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I have always wanted to start my own family.. though my parents love me, I have always felt like the extra person, since each of my parents had kids with their spouses after me, and I shuffled house to house. I get the biggest thrills out of the dumbest things, like decorating with my husband for christmas - I was left out a bunch when I was a kid, and I really treasure these things in our own little family. I'm not sure they know that, but there you go!
@ Dragonsus - You sound exactly like me.
For me, it was the extra security factor as well. My now-hubby has never given me a reason to think he would ever leave me either, married or not, but as a person I needed that extra reinforcement (i.e. legality) to feel completely solid & secure. I do know that life happens, people change & commitments can be broken unfortunately, but now at least if something happens 10 years down the road, he can't get away scott-free!
LOL.
Horrible huh? :P
I like to think it's the sensible, slightly sadistic side of being a hopeless romantic!
That post brought up that question for me as well. It took me awhile to really justify it to myself. I'm not changing my name. I really don't want children (and am hard at work at good comebacks for people who start asking me when I'm going to have them). Our relationship is in a lot of ways non-traditional. I'm in a more lucrative industry than him so there's no financial risk there. We're both vehemently non-religious.
What it comes down to, though, is that in the event something happens to one of us, I want the ability to be there with each other as family. On a secondary level, we both adore our own and each others' families, so being able to bring them together is a nice benefit as well.
I got married because I found the love of my life and soulmate. One whom I wouldnt live without. He is my angel. <3
while I understand how it works for others, living together with someone long-term w/o marriage isn't part of my belief system...we had a Christian wedding, and it was very special to me...plus, we want to have kiddos soon, and we are both in our 30s now, so it wasn't for $ or anything, but it still feels nice to have the 2 incomes!
so what is a better reason to get married - Religion or practicality?
It's so interesting to read these posts. I really love this thread. I'm actually getting married in June, but I think I can empathize with everyone here.
Personally, I have knew my guy was the right one for me immediately. It almost made we want to dump him, because I was only 22 when we first started dating. But now, 5-6 years later I feel ready and excited to build a life with him. I want to start a family and have a life partner, and I know there is no one that could be him.
Finances have never been an issue for me, I am not wealthy by any means, but I am pretty self-comtained in that regard.
you know, i never thought i would get married. the entire institution struck me as antiquated and misogynous. The whole ‘giving away the bride’ and getting mail that says mr and mrs hisfullname – I hate that by the way. I loved being single. The dating, the flirtation, the newness. I never saw myself as a wife or mother – I always figured id be too busy changing the world to do some mans laundry. And then I met him. Man! I went from not even liking it when a dude spent the night to never wanting to sleep without this man by my side. i met someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with – shout out loud that he belonged to me and I belonged to him. And to me, that is what marriage is. A public proclamation in front of your friend/family, god, and government that you pledge your life and fidelity to an individual.
I'm not entirely sure tbh. Best I could say is because I wanted to. It just felt like the right thing to do.
Now, don't get me wrong. I totally, completely, absolutely LOVE my husband and I am sooo happy to be his wife, (as he farts on a pillow and hits me with it... sigh). but moving in together was a bigger deal than getting married. Neither of us are religious, so I guess it was more of the practical reasons as we felt bound together already, but now we legally are as well.
...because we found each other and knew that was our destiny!
heh - as cheesy as that sounds, it is true. DH asked me about 2 months into dating what the probability was that we might end up getting married (IMHO) and I said 98.6 percent. Six months later, much to my surprise, he popped the question.
Honestly, I have dated before, but it just was different with DH - we truly balance each other out and function as a team.
Because it seriously made me hurt to think about not having him in my life forever. Simple as that.
I finally found someone with whom I had no doubts! And while our relationship was committed before (we lived together for a year before we decided to get married), I knew I wanted to get married before having kids. I am not super traditional, but I wanted the commitment and the security before we started a family. Now that we are married, I have to say it has been wonderful bringing our two families together. His family is such a joy, but unfortnately very far away.
We wanted to get married because it felt right. We both wanted to delcare our vows to each other and make a legal committment in front of our friends and family. We wanted the unity that comes with marriage. We've been together five years, and while I can't say it's much different than just living together, there is a sense of calm that has come with marriage. And calling him my husband will always make me feel good :)
We also wanted spousal rights, of course!
I've heard so many people say that when you meet the right person, it just feels different; it did for me the first time I ever kissed DH. Through ups and downs of all varieties, our love grew and deepened. He is my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him.
On the day to day basis I will admit that it isn't all sunshine, kittens and lollipops, but at the end of the day there is no one I would rather come home to or to share my life with!
For all the romantic reasons and for the practical reasons too. My husband is the one person that I truly enjoy being around all the time. I love my family but it's different with my husband. I've never really felt like I belonged. I love my family and they love me but there was always something missing. I've just always felt like the oddball in the bunch, whether it was with my family, friends, etc. I also used to always have this restless feeling. I was always lonely, even though I knew I had the complete love and support of my family. I never felt quite relaxed or content. But that all changed when I met my husband. We fit together. He's my partner in crime. My best friends. I don't feel restless or lonley anymore. I have less anxiety issues now. I am completely comfortable and myself with my husband. Plus the practical-insurance, benefits, etc. Pretty early on in our relationship, I knew he was my life partner. Marriage or no marriage, he was it. So we made it legal and official.
I just can't picture my life without him. I could live without him and get along just fine. I just don't want to live without him.
Because I didn't get to choose the family I was born into, but I could choose the one I create. And no matter what, I wanted him to be a part of the family I created.
We already felt married, so it was really just a formality. We're official now and can enjoy all the benefits of marriage and have a baby and stuff.
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In response to Miss Pug's wonderful and thoughtful post, I thought I'd ask the newlyweds - Why did you get married?
I wanted to get married to end the nagging feeling that my now husband might leave me and there would be no way to protect myself financially and legally from any damage that might do. (I blame way too many romance novels for this, because my husband certainly never gave me any reason to worry about this.) Also in that vein, we got married to provide us both with health insurance and life insurance so that we are covered if something happens. Not the most romantic of reasons, but just being in love and committed to eachother emotionally wasn't what made me want to get married. It feels like several weights have been lifted off my shoulders since I said "I do" and my husband, family and friends have all commented about how much calmer I've become. So that, in a nutshell, is why I got married.