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My SO and I are very private people, to the point where I don't even want to tell people once we do get engaged because of all the inevitable questions.
I'm not good in social situations and I don't like being center of attention.
For the same reason as we got moissanite for the ring, we don't want to spend unneccessary money, and I don't want to waste lots of money on a wedding that could be used for our mortgage etc.
For the same reasons as yourself, family drama. I just don't want to stress out on people not liking each other, yeah, they might behave, but the tension would be horrible. I'd rather have it be a happy day :)
Deciding to elope was a difficult choice, not because we wanted a big wedding, but because everyone else wanted us to have a big wedding. We're very private and rational people and would rather spend the money and stress on other things.
We're planning a 2 week road trip to Prince Edward Island and then coming home and having a small backyard reception with around 50 people.
If you are thinking about eloping- you should elope. If you want to have a big wedding- then you should. Don't let anyone's idea of what a wedding "should be" get in the way of you making the best choice for yourself.
We decided to elope because when I was trying to figure out seating, I realized we were inviting way too many people who didn't like each other. Both sets of parents are also divorced. I don't regret it for a second.
We decided to elope for various reasons ... money, family dramz, and the OMGICANNOTWAITTOMARRYYOU bit.
Money:
We were planning the big wedding & paying for it ourselves. We were having to make so many cuts and sacrafices. Eventually, it just felt like we were settling.
Also ... we want to buy a house! Why not take that money and put it towards a house !
Family Dramz:
His mom was crazy about controlling the wedding... it was driving me nuts. Also, both sets of our parents are divorced and they don't really get along. All of my family lives in the midwest and his on the west coast. The logisitics were stressful.
So here we are... having an intimate (just us!) ceremony at the courthouse, followed by portraits with an AWESOME photographer. I have a knee length, tailored, strapless dress, birdcage veil, DIY sparkle shoes & a DIY brooch bouquet. FI is wearing black slacks, black vest and skinny tie (no jacket). We're eating dinner at a nice restaurant downtown & checking into our jacuzzi suite room nearby for the night. 36 hours later ... we're off to Mexico for a week long honeymoon!!!
I was planning a wedding for August. I had paid for the church, reception hall and found a photographer and caterer. I had even sent out some of the save the dates. However, I was in complete misery planning the wedding.
I had wanted a small intimate wedding to begin with (under 100 people). Then one day our guest list was 250. My dreams of that small wedding went out the window. I kept being told you have to invite x person, they probably won't show up but would be offended if you didn't. That made me feel very uneasy. Most of these people I didn't even know or hadn't seen in years. In my mind, your wedding should only be your nearest and dearest.
I'm also not the type of person to care about things and I don't like being the center of attention. At holidays I tell people not get me gifts. I didn't even want a bridal shower, bachelorette party, to do the garter toss or the bouquet toss. I hated agonizing over colors, linens, ceterpieces, flowers etc. Nothing felt right!
Financially, my family was contributing very little but had grand expectations and lots of opinions. The wedding was very quickly becoming not about us uniting in love but about pleasing all these entities.
I also had drama. My mom declared she would be buying herself a Mercedes but never said she would help with the wedding. She kept saying she was vicariously planning her wedding through me (she doesn't even have a bf and if she did this would be the 3rd wedding). She constantly made inappropriate comments that really hurt me in the process. She also made a big deal about my dad walking me down the aisle. She thought she should. When I tried to compromise by having them both do it she flat out refused. My dad wouldn't respond to any of my e-mails, calls or texts (ouch). To top it all off, I found out one of my BM's was talking total trash about me and I had to confront her about it. We're no longer friends.
Then in December, while on Pinterest, I saw a pin for a Paris elopement. I was in tears looking at the photos because I knew in my heart that was my dream wedding. I texted my FI and asked what he thought. He thought it was a great idea! I began cancelling everything (luckily i had booked places where I could get my $ back-which is rare) and talking to my famliy. They were fine with the idea as was his family. In the past month I changed our wedding website and let our traveling guests know of our plan change. I haven't received any criticism but I usually preface it by "I was very unhappy planning this big wedding." In the end, the only thing that was important to me was marrying my FI. No flowers, venues or centerpieces are going to make your day any more special than the love between you and your future husband. I would rather cherish that than all that other stuff. I am so happy with our decision and feel 1,000 times better.
