A confession.... :(
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Why did you want to have a baby?

posted 3 months ago in Pregnancy
  • 1 Members Subscribed To Topic
  • poll: Why did you have a baby?
    I wanted to start a family? : (107 votes)
    78 %
    It's what I envisioned my future to be? : (21 votes)
    15 %
    I thought it would bring my husband/fiance and I closer together? : (0 votes)
    Other? : (9 votes)
    7 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    knight.keira    July 21, 2011   Australia

    After going though a mc, then an operation, I have decided to postpone ttc. It's been a long and exhausting emotional time. I know some bees have been through more and for a longer duration, but for me all this has been too much.

     

    It has made me wonder why I wanted to have a baby in the first place.

    Why did you want to have a baby? Did it end up working out?

     
    2.
    Member
    643 posts
    Busy bee
    lisha_1988    November 3, 2012   Perth, Australia

    We want to because we have always wanted & love kids.

    Although we have about a year before we TTC

     
    3.
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    knight.keira    July 21, 2011   Australia

    @lisha_1988:  I love kids too, I am a teacher. I can only imagine having my own child to be very stressful and draining.

     
    4.
    Member
    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    mrsjets    May 11, 2011   Canada

    I grew up in a great family environment, I was/am close to my sister(s) and a couple of my cousins. It's always been my intention to start a family of my own and DH and I agreed it was time. I love children but am not deluded in thinking they're always sweet and polite, but I know the connection I have with my mother and I'm excited to experience it from the other perspective. I have an aunt/uncle without children and DH and I don't want that life. 

    I didn't answer your poll because I truly believe it's all 3 - but without the ? at the end. 

    I'm very sorry you've been through so much. Take the time to grieve and recover.

     
    5.
    Member
    2,146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MapleBecky    July 9, 2011   Canada

    I had a son and my DH didn't have any kids.

    I am a teacher and couldn't imagine not having my own kids.   I am so glad I had DS.

    It didn't work out, we found out he is sterile.   We are looking at his genetics/hormones to see if he has sperm in there somewhere, but we may have to give up and move on.

     
    6.
    Member
    2,513 posts
    Sugar bee
    dodgercpkl    October 15, 2010   California

    We want to start a family.  I know that I personally have always envisioned being a mom someday, and I know that my husband is going to be an AMAZING dad!  :)  

    We've been through a mc recently as well and my heart goes out to you.  It's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life and I will always miss my little one that I never got to hold.  We are continuing to try though and I firmly believe that I will  hold a little one in my arms one of these days.  :)

     
    7.
    Member
    2,169 posts
    Buzzing bee
    regberadaisy    August 14, 2010  

    I have ALWAYS wanted kids of my own. In a very mature, realistic, adult way. Never just in a omg kids are soooo cute...I want one of my own!!! For us it's not about it's the next logical step in life. OK, we dated, we're engaged, we're married, we have a house, I guess kids are next! It was always in our future.

    So for me and us we would exhaust every option possible to conceive kids of our own. In the financial sense as well.

    It took us 9 cycles to conceive. Longer than some and shorter than some. At the point when we got our BFP I had already mentally prepared myself that we would have needed intervention to conceive.

    @MapleBecky:  

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes. Sending many good thoughts your way that it is possible for you & your husband to have a child of your own. *hugs*

     
    8.
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    knight.keira    July 21, 2011   Australia

    I feel like time is running out, and I feel pressured. Not by DH but by time. I'll be turning 32 this year.. I want 3 more years to myself. I also don't want DH and I to drift apart. He always wanted a baby. I just don't want a baby for awhile. The thing is that before I got with my DH I never wanted a baby. Always imagined adopting a child because there are so many children out there that need love. Maybe I said it enough times that my fate is leaning towards that and not of having a child of my own.

     
    9.
    Member
    1,119 posts
    Bumble bee
    PennyLainne    January 12, 2013   Alberta

    I have 5 sisters and I couldn't imagen a life with out my own children. It isn't always fun but it definitely is worth it. I cannot wait for our LO to come into this world and create a life of its own. 

     
    10.
    Member
    8,974 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    Mrs.KMM    July 17, 2010   Atlanta, GA (wedding in Indianapolis, IN)

    I've never been able to imagine my life without children.  For as long as I can remember, I've wanted nothing more than to be a mother.

