(Closed) Why do I do stuff like this…grrr

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh girl, I understand how you feel.  There were a few guys in my past that I was completely infatuated with and would do anything for them even though they were horrible to me.  I think you really should try to break ties with them and not google them or look them up.  I have moved past these guys and don’t want them back because I know that I don’t deserve to be hurt by anyone anymore.  I just hope that you can realize that yourself and that you deserve so much better than that guy.

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

OK, let me get this straight – you fooled around with a guy 6 years ago who is now married to a friend of yours, you are obsessed with him and Google stalk him, and you would cheat on your FI if at any point this guy threw you a bone? That’s f**ked. I’m sorry, but it is. I would give you advice – stop Googling him, etc. – but the fact that you’ve said that in your heart you know you’d break your marriage vow makes me not even want to bother because you’re clearly not ready for marriage. You’re not even married and you’re already contemplating cheating? Like seriously, wtf is that? Maybe if you think about how your FI would feel if he knew that, it would put you in check? Maybe? I don’t know. All I know is that I had one of “those” guys for a long time who I was willing to cheatwith/did cheat with while I was in various relationships and I really thought he would always be “that guy” for me – until I met my FI. Then all those feelings went straight out the window and I’ve never looked back, even after seeing “the guy” at a wedding (without my FI there) when he was with his new GF. It was all good. We chatted, wished each other well, etc. You’re clearly not there and I really don’t think you should be getting married if you can’t even commit to the idea of being faithful to your husband before you’ve even said your vows.

Post # 5
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You HAVE to stop googling him and cease all ties IMMEDIATELY before you have the chance to potentially ruin your relationship with FI and future husband.  Something I always say to peeps in this kind of situation.  Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot and instead of you google stalking an old flame, your FI were doing it…and contemplating cheating on you if that opportunity presented itself again.  You might think twice.

Post # 6
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Yikes, that’s a tough one.  While FI and I were just dating, I found out my ex was getting married.  I had a little pang of something – – jealousy, sadness, etc.  It went away pretty quickly.  I knew even then that if he tried to come back in my life I would NOT be interested.  I love FI more than anything, and am not even interested in the possibility of anyone else.

I think I would evaluate your relationship.  There is something wrong if you know you would cheat if given the chance.  Maybe you aren’t in the right relationship.

Regardless, you are not a bad person, and at least you are admitting to these feelings.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah….I’m going to agree, no more stalking.  It seems like a heavy drama filled situation that left some scars.  I’m going to guess your infidelity would be more out of spite and to show you’re better than your ex-friend and what not than liking him.  It’s hard but really, stop.  Delete them as a facebook friend and what not but you really need to do something to get over the situation.

Post # 9
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well at least you’re willing to admit it’s not cool.  And I commend you for that.

Post # 10
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Ouch, Kittyachi, that might have come across harsher than you meant…  Honestly, it sounds to me like your residual feelings for this guy are bordering on an obsession/addiction: you don’t want him anymore, but you’d still be willing to get together with him if the opportunity arose, even though you know how much it would hurt you and your husband.  Especially the part where you talk about recognizing the negativities of your past relationship but going through with it anyway (i.e. he didn’t care for you, he didn’t care about your feelings, and he was fooling around with someone else the whole time) sounds like you aren’t really in control of your actions when it comes to him.

Does your Fi know anything about this guy?  Like that you dated and you still Google stalk him?  I think continuing down this path is really unhealthy, both for you as an individual and for your marriage.  Like any addiction or obsession, it’s going to be hard to finally end it, but you really need to do this for the sake of your future with your Fi.  You might even want to seek out a counselor for some extra help as you go through the process.  Just remember the end goal: to stabilize your relationship with your Fi and get rid of any temptations that might come between you two.

Post # 11
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah you have to stop google stalking him and just cut yourself off completely. If you honestly love your FI and you know you could never trust yourself around this other guy, then don’t even give yourself any temptation to do anything. Maybe next time you think of him, look at it outside of the box. Think “wow this guy could potentially completely ruin everything I have with my FI. That’s just totally unacceptable.” It’s okay to fantasize a little (I personally like to about a few certain male celebs, LOL) but if there’s a chance that it could happen (and read this: ruin everything) you gotta stay away from that. If your FI ever found out you google this guy that could really hurt him. Just pledge to yourself not to do it anymore. If you get tempted to, go busy yourself with a wedding project or other task.

Post # 13
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think this one is completely in your court.  You realize it’s bad, no not just in a ‘cutter’ sort of way but in a ‘i’m being a jerk to my husband’ sort of way.  You can either stop doing it or keep being mean to your husband.  I know easier said than done but really, you’re getting married, this isn’t just about being mean to yourself anymore.

Post # 15
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@ Kittyachi – ditto.

I’m sorry, and trying to be understanding, but it’s pretty difficult to hear someone say that they would cheat on their spouse if so & so came into the picture.

It seriously bothers me even when people say that kind of crap about celebrities & hypothetical yet unrealistic situations.

I think you should re-evaluate yourself, and your level of commitment to him, before you destroy a potentially life-long relationship.

Post # 16
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe next time the temptation comes across though you should just tell yourself ‘No I won’t do this because it will hurt my relationship/marriage and it won’t bring about anything good for me.’  Continually entertaining those thoughts and looking for him will continue the obsession with him and make it so that you keep thinking about him.  The more you push down those thoughts, the more they will go away and you won’t think about him and what he is doing or you won’t care.

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