’ve never even noticed or given a second glance at their rings before now.
Post # 14
How are they supposed to know? They’re just making conversation.
Post # 15
*shrug* not everyone wears wedding rings, they are probably sensing that you two are madly in love. It totally burns when you’re waiting, but there’s almost never ill intent behind it.
Post # 16
There were quite a few people who thought my husband and I had been married for a few years before we got engaged. It’s the way you talk about each other and how you act together. I always refer to him as “MrJ” not “my boyfriend/fiance/husband.”
And some people are just dense and have to ask. Not everyone wears a ring, either.