Why did you choose to upgrade?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Just warning you this might start a big debate.

My personal stance on upgrading is that if the couple is ok with it, it’s none of my business.

The scenario you describe is only one possible scenario, and in that case I agree… demanding something isn’t right.

However, usually people upgrade because they got married at a time where they couldn’t afford their dream wedding set (like broke college students) and they agree at the time that when they’re more established, they will buy something more expensive. I see no issue with that. Just like many people start with smaller homes, cheaper cars, etc.

I’m lucky and got my dream ring right off the bat, so no, we won’t be upgrading. I have no issue with him buying me a gorgeous right hand ring for our 10th anniversary or something, though 😉

Post # 4
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I dont have an upgrade yet but within the next few year i will. Long story short FI got totally hosed on my first ring. (He bought it from the jewlery factory, took it to get appraised and it wound up being chipped and having many more flaws than he was lead to belive) so he sold that ring, and took a pretty large loss on it. So he went to a different jewler and bought me a stand in diamond (invisable set) until we can save up to replace it with a solid stone. I plan on having my current stone turned into a necklace

Post # 5
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Believe it or not, there are many instances where it is the MAN’S idea to upgrade.

Post # 6
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I don’t think I’d replace my ring, but I will almost certainly be getting another huge rock in the future. My guy is fully on board with this. At this point in our lives, I felt more comfortable wearing a ~1 carat stone and wanted something classic and comfortable. In the future, I want a huge oval or cushion, with a pave or halo setting. Why? Because I love having options, and my ring doesn’t represent my relationship. There was 9 years of love and respect before my e-ring came along, and we have no problem planning to get a more extravagant set once we’re older and more established. 

Post # 7
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2002

My husband wanted to upgrade.  I was not apposed to it, obvioulsly, but I wouldn’t have asked if there was any chance it would hurt his feelings.  7 years after our marriage, he said he wanted to get me a bigger diamond and a new setting.  I was like OK!!! 🙂  We started lookking for designs.  We took things from xseveral different rings we liked and custom made the perfect setting.

Post # 8
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Before we had ever been engaged, we had openly discussed that there were a few rings that I really, really love, and that eventually I wanted all of them when they were easily affordable. My husband was and is completely okay with this, because he knows me, appreciates that I have my own passions, and we had agreed on it beforehand.

I currently have two of the engagement rings I’ve always wanted, with plans for at least three more, and some eternity/anniversary bands. Nothing could ever replace my original engagement ring (for me), but getting to choose what I’d like to wear each day makes me happy.

Buying what you could afford to start off with and “upgrading” down the road when as a couple you’ve become more established/successful can feel like a really big accomplishment, like buying your first new car or bigger house for having kids.

In my grandparents case, they’ll have been married for 55 years this anniversary, and on their 25th my grandfather took my grandmother to a jeweler and had her pick out her 25th wedding ring upgrade. As far as I know they were just married with simple gold bands, and this was a huge moment for them to be able to spend that money  because they had worked so hard to get where they were in life, and this was somthing to show for it.

While demanding an upgrade does not sit well with me, I think there are plenty of reasons why a couple might choose to upgrade the engagement ring. 🙂

Post # 9
1470 posts
Bumble bee

Echoing PPs…

If a woman got engaged/married at a time when her FI couldn’t afford to buy her dream ring (law school, med school, underemployed, unemployed, etc etc) it doesn’t devalue the sentiment behind the engagement or marriage but with time, finances and circumstances change so if he could afford the dream ring later, get it?

Another reason might be just because they want to…it’s their prerogative. My ring is amazing, excellent quality and as large as I’d be comfortable wearing right now (and sometimes not) but if other factors in my life change…where we live, my career, etc I’d definitely be open to a bigger, better stone.


Post # 10
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

my ring doesn’t represent my relationship, in all honestly. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my ring, and I can’t imagine EVER “trading it in” or selling it (but my ring is also pretty large, if it were very small or not my taste then I could see melting it down and using the metal to build a different ring with different stones or something since I am sentimental about it).  I also have a 1.25 ct eq solitaire (high quality cz) that I wear when I don’t want to wear my “big” ring (which is hardly ever, right now I’m wearing it because I’m getting a prong fixed on my bigger/regular/”real” e-ring), and I plan to get other “stand in” rings or just other wedding sets so that I have a choice of what I want to wear that day.  It’s just personal preference, the ring shows that I’m married (at the moment engaged), period dot.  If something were to happen to my ring it doesn’t mean my marriage would be doomed, it just means I would get another ring.  I do have a lot of sentimental attachment to my ring/set because it’s what he proposed with, but in the future I hope to build a collection of different styles/bands/stones/etc that I can mix and match and wear based on what I’m doing, how I’m feeling, etc (and again my ring is very large and I was extremely happy with it, my SO and I understand that it’s just a posession, sentimental value is there of course but really if I didn’t like it I would get a different one).  

