- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Honestly, if I went to a wedding and there was good food, drink and entertainment I would be happy! I have gone to some crazy weddings in the past few years (of friends) where big things were wrong...like the food was awful, at one wedding they ran out of alcohol because they did not buy enough etc...
I think people notice little things that are wrong when big things are wrong and they are not having a good time.
For me, a wedding does not have to be fancy, but there should be good food, alcohol and entertainment. That's where we spent the most money.
I think because certain things, like nice food, music, dancing, alcohol, etc. have become a standard at weddings. So, if that's what you're always treated to, then that's what you're going to expect. That's just how it is.
Just think about how many weddings you've been to, I know at all the ones I've gone to, they've all had the standards of a wedding. Almost like a formula. And, it's been fun and something I've always looked forward to. I think that most of us don't think another way about it, or develop the opinion above, until we're actually planning a wedding.
However, I think that we're seeing a lot more weddings that step out of that box that usual weddings are in, so perhaps guests will eventually understand that they might not always get a 3-course meals, alcohol and so on . . .
i agree, people expect the world when it's just a get together!
I haven't received any pressure to have "more," and I've been to plenty of simple weddings without the whole nine yards. It may have more to do with familial expectations, but no one is giving us any grief.
I think that it's all about the expectation that is initially set. Meaning, if it is a cake, punch and coffee reception, letting people know that it is just that. Having it at a non-meal time so people aren't hungry. A lovely morning wedding with finger sandwiches, cake, coffee and a cool beverage can be a beautiful thing. However, if I drove a distance on a Saturday evening, I would expect a bit of food. It's all in the timing and the expectation set from the tone of the invitations. Let people know how it's going to be.
I go to a wedding expecting nothing in return! I'm just happy that the couple asked me to be a part of their day! It's about the celebration of love. Food, cake and drinks are just nice bonuses.
Well said! I'm committing the "faux pas" of cash bar and no transportation between hotel and reception. And guess what, I don't feel guilty! Mwahahaha.
well...heres an example..
a cousin of mine got married, and the parents are big proponents of "cover your plate!!" with the gift...
we got a $100 gift. apparetly, that only covered one plate and we "offended" the family.. the food was cold. undercooked chicken. nasty cake. no appetizers. no open bar. plus, how on earth was i supposed to know how much they were paying considering i didnt live in that city.
with so many brides (not all, and not me) expecting guests to bring a gift to "cover their plates", i can see why guests expect a decent (warm) meal, drinks, and some good entertainment.
i dont this is always the case, but certainly is the case sometimes..
Maybe I am just the biggest hungry grouch in the world, but I think that receptions without meals are totally okay, but guests must be warned clearly beforehand. I tend to be a pretty laid back person, but if I go hungry and expecting a meal, I will get very grouchy until I am fed.
As for open bars, I don't think they're required, but they're a huge bonus. Most of the weddings I've been to have involved getting together with a lot of old friends and partying like we're still in college. So open bar and transportation are REALLY nice.
As for all the other stuff, I pretty much don't even notice it. I agree that there are rising expectations compared to a couple generations ago. BUT that also means better parties so I'm torn between my distaste for all the conspicuous comsumption and being grateful that my friends and I, who live all over the country, have an opportunity to get together and have a great time whenever one of us gets married.
I'm generally not offended with simple weddings. Open bars, while nice, aren't necessary. They're expected where I am though, and it's generally only $2-3 more per person for the bar (seriously, that inexpensive). It's offensive here because everyone expects an open bar, and when they don't have money, they get grouchy. If word has been spread that it's cash bar, it's not a big deal.
The same goes with food. If I get an invitation that says "Dinner and Dancing to Follow," I expect dinner. Not finger foods. I don't expect a full meal unless it's noted. But if it's been noted, I'm generally hungry by the time I get there, and it's very offputting to expect something and then not receive it. If I get an invitation that says "Dessert Reception" - it's perfectly okay, because I've been forewarned and will have gone to eat something.
Unless they're getting married at the courthouse and I get an invitation to a reception, I expect food, entertainment, and some beverages to be available (whether cash bar or not, but simply b/c nobody I know would exclude liquor). If i receive an invitation that says "appetizer reception," that's what i'd expect, and that's what I'd be cool with.
For me, I wouldn't invite people over to celebrate anything (a birthday party, a promotion, whatevz) without putting out some food and drink.
I agree with a lot of the above posters that letting guests know ahead of time is the most important thing when skipping a meal or alcohol for a reception.
Another scenario (that clearly does not apply to everyone) is when a bride shares lots of budget details...If you tell me that you spent $1000 on your dress, I'm expecting more than carrot sticks in a gymnasium for your reception. I've known a few brides who had modest budgets, but put all the money into items for themselves and then really skimped on the things that matter to guests (food, music, etc.)
