- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
Back story. I was married for a decade to someone who abused me and our children terribly. I tried to leave numerous times and go into hiding and he would find me. Finally I joined the military, got stronger emotionally and used the resources available to me to get to a safe place. Believe me when I say that I did everything I could to escape and I barely got out with my life.
So after my divorce was final my mom said that as penance for “staying” with my ex that I should never involve myself with a man again. I was stunned because I didnt stay willingly. She will never know that one night he sat outside their house threatening to kill her my father and my siblings if I didnt come home.
So fast forward 4 years later and I met an incredible guy. My FI is military and he treats me with dignity and respect, he loves my children like his very own and my kids love him to death. In short I have a wonderful life even if its busy with four kids total, in laws who are snobby, and FI being away alot.
So until FI and I got really serious we didnt talk about finances. FI besides being a high ranking NCO also comes from a very well to do family where he has a family trust. As in he has money that is old and was passed down several generations. Each of his siblings and his parents and cousins all receive money. The capital is never touched only the interest.
I have been adamant with FI that I will pay my own way and we will split the bills right down the middle. He agrees. However I have become more aware of the length of my commute to work and the expense of gas. I drive a Ford F150 and I drive 30 miles to and 30 miles from work a day.
FI thinks I need something that has better gas mileage and I agree. However my credit is still recovering from my divorce. While I was deployed my ex took out loans using my power of attorney. FI is aware of all this and has kindly stated that he will use his perfect credit to get a car financed for me and I can just make the payments. I repeat I will make the payments. So we are car shopping.
I shared the news with my mother and the first words out of her mouth was that it was a mistake because if something happened then he would take the car. FI would never do that. He paid for his ex wifes car even after they were divorced even though he didnt have too because it was in her name. He wanted to make sure she had transportation to and from her job and a way to visit the kids. My mom said I should be satisfied with a car that is a few years older and doesnt have a car payment of more than 150.00. The car we are looking at now has a 300.00 a month payment.
Mom said she doesnt understand why I would take on that expense. So FI said that i could explain the situation to her about the money. So I explained that FI and I have agreed that I will make the payments, he will use his credit to finance it at 0% and if anything happens and I lose my job he will make the payments. However Im secure in my job, FI has his military pay as well as the trust.
When I was married to my ex I never had anything nice because he always blew every penny. Since I divorced I have saved 10,000 dollars to put toward a car. The rest will be financed. My mom went on to say that I guess since your marrying rich you dont have to worry about it. I didnt know FI had money and I still pay half of everything because I want to help and it be equal. Im hurt that my mom feels like Im being snobbish or whatever it is.
Sorry for the long vent. I just needed to get it out because I cant tell FI because it will hurt his feelings that my mom isnt supportive of him wanting to help me.