Post # 11
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@canarydiamond:  +1

@Aquaria:  I’m ok with changing out your ring if both agree. Think most of the time it is to get larger bling. Although my dh actually  had my diamond reset into a different setting.However sometimes people will use the word “upgrade” but it’s not an upgrade at all–it’s just bigger!

@Jeravae: Jeravae, you’re Mike C’s wife owner of Moissanite.com/and Better than diamonds aren’t you? How sweet of him to upgrade your diamond to a larger one. Would love to see your before and after pics of your diamond engagement/wedding rings.  Post them if you can. I’m sure they’re beautiful! Smile


It would be nice to have a thread of before and afters actually….

Post # 12
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

FI told me I could add a halo to my ring if I wanted. We went to the jeweller and I tried on a few and it just didn’t suit me! I wished it did but it didn’t. He then said he could get me a bigger diamond. He knows I have a crazy passion for diamonds and it would mean a lot to me. He also said we can keep my original diamond because he knows how much that means to me too. However, I will never change the setting of my engagement ring because he designed it all himself and I want to keep it original. 

I want to marry him with tring new diamond so this one can have matching sentimental value for me.

Post # 13
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Aquaria:  I’m not sure mine counts, as it’s a replica, however, technically it is an upgrade.

In our case, we’d been talking about marriage for a couple of years, and I’d been looking at rings, but not really researching them; I had a very particular idea of what I wanted in an engagement ring and it was proving impossible to find. Then, around Christmas 2010, I came across the PERFECT ring, from a high street jeweller, and showed OH, not thinking he would remember (I didn’t think we’d get engaged for another 8-20 months). Well, he did remember, and proposed with it just over a month later; and I couldn’t have been happier with the ring.

However, I started doing research, and increasingly felt that white gold was not the best choice of metal for me personally. I had white gold RHRs, and hadn’t considered that the re-plating would be more of an issue with a ring I was wearing daily. And, it began to bug me. We were looking into getting wedding bands, and mine was going to have to be custom-made, so I began researching getting my engagement ring copied in platinum. I felt that the initial outlay of maybe £2500 (our budget) would be worth it, as to get both rings re-plated would have set me back £50 every 8 months, ie, it would quickly add up.

I spoke to OH, and, with his blessing, had my engagement ring copied in platinum. There are some small tweaks to the design (the basket is less rounded which means that I don’t need a really odd-shaped wedding band; and the band is thicker, so will be more durable, and also not hollowed out as with my previous ring). I also upgraded the quality of the stones, going from fair-good cut H-I coloured SI2 stones to excellent-cut D coloured VVS1 stones.

The total carat weight is the same, and, apart from the very noticeable difference (IMPO) in the stones, the rings look exactly the same; which is what I wanted. I didn’t trade in my ring, and will still wear it occasionally once OH gives me the new one.

A lot of jewellers I spoke to didn’t understand why I wasn’t upgrading to a solitaire/halo; and I’m sure a lot of bees would wonder the same. The simple reason is that the style of my ring is absolutely perfect for me; I love it so much. But, I was worried about longeivity, hence the decision to ‘upgrade’.

I don’t think I’ll feel any less sentimental about my new ring; though OH does want to make an occasion of giving it to me as he’s more sentimental/romantic than I am.

Post # 14
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

‘It’s just my personal opinion that it seems inappropriate to intentionally replace something of great sentimental value’

Maybe your ring has great sentimental value, but mine didnt.  My husband and I knew from the get-go we would be upgrading someday.   We picked a ring that was suited to our taste and budget (most importantly budget) at the time.   We upgraded sooner than I thought we would because my husband wanted to.  I wasnt going to say no.  🙂

Post # 15
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My original e ring was a .8 round diamond in a white gold channel setting. I developed a nickel allergy, as well as irritation from the open spaces underneath the band. My husband and I decided to exchange it (which was very emotional for me) to get a plain platinum setting (eliminating the allergy and the channel setting). Since there were no diamonds in the new band, my husband wanted me to have a bigger stone, so we went with a 1 carat better quality stone. Yes, I had an emotional attachment to the original ring, but I wasn’t going to let my finger rot off and I was hardly ever able to wear my ring, which was upsetting. Everyone has their own reasons for “upgrading” and it’s their decision. My love and my relationship far outweighs any material possession.

Post # 16
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I never thought I would ever make any changes to my original e-ring. Unfortunately, my ring BROKE! The entire head came off it was a V prong setting. I had to get a new setting. I went to our family jewelrer and all he had at the time were diamond encrusted settings that were one piece. I didn’t feel okay with my 1.5 ct diamond on too delicate of a setting. So that’s my upgrade story. Didn’t want it, life happens. 

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