So my bridal shower is on Saturday and I'm really excited. It's a traditional English tea party, as I'm marrying into an English family.
I only had ONE request for my day, no kids.
I'm a stay at home mom, who very very infrequently gets time alone. I spend all my time doing everything for others and putting others first and while I really love being home an taking care of my family - I just wanted these 3 hours to be "grown-up" time, and about me. Not to mention my FSIL has a child who's the type you can't put down with out him screaming, I mean this literally - and her other will rip open all my gifts before I can even look at them. And no, she never does anything about it - when I scold him for hitting my daughter or jumping on the couch I get called "Nazi Auntie" by her, even though it's in jest...well I feel terrible for trying to raise a well behave child who respects other peoples furniture.
So now MY sister is bit mad because she wants to bring her newborn. She says "Well she can't do any of that so why not" well, to be honest - many of these people haven't seen the baby yet and I don't want this to be a "view the baby, hold the baby, who want's the baby next" thing.
I feel like I sound so so selfish and though my sister is finally ok with it I can't help but have this guilt lingering over me for some reason. I want to think i'ts just because I'm so used to doing whatever it takes to get things just right for others that doing it for me is odd...but.. I don't know.
Should I feel bad? AM I asking too much by not wanting kids at my shower...?
No not at all... my shower has the same policy. I know exactly how you feel though, my FI's 2 year old nephew is our ring bearer and my FMIL whined when we chose to not to have him at the cocktail hour or introduced at the reception (once again a strict no kids policy). Our exact explanation was "this is not meet Adam day...if FSIL wants people to meet her kid she come back to visit more!" ...and that pretty much put an end to that Stick to your guns & don't feel bad, this your day and that is one very minor & legitimate request
I don't think you should feel badly at all, especially if it's a "proper" English tea. As a stay-at-home mom, you deserve a nice day free of other distractions. You wouldn't ask a CPA to crunch numbers at her shower; I don't think you should be forced to engage in your profession during yours.
First, thanks for replying to my post! Second, maybe I shouldn't comment, because I'm already selfish! LOL
It's your shower, it should be the way you want it, and nobody should steal yoru thunder on your shower. Maybe, everyone can get together after the shower, and spend time with the kiddies. One thing I learned while planning my wedding, you'll NEVER make everyone happy.
Don't feel bad at all. You're VERY justified to want to have no kids @ your shower. Heck I would too! Newborn thunder stealