(Closed) why can my FI talk to a co-worker (woman) but I can’t talk to a (man)classmate?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

He’s insecure.  He should get over it.  Unless there’s been cheating in the past, he shouldn’t be that upset.  You shouldn’t have to have permission to be friends with other guys.  I think both of you should discuss this.  Either he stop texting girls or he get over you discussing other guys.

Post # 4
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Personally, I would find that extremely disrespectful if FI said stuff like that to me. EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL. I am sorry I don’t have time for those kind of double standards. No you aren’t being disrespectful at all to him, in fact as I said as much above he is being disrespectful to you.

Are you comfortable with him talking and texting all these women? I don’t mind the my FI has female friends but he doesn’t text them a whole bunch. But I know some women on here are really uncomfortable with it. If you aren’t ok with it, have you told him? And if you are, then you need to talk to your FI about how he feels about you having male friends/acquaintance and get his feelings sorted out.

Post # 5
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

your FI has some personal issues that he needs to keep in check. seriosuly, I would never want to spend my life with a jealous freak.

Post # 6
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@M.G: There is no reason why you can’t have friends who are men. And there is no reason why he can’t have friends who are women. His behavior is unacceptable and disrespectful. Its also a warning sign that he has some issues with power and control.

I don’t mean to be out of line, but I always show people this whenever they are having concerns like this in their relationship (I worked with victims and perpetrators of domestic violence for several years, so its sort of ingrained in me, I guess). Go to: http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html and I think you can click through to a “wheel gallery” and download a pdf of the Power and Control Wheel.

 

Post # 7
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@elivt: I just want to say that my friend was referred to the “Power and Control Wheel” after her three year long-term relationship fell apart. She was so shocked that she didn’t see so many of the warning signs. It has really helped her in her new relationship and to emotionally heal from her old one. Thank you so much for posting a link. I didn’t know it was online, she got it in a book during counselling.

Post # 8
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sceeder: It can be a really powerful tool. I spread them around as much as possible, because I have witnessed so many women express complete shock when they see the wheel and can identify so many behaviors (and all along they thought they were alone in what they were experiencing). Spread the word! Smile

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Um, that is not a two-way street. I would not let that fly–it’s not cool. Disrespectful, insecure, and immature. Jealousy is a major problem IMO. 

Post # 10
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My ex was like this. He did not want me to have any guy friends unless they were gay. He even used the “Of course I trust you… it’s them I don’t trust” line, even when the guy was a MUTUAL friend!

Unless you want him controlling whom you can and can’t be friends with for the rest of your life, you need to make him see that he’s being ridiculous, i.e. “Do your female friends want to get into your pants? No? Then why would you think my male friends want to get into mine?”

Post # 12
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@M.G: That is really great to hear. Thanks for coming back and updating us. Hope that you guys can get what you need out of it.

Post # 15
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like he is insecure and being very controlling. Remind him that it doesn’t matter what other people want to do or not do with you, since it is up to YOU to be faithful. Honestly, I wouldn’t been in a relationship where I couldn’t have friends of the opposite sex. I don’t think it’s healthy to limit your social world outside of your bf/fi/husband. My fi and I both have so much unconditional respect for one another that is isn’t an issue at all to see our friends – no matter the gender.

Post # 16
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@M.G: So glad counseling is working out! That’s great to hear! 🙂

The topic ‘why can my FI talk to a co-worker (woman) but I can’t talk to a (man)classmate?’ is closed to new replies.

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