Post # 1
I’m having a really hard time deciding whether or not I want to change my last name.
For 18 years I grew up as the last person in my family who would carry my last name on, so I was determined to keep it. Well, my dad recently had twin boys who are now 5 and will ultimately pass the name on, so I really dont “need” to keep it going.
Regardless, I have a strong attachment to my last name, I love my family, and its important to me. Initially, my FI was not happy with my choice, but after discussing my reasoning behind it, he is open to it.. he will even let me hyphenate our children’s last name so it can be both of ours, which is amazing.
The problem is, I dont mind taking his last name… but I cant imagine losing mine. Dropping my middle names is not an option and hyphenating is not an option, I already have two middle names, so that would look ridiculous, and my mother, who passed away when I was little, named me, so I refuse to drop any of my names.
I don’t know what to do, so I was hoping you ladies could tell me why you did or didnt take your FI’s name? Maybe you can help me figure out what’s going on in my head!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Excited To Bee: I did NOT change my name because I also struggled with it, getting married wasn’t going to change who I am and like you say, it’s the name you’ve grown up with and that’s who you have always been! I don’t think men would take to it as easily as they expect women to! Ultimately, I did NOT take my husband’s name because I would have had to drop one of my family names, which I knew would offen someone AND because we are not having kids, so I will not be Mrs. A picking up Joey B from school and getting suspicious looks about people thinking you’re stealing your own child….
Of course, you still get questions when you don’t change your name.
Post # 4
I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family with the same last name. (Not saying you are any less of a family, so please don’t misunderstand that statement). It is important to me to have the same last name as my husband and future children. My father passed a few years ago and I am his only child, so our line of my last name ends with me. To hold onto that I am Kassie Maiden NewLastName, and that works for me. My middle name sounded silly with my new last name anyway 🙂 I’ve always known I’d take on my husbands last name.
I doubt this really helps you any, so I apologize for that, but there’s my reason for taking my husband’s last name. 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
I am changing my name because I want us to feel like a family unit. All the women in my family have always taken the man’s name. Selfishly, I love his last name, especially the way it sounds with my first.. and I’m not very fond of my own last name (just the way it sounds, not like I hate my family or anything).
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands
I’ve always been planning on changing my last name. I have no attachment to it. Plus, I like FH’s better than mine. We also plan on having kids, and I really want all of us to have one last name.
Post # 7
@Excited To Bee: Been married for over 6 months and havn’t made a move to change the name. It’s been the source of some disagreements but I have an attachment to my name…and my maiden name is awesome….
Post # 8
I’m not changing my last name.
I am Korean and in my culture, women do not change their last names when married.
For me personally, I feel like my last name is part of my identity. my father gave it to me. He and I are related by flesh and blood. I’ve had it for 30 years.
FI wasn’t happy when I told him that there was no way in hell I was going to change my last name. But I explained to him how important it was for me to keep my last name, how its part of my culture, my identity etc. I also did tell him that although on legal papers I would be Ms. “my last name”, I would still be referred to as Mrs. “his last name”. That made him feel better. plus, we have a daughter and she has his last name 🙂
I think changing/not changing your last name is a personal choice and its totally up to you. it doesn’t make you less of a wife because you didn’t change your last name, and it also doesn’t make you less of a daughter if you do change your last name. Do what makes you feel most comfortable. There is no right or wrong choice 🙂
Post # 9
@Excited To Bee: I changed my last name to his last name because it’s my way of showing submission to my husband. We have come together, but he is the head of our house. Therefore, our family will have his name. I had a good run with my maiden name. I brought some fame to the name, and rode it until the wheels fell off. I’m proud to have his name.
Post # 10
I’m not changing it because I don’t want to. It’s my name. I don’t think having the same last name makes you more or less of a family. I am not more of a family with my parents because we all have the same name and will not be less of a family with FI and any future children because we won’t share the same last name. It’s not about identifying as a family, it’s about identifying as myself and to me, that is my current name.
Post # 11
I did not change my name because my last name is awesome! People often call me by my last name (or an abbreviation of it) and it indicates my heritage. I also get frustrated that people mispronouce my DH’s last name all the time (even though it’s very simple) so I wasn’t really keen on taking it for that reason as well.
I also don’t care about having a different last name from my kids (if we have any, they will have DH’s name)… my mom has had a different last name than me for most of my life and it was never an issue.
Post # 12
It’s a cultural thing for me, I’m definitely changing my name. I want us to be a family, I want to share everything with my husband and children, including family name. You may have had your last name for however many years, but you’ll have your husband’s for much longer (God willing).
Post # 13
I did not, because from where I came from, the ladies there very rarely change their last name after getting married (the beureaucracy is a BIG hassle there, so people don’t want to deal with it as much as they can, thus not changing last name became a norm)
My husband and his family is ok with that.
Post # 14
I love my maiden name, but for me it has never been a question of whether or not I will change my last name. I want to be Mr. & Mrs. NewLastName. I love the idea of having the same name as my husband and our future children, all the women in my family have done it and I’m excited to do it also. I don’t think either way is wrong, its absolutely about personal preference. My sister-in-law didnt change her name when she married my brother and I didnt really understand why you wouldnt unless you have a huge attachment to your family but hey, to each their own! I just want to be a unit and thats one obvious way to do that.
Post # 15
I have an incredibly long hyphenated last name and I would not wish it on ANY child. PLEASE don’t do it to your kids. It is such a headache and nobody actually wants a hyphenated name in adulthood …. promise. Maybe it will be more common in the future but I freaking HATE having a hyphenated name. HATE. HAAAATE.
A) It looks like the child is a product of divorce (which I was) so assumptions will be made.
B) People think you are high maintenance. I don’t know how to explain this part to you. It’s like I annoy people with my two last names, as if I could help it. It’s like they think I should have just picked one and I kept both to be a pain or something.
C) When it’s a boy who has a hyphenated last name, in adulthood, he runs the risk of people thinking he also took and hyphenated his wife’s last name. Maybe this won’t be a big deal when your kids are adults in the future, but in my community, it’d be pretty unorthodox and he’d get a lot of flak for it.
D) If your child is a girl, she will get questioned about which is her maiden name, or why she didn’t just take his last name, and she’ll have to explain it’s her given name.
I really, really, really despise my lengthy hyphenated last name and I can’t freakin’ wait to get rid of it and take a nice, pronounceable American last name.
Post # 16
I have never wanted to give up my family name and that did not change when I got married. I did NOT chnage my name and he does not mind. Also, made things super easy, I did not have to change all my documentation, passports, SS card, drivers license, nothing and I have heard it is a giant pain in the butt to do so. I simply avoided a giant pain and stuck with the last name that is mine.