It was more financially copstatic. We anted to be married sonner than later. Me and FH are simple people and don't want a big wedding. We won't have time off for a honeymoon and time soon so decided to get a 2 for 1. Lastly his mother was trying to run things.
I didn't exactly elope (our parents were there, along with my sister and my husband's aunt), but it certainly wasn't a full-on wedding so maybe kinda counts?
My mother's husband was specifically excluded, I'm sure you could do the same for your dad's GF. Also, my sister wanted to bring her BF, but we said no thank you. It helped that we had a destination wedding, so we had an easy out for anyone else who wanted to come (although we hardly told anyone until we returned home).
We did without a "real" wedding because we didn't want one. I always dreamed of having a wedding with no guests. I thought the ceremony should be exclusively about the couple, and their commitment to each other, and nothing else. I love weddings, and all things wedding-related, but when it came to my own relationship with my man, I didn't want all the typical wedding stuff. And he didn't care! I got my dress, had my hair/make-up done, and that was all I wanted. Plus a gorgeous location that was meaningful to us both, and the fanciest hotel I could find for our wedding night.
But my husband wanted his parents to have the option to come (he's an only child), and once they signed up my parents asked if they could also attend. I wasn't happy about having guests at first, but in the end I was *so* glad my immediate family was present. Also we had such an amazing trip together, everyone stayed over 2-3 nights, we had a wedding day brunch and the next night we all went to dinner and a show (that was sorta the reception).
So, I pretty much had my dream wedding as a near-elopement and I can't recommend it enough! There was ZERO drama, I didn't stress/obsess for months before, plus I didn't have to worry about anything going wrong on the day so I *truly* enjoyed every moment. It was honestly one of the best days of my life, and I'm not sure how many "real" brides can say the same? (none of my close friends who had big weddings felt the same.) Also we had a luxury roadtrip holiday, stayed in gorgeous hotels, room service every day, and still spent only a tiny fraction of what the average small wedding costs -- and we got a full two week celebration, not just one day!
However, if you want a real wedding then by all means do not let your family drama spoil it for you! Your wedding should be about what YOU and your man want. If eloping appeals to you, go for it. But if you want the full wedding, do that and tell you dad the GF is staying home!
We ended up choosing not to elope, but we seriously considered it. We are both introverted, don't like being the center of attention, and would have preferred to just sign the paperwork in our state and then spend all the money flying somewhere for two weeks and having a private ceremony for the two of us on a beach. We ended up with a small wedding (two dozen people) in our home state, and in some ways I am happy I will get to see people. Part of me still wishes we could have just gone off together without the stress and planning.
Hi all, this is my first post on the elopement board!
So FI and I currently have a wedding ALREADY planned for July 2012 in the Tetons. No invitations have been sent out yet (that would have been April) but STDs have.
We thought of eloping from the beginning with our families on different sides of the US. We decided to have the wedding closer to us, but had tons guilt about the $$$ people would have to spend to come here. We thought it would be good to have our families meet as well, have our friends witness us getting married. Plus I was married once before without any wedding stuff at all, so I kind of thought this was my chance to have the wedding event (just because I could).
Well my father has a few months to live and my wedding is in 5 months. The timing of it all could be just horrible. It is likely that it could be very close to the wedding, and the pure likelihood of it is reason enough for us to cancel. We almost decided to cancel and elope for drama reasons right after the STDs were sent, but decided to forge on. It's almost an out for us now - I have to tell my dad something else, because he did not want us to change plans on account of him. We've notified everyone, and hope to come up with an answer soon.
All signs point to cancel and elope after all the dust has settled. My dad does not have a dying wish of seeing his daughter get married, if he did then I would reconsider, but honestly it's not something he is worrying about at the moment.
