Post # 1
This question came to my mind because of a group I had with my kids at work (teenagers14-18). Why did you get married? While they are young and have way irrational and underdeveloped views on many aspects of life, a lot of them have never seen a marriage let alone a successful one. Our group discussion with them was, “is unconditional love real (towards a SO)” and, “do you ever see yourself getting married? Why or why not?” Many of them replied that “marriage is just a piece of paper that says you love someone. I don’t need a piece of paper to show I love someone.” Some of the other responses were way too hilarious. But it prompted me to ask on the bee to see why everyone chose to get married. 🤔
To add for fun, what is your favorite thing about marriage?
I’m newlywed 1 month.
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
My unconditional love is reserved for my daughter there is an excellent book on the subject, can’t recall the name but one of the Columbine shooters mother wrote it. I love my husband but I wouldn’t stand by him if he beat me, if he cheated on me, if he belittled me.
I married him because I love him. He is the most interesting person I know.
Post # 3
We got married because we love each other and were committed to spending the rest of our lives together. My favorite thing is having a partner who knows me so well and is someone I can have fun with too.
Post # 4
cameobride : that’s a great point! Thanks for sharing. Would also love to know the title of the book if you can find it?
Post # 5
I married my husband because I have always wanted a companion in life and I thought he would be a good companion- he is the most dedicated, diligent, hard working and carinn person I have ever met.
It wasnt because I loved him so much I had to marry him, it was because I want a lifetime companion and also a stable family so I thought marriage is a common and ordinary stable path to take and he was just the right person to spend the rest of my life with and I could see myself happy and secure with him. It may sound a little selfish but that really was how it worked for me.
I dont love him unconditionally. If he cheats or does anything detrimental violating my non negotiables such as addiction, not working hard (not just career but for the relationship and the family) when he could etc.. my love for him will not be the same….
Post # 6
cameobride makes an excellent point. I don’t believe in unconditional love for a spouse. My feelings toward DH would certainly change if he abused me or hurt our children or gambled our life savings away or any number of other things. There is no such thing as uncondtional love for a spouse, IMO.
And while I certainly love my DH, there are much greater reasons for getting married. Marriage provides for over 1000 legal rights (and many responsibilities) that it would cost a tremendous amount to have a lawyer draw up instead. I knew I wanted children, and there was no way I was going to have them outside of marriage because of many of the legal implications. Marriage provides for inheritance rights, medical decision making, the right to plan a funeral and carry out your spouse’s wishes, receiving social security or other spousal benefits, insurance, family leave, and many, many more. It most decidedly is NOT “just a piece of paper.”
Post # 7
echomomm : I totally agree with this and so does DH. Cheating, abuse, etc are grounds for divorce and would definitely not see him the same and vice versa.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
Ben Stroup’s Book “Unconditional love” and Sue Klebold “A Mother’s Reckoning”
Post # 9
I didn’t think of it much before but after reading the previous posts, I have to say that it’s true about not having unconditional love for a spouse.
I married because it was the natural progression of things, and it was hammered in my head that you went to college, you graduated, you found a job, and you got married. And being a super serious and stiff person, that was what I did. I didn’t marry for romance or because I loved him deeply. I don’t think he is the best person out there for me. I know I “settled”, but I didn’t want to wait. I wanted the cookie cutter lifestyle. Our next progression is getting a house. Then a child. My life is built in checkpoints, and I’ll continue checking things off my list until I die.
Post # 10
ellsiepig : That seems kind of sad. Why not toss the list and figure out what you want to do, not just what you think you’re supposed to do?
Post # 11
For the big princess party and all the awesome presents!
Wait no. Because he was my closest friend long before we dated and I knew he would always be in my life I just expected to be invited to the wedding and hopefully get along with whoever was going to be his awesome wife. Know whats better than that? Having that best friend as a husband where we share the victories and setbacks of life together. We are stronger together as a team.
Post # 12
catapple : I was thinking the same thing. I couldn’t personally live the rest of my life knowing for certain that I settled. Not judging you ellsiepig, I just have always actually been the exact opposite and wondered how and why people live connect-the-dots lives instead of doing what they want, what truly makes them happy. One of my friends is heading down this road slowly and she really isn’t happy with her life but she feels rushed because so many of her friends are getting married and having kids. We’re the same age and I tell her she has time but she feels she needs to hurry up and settle to be where we’re at.
Post # 13
ellsiepig : What a sad, pathetic way to live.
Post # 14
Aside from all the legal stuff that comes along with marriage, I will be marrying my fiance because I know my life will be infinitely better with him in it. Being with him makes me want to be a better version of myself. He’s a great person, loving companion and we are best friends. Difference between being content and being happy/excited for my life and what lies ahead I guess?
I never thought about unconditional love for a spouse but I do agree with PPs that it doesn’t apply to spouses! If he did anything to hurt me or our future kids, cheated, etc. he’s gone.
Post # 15
DoubleD : There are a few reasons why I chose to get married, but mainly because DH and I share the same values and goals in life, and also same vision for our future. Maybe its just me, but I don’t see love as a feeling – feelings can come and go very easily. I see it as a decision/commitment.