Like others have mentioned, it definitely depends on the standard for your circle of friends/family and geographic location - I've never been to a wedding that provided transportation for the guests or even the wedding party, but not having an open bar (or at least partial bar) would be outrageous to my friends/family.
amen sista! we're doing a very small wedding *large number of guests but only with dessert at 2pm* i'll be darn if anyone says so much as one complaint about this bc they don't know our financial issues and why we want to save money.
my FMIL has a great quote about this The Bigger the Wedding the Shorter the Marriage!
@ejs4y8:well at my reception there will be no liqour whatsoever...it's at a church!!! Not having booze isn't rude it's a personal choice...
I'm with most of the PPs...if it's stated up front, I'm not offended & totally looking forward to the event. I will admit, I don't expect to bring money to a wedding. I come with a gift, my ID, & my cell phone (in case I need to call a taxi, whom I pay when I get to my home). That's it. If I need something else as a guest (like cash for the cash bar; dinner plans because no dinner will be served) I'd like to be informed. Other than the need for information, I think whatever the hosts provide is GREAT. I also think it's nice to know if NO alcohol will be served so I can plan ahead (ie. drive myself & not have to arrange for a designated driver).
At our wedding, we provided no dancing or DJ or band...we provided tickets to Disneyland instead; that was made clear on the website & on the invites. Rather than have dancing (of which neither Mr. nor I are fans) we thought our guests (many of whom are parents of small children invited to the wedding) would prefer a day of fun in the sun at Disney...with periodic visits with us. Nobody complained that we didn't give them what was expected...I think it it helped that they were prepared with clothes for the park & didn't hire expensive babysitters in expectation of a long night of dancing.
Well said! I think a lot of people think a bride commits a major faux pas because she decides to digress from what is expected. A lot of people nowadays can't seem to distinguish between celebration and just plain expectation.
Although I had alcohol at my wedding, I would never frown upon a wedding which wouldn't serve them. One of my really good friends will opt not to serve them in her upcoming wedding. There will be no dancing either. But there will be a ten course meal and probably some teary speeches. I'm sure her wedding will be great sans alcohol and dancing (due to religious reasons).
Although I don't discount the fact that some people do really rude things on their wedding and think that they can get away with it just because "it's their day and they can do whatever they want". No my dear, it might be too much to expect me to be all excited for your wedding when you invite me and expect me to pay for my own meal. If you can't afford to THROW/HOST a reception, don't do it.
@ashleykaye15: I hope that doesn't mean I have to look forward to my parents getting a divorce any time soon...they had 1,000 guests at their wedding. Married for 35 years now...maybe they're the exception that proves your FMIL's rule...I hope so.
@ms.pascua: LOL who even knows 1,000 people? That's crazy. I'd shoot myself. My 120ish is already killing me.
I'll admit that I have certain expectations from weddings but that is because that's just what is done in my circle of friends and family. I form expectations based on the people involved. Are they quirky? Are they old-fashioned? Are they traditional? Are they religious? Are their parents loaded or are they paying themselves? My expectations haven't been that far from reality yet so I think it's a good system.
@ms.pascua:well there are exceptions if you love someone what she means by that is if you spend money you don't have then you;'re setting yourself up for a long road down the line...not if they had 1000 and could afford it
my bff had a blow out $10k wedding in october next week the divorce will be final it's all about why you're marrying that person
I agree that if you are invited to a wedding ceremony, all you should expect is to witness a wedding ceremony. If you are also invited a reception, all you should expect is refreshments and celebration. If the reception takes place during a meal time, lunch or dinner, then you can expect enough food to serve as a meal, whether that is BBQ, heavy hor's d'eourves, or a dinner. A reception is for celebrating your marriage with your guests and showing them your appreciation for coming to your wedding. Other than that, what kind of party you decide to have - alcohol or not, full meal or just cake and punch, dancing or not, etc. - is entirely up to the bride and groom. It bothers me when people act as if there are things that are "required" other than celebrating with the newlywed couple!
I just had to respond because a majority of the reason my MIL and I fought before the wedding was this phase she threw around about "What guests expect"!
I HATE that term and can't stand it. Now, my own mother was bad but my MIL made all of my decisions feel like they weren't good enough. Almost every other discussion about the wedding involved that statement. To her it was all about the guests. Now my wedding, I was very considerate of trying to make me and my guests happy... within reason. But her "expectations" were not reasonable with my budget.
It makes me angry thinking about that stupid phrase.
@ashleykaye15: Ah, yes, intention is everything. I agree with THAT, definitely.
@Kittyachi: Who said they KNEW all of them?!? 
Let's just say my grandmother is a VERY well known member of a small-ish community & everyone SHE knew was invited. Just another example of an FMIL going NUTS with invite list. My grams (love her to pieces), was definitely trying to expand our 75 member guest list...she did NOT get her way. 
@ms.pascua:lol i understand that if we invited the ppl from our communities both fathers are pretty well known businessmen and his job working in restaurants meeting everyone well we'd have about 1000 too it's really easy to get a lot on that list that had to be an awesome wedding jealous of you and the Disneyland thing...too cool!
I agree that there's a set up- but I feel at the same time we are kind of bucking it. Yes, we are having dinner and dancing and in that sense are being "traditional" however, my budget is roughly a fifth of what my cousin's wedding was and I think will reflect us very well. The dancing will not be the typical wedding fare and that's what we want. I do not want my prom all over again, I want a wedding!
We (right now) have decided not to "warn" our guests that we will not have alcohol. After discussing it with my parents, we have settled on the logical argument that those attending should know us, and should therefore know we do not drink. A handful will be surprised by the lack, an even smaller number will be bothered. The small number are mostly people I don't care if they attend or not but are inviting because they are family. Sounds mean but I'm picking my emotional well being over their drinking habit.
Sometimes guest expectations are unjustified entitlement, but then there are some things that are fair to expect.
If I'm invited to a 6 PM wedding with reception to follow, I think it's fair to expect that dinner will be served (plated, buffet, heavy apps... I don't care which it is as long as there is substantial food). Serving a meal at an event you scheduled to take place over a standard meal time is basic hospitality. If the only food available was tea sandwiches and cheese straws, and there was no prior warning, I'd probably complain (to weddingbee and my husband) about it.
As for alcohol, I expect it at an evening wedding only because it's SOP where I live; I have never been to an evening wedding with no booze whatsoever. If I went to one, I'd be slightly disappointed, but I wouldn't think the hosts were rude, cheap, or tacky.
The only angle I have to add to all of the above is distance---many of our friends and relatives had to travel a long distance to attend our wedding, and for that reason, we thought we needed to calibrate our effort (what we offered, in terms of food and entertainment) with their effort to get here! Our wedding wasn't fancy, but we did make sure to offer a full meal. That said, we would have been fine to have a dessert reception or something of the sort, but we knew that we should then expect less people to feel it was 'worth it' to travel 10 hours or more for a 10 minute ceremony, and eclairs! Just my opinion, I know some may disagree!
I don't have money for a reception, but I keep hearing from people they want to come and celebrate and don't care what I don't have, and would even bring stuff. I love my friends! So that being said, we are going to Las Vegas to get married. I don't expect anyone to come, so if they feel they don't want to travel just to get a cup cake and do a toast, than they do not have to come. Our 15 minute ceremony is at 6, and than we are having dessert later at 8:30-9 ish back in our 1050 sqft suite. I have told most people about the situation verbally, and will make it clear in the invitations that this is a casual event.
Anyone who can't "hang" or thinks it is tacky, is probably someone we had to invite due to family pressure. They can go "bleep" themselves. We thought about not inviting everyone, but our friends and close family really just want to be with us. I am really happy to be so loved!
I agree! I had a friend who got married this past May, and the wedding was awesome, everything a guest could want! The next week she emailed me and said one of her close friends who did a reading at the wedding, called her a couple days after to basically tell her what was wrong with her wedding!!! like..how rude can you get? She kept her cool, but if it were me I probably would have gone off on the friend...and we probably wouldn't be friends anymore....
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rachgirl82 | 33 |
| kate02121 | 12 |
| ndreighton | 11 |
| louiseW | 10 |
| ozpeony | 8 |
| Indecisivebride2012 | 8 |
| Lyndzo | 7 |
| abbie017 | 6 |
| cbeyelia | 6 |
| rivierabridal | 6 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rachgirl82 | 3 |
 Leonard2B |
2 |
| luli29 | 1 |
| soon2beemrsblount | 1 |
| stardustintheeyes | 1 |
| kate02121 | 1 |
| MrsOliveBird | 1 |
| FutureMrs86 | 1 |
| jessiesdream | 1 |
| abbie017 | 1 |
It used to be that guests accepted a host's gracious hospitality without complaint and didn't say a word at any time if something was not included that they thought should be there as long as the basics were covered of food, beverages, entertainment. If all the host chooses to offer and/or can afford may be dessert and coffee at a non-meal time, then it is rude get up in arms that you are not able to enjoy yourself because they didn't provide a full meal with a full open bar, even if the reception is at a non-meal-time.
People complain all the time about how expensive weddings have become and fail to grasp the concept that they can be inexpensive and simple with just the bare minimum. But due to expectations of guests that people say must be included or else the wedding will be a failure and the couple will be doomed for divorce before the ink on the marriage certificate dries, then it comes as no surprise that the costs skyrocket so much. Keeping up with the Joneses is basically what is going on, and just because everyone else does something does not in any way mean it is a requirement. The minimum requirements for a wedding are for the ceremony only and include a minister, a marriage license, and two witnesses. Everything at the reception is completely optional as long as you have one, and what is included is entirely up to the couple, so long as guests are not inconvenienced in any way. Not serving a full meal or alcohol is not an inconvenience or breach of etiquette as long as there is some type of food and drink available appropriate to the timeframe.
Why is it such a foreign concept to so many folks to walk into a wedding not expecting anything and just being pleasantly surprised at what is there, rather than being judgemental because something isn't included or done exactly the way you would do if you were the bride?