     
    11.
    Member
    8,387 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    PitBulLover    August 21, 2010  

    @Mrs.KMM:  100% same

     
    12.
    Member
    1,771 posts
    Buzzing bee
    septcabride    September 2010  

    If you had asked me a few years ago - before I was married and before I was TTC - I would have simply said what others have expressed... that I just knew I wanted kids.  I had a deep, biological urge to reproduce.  My husband also knew he wanted a family, but simply accepting a biological urge was not enough for him, so we began the throughtful, often difficult, process of defining WHY we wanted to have a baby.

    For us, simply having a biological urge to reproduce or being expected to do so just wasn’t enough. We needed real, tangible reasons that having a child was right for *us* and we needed a lot of space to discuss the ins and outs of our decision – how would we go about trying to conceive? What would we do if we had a hard time getting pregnant/how far were we willing to go? How would we nurture our marriage as we grew as people and worked to expand our family? What type of partners and parents did we want to be?  By asking ourselves these questions and really listening to each other's answers, we were able to articulate the child-bearing need.  We ditched the BCP and went to work.  :o)

    Now, after 8 months of TTC with no luck and an endometriosis diagnosis on the very near horizon, we are no less committed to starting a family, but the desire has hardened in some ways - I am in a constant battle with my body, hoping that I can *will* or wish my way to a baby, and my husband has become increasingly worried about my health.  We are now facing a whole new set of scary questions - not "if" any longer, but "how" and "how far"?

     
    13.
    Member
    1,031 posts
    Bumble bee
    MuchGreater    November 6, 2011  

    I am a teacher and am excited about having my own. You learn alot from teaching.... what to do with your children... what not to try! I don't want a whole army of children, but my husband and I do want children.

     
    14.
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    Member
    631 posts
    Busy bee
    Kkaattii    April 21, 2012  

    As long as I can remember i've wanted children. When I was a child people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I would say "a mommy!" haha! Still to this day thats all I want to be, is a wife and a mother.

    We were friends, we dated, we got engaged, we'll be married this month. Soon after we'll buy our first house and move out of our little apartment, once we do, we'll start TTC.

     
    15.
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    NikkyS    August 4, 2012   Toronto

    Hi there, you're very courageous to have gone through a mc. 

    I personnally am excited at planning a life without having children. I started questionning whether I wanted kids when I was planning my post-secondary studies and realized I did not want to raise children. There's so many other things I want to do in life with my partner! I litterally have no free time because of a demanding carreer so the childless lifestyle suits me perfectly. One generation ago, having children was an expectation of society but in our current time, it is a choice, thankfully!

    Good luck with the choices you have to make! :)

     
    16.
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    5,841 posts
    Bee Keeper
    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    I have wanted to be a mom for awhile now. So after we got the house we decided it wouldn't be a home without a little addition. = )

     
    17.
    Member
    520 posts
    Busy bee
    Pearberry    April 2014  

    I never thought that I would want children.  A few years ago, after FI and I became more serious, I began to think more upon the idea of having kids.  I actually do like being around children and have baby-sat.  More importantly, I think that FI and myself are people with integrity. We are FAR from perfect, but I like the idea that our legacy would be one where we create another person to do good in this world (we are planning on having one.) 

    Technically, we can do that if we adopt or volunteer with kids/ young people too (we volunteer with young people right now.)  Further, however, I like the idea of raising a kid- seeing them grow, develop, discover, and find themselves.  I think it would be a privilege to be a parent and to raise another human.  Between the two of us, I believe FI and myself can raise a good person (NOT a perfect person, but one who tries to make good choices and can influence others positively), while still pursuing our own goals and dreams.  We understand that we will make sacrifices, but ultimately, as we've discussed, they will be "happy" sacrifices-helping our child. 

    Ultimately, it is by the choice of partner that I have decided to have children.  We make a good team to do so.

     
    18.
    Member
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    penguinof3    October 5, 2012   quad cities, Iowa side

    I never had any real career goals growing up, i was never the kid that wanted to be a dr, or a teacher or whatever. I always wanted to be a housewife and a mom. my first child was a SURPRISE which is why we got married, we had two more children(one planned, and another surprise) when my youngest was 3wks old i filed for divorce( totally different post kind of story) but my wonderful FH doesnt have any kids of his own but he loves my three and hes the one they call daddy. were planning on after the wedding having my tubat reversed and having a child together...and i couldnt be happier!

     

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