My family would be relieved. My mom is not a traveller, my dad is ill, my two sisters just had new babies - no one wants to travel and it's really not that important to them. His parents might be upset, but his sister urged us to make sure we are doing what WE want to do, not what we think his parents would want. Good advice.
@MrsElopement: Your story sounds sooo much like mine. Fortunately for me, I guess, we hadn't gotten much into the wedding planning before deciding to elope. Money is tight for us but there is also definitely family drama - my parents aren't happy with my decision in a life partner (class, education, etc.) and I haven't spoken to his mother in over a year (at one time, I'd say we were close). I just couldn't imagine either side being there (and they would still come). We would hate them being fake or causing our wonderful wedding day to be tension-filled.
I have never been one to think about a big dress or even my wedding day in really any capacity, but I had sometimes fancied myself an elopement kind of girl (adventurous, spontaneous) so last summer I tested the water and asked my mom how she would feel if I eloped. She said she would be disappointed and left it at that.
However, after my parents' less than stellar reaction to our engagement over a month ago, and my mother's grief-like process of dealing with it (when we talk on the phone there is no mention of wedding/marriage, etc. so she's stuck in the denial stage right now), I have to stubbornly admit that I don't much care that she or anyone else would be disappointed. Fiance and I need to be happy and I truly believe with our situation that's all that matters.
Believe it or not, you have been part of my inspiration to go through with plans to elope! When I was still on the fence between eloping and a small cruise wedding, I read these threads and saw how HAPPY you were with your decision and thought, I just couldn't wait to feel that happiness and . . .peace.
We're eloping to Charleston in November! I wanted New Orleans or Napa Valley, but Fiance preferred Charleston and I've heard great things too so here we go!
@KJFox: I think we all have hopes our family will be so happy about our partners and want to be involved with the wedding. Unfortunately, we all don't have the perfect situations (or families). I'm glad my story was able to help you make the decision because it is a tough one to make. You feel that need to please your family but at the same time the pain they cause makes you feel like "screw it!"
The reasons I am eloping:'
1. I hate attention. I would have to suffer through my own wedding day. I have a huge extended family and I'd feel like I needed to invite them all.
2. I want to focus on us and that seems nearly impossible for me with a circus around you!
3. Time- planning takes time, especially when you have a huge family that always has someone getting married. I want my wedding on my schedule, not other people's
4. The cost
5. My parents divorce- we made the decision to elope before they decided to get divorced. However, the divorce should be final this summer and it would just be weird having everyone together either right before or after that, especially since my mother hasn't even told her siblings that it's happening!
We are 'eloping' to Santorini where we will be having a private ceremony with just the 2 of us and then having a 'reception' when we return. We decided to get married in private because we didn't want to be centre of attention and also because we already wanted to travel. We discussed our decision with the family (my mum) and decided to have a dinner when we return to celebrate our nuptials.
We have some family dramas as well but have decided to invite everyone to the reception, knowing that we will always have our wedding day to ourselves which will be perfect. The seating arrangements are extremely difficult (can't please everyone!) but everyone will have a great night anyway because there will be free food, dancing and alcohol. It is important to be up-front and honest to your mum. If your family don't agree with your choices, let it be their problem.
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Four years ago, my parents went through a pretty messy split after being together for over 30 years. They haven't spoken since the day my dad walked out. My dad now has a new live-in girlfriend (who I'm e never met and have no desire to meet) while mom is still hoping dad will soon 'come to his senses' and come back to her. I haven't told my mom that there is a serious girlfriend in the picture.
Anyway, all that to say that I can totally see my wedding being a complete disaster because of family dynamics. I know my parents both love me and would never intentionally do anything to ruin the day, but it's just going to be hanging over my head.
I'm seriously considering just eloping and avoiding the whole thing. We only got engaged last weekend while we were on vacation and when I called my mom yesterday just to check in on things back home, she jokingly asked whether we were married yet. I asked what she would think if we actually did just elope and she said that as my mother she would really miss seeing me get married, but if she were in my shoes, she would be seriously considering it too.
I dunno...I'm afraid I'll regret not having the wedding of my dreams just to avoid family issues that will still be there whether we decide to elope or not.