Post # 1
They basically treat their adult fiances like little children who have no taste in anything and should not be “allowed” anything at all of their own choosing at the wedding because it is polar opposite of what the bride wants? To justify themselves, they say “it’s MY day! Society even says so.”. It’s his day too, contrary to popular belief. Also no bride is marrying herself and if she was, there would be no wedding. So why have a groom at all if they are treated like incompentent children?
Post # 3
I haven’t noticed much of the “not allowing the groom to choose anything,” but it seems like the “It’s MY day” mentality is disturbingly prevalent…
Post # 4
Hmmmm … this never happened with us. I guess that’s because we had a last minute thrown together quickie JoP wedding with a “reception” for our immediate family only at our favourite restaurant!
Post # 5
Yeah I really hate the whole “its MY day” thing. While we were planning, DH kept telling me “its your day, do what you want” and it got on my nerves. I kept telling him its “our” day. But he didn’t really want to be involved with the planning. He helped choose the venue and the tuxes and that is about it.
Post # 6
@Mrs Grape, I’ve noticed a number of posts on the Bee and other places where the bride says she can’t understand why her fiance has a certain idea that he wants and wants to know if she should “allow” him to have that. He’s not a child and marriage is about compromise. Planning the wedding together is a great way to practice in but alot of brides prefer to have their own ideas and screw what anyone else, especially him, thinks.
Post # 7
@sweetkate, that is a whole other issue if he honestly doesn;t care and doesn;t want to be part of the planning. But if he does offer his opinions on something, why is it considered to be such a travesty?
Post # 8
Eh, because tv tells them its ok. If it makes you feel any better, it was “our day” and he picked the venue, the meal, the tuxes, the rings, the DJ, the officiant, and the chairs. I picked the colors, the dresses, the flowers, and the songs as in ceremony and first dance, etc. Together we picked the photographer, the bridal party, the cake, and the date. So maybe my story is purely anecdotal, and an exception, but I think maybe tv makes the “me, me, me” mindset seem more common.
Post # 9
i agree. my husband was pretty much involved in everything–i can’t think of a single vendor meeting he didn’t come to, besides dress-shopping and like, my hair/make-up trial. well, i met with our venue contact alone at first because he couldn’t make it, but he had already seen the place and given it his thumbs-up. it was really important to me to have it be OUR wedding and reflect both of us. i mean, i def took the lead on planning, but he was involved in every step.
Post # 10
i’m all about the “it’s OUR day” idea — fi and i decide what’s best for us. i would never say it’s MY day instead of OURS though.
Post # 11
@kitzy–i totally agree with the “our day” thing. we make almost every single decision together, and FI has picked out a lot of things himself. instead of me picking out what i like, WE pick out what WE like regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Post # 12
I think those types of people are the same ones who are divas about everything else in their lives. Brides are just put into the spotlight more, so we think it’s a “bride” thing, when really it’s just a human thing.
Post # 13
It’s mostly “my day” but he has input if he wants to. He just doesn’t care that much about stuff. The “getting married thing” is our idea but the “wedding thing” is all me.
Post # 14
my fi doesnt really care about the little details like I do. I seem to have to tell my family more that it’s my day because they feel like they can do things their way. But I dont say that to my fi
Post # 15
IMHO, many men are not “into” weddings or wedding planning. Many men also do not know anything about weddings. So if the previous statements are true for your FH, why go through the headache of…
(1) having a tutorial to explain everything involved in a wedding
(2) battling with the fiance about costs when he thinks the average wedding costs $5k
This situation gets worse when your fiance is going along with the old tradition where the bride’s family pays for everything. Sorry boo, I cannot make your wedding dreams come true on a beer budget.
Post # 16
Everyone, FI included, refers to our wedding as “MY day”. He would have been fine going to the courthouse but I could never do that. Infact, last night as we were out to dinner and discussing wedding plans, he chimed in with “you know, we could be married for $50”. With that said, he has been great (and quite opinionated) about our wedding plans. I wasn’t expecting him to be as involved as he is but I think he’s into it.
I’m constantly correcting people when they refer to it as “my day”. Its just as much his wedding as it mine. My mother is probably the worst person when it comes to this. Even after I correct HER she corrects ME by saying that its “all about me”. I get that she’s excited (I’m an only child) but sometimes its a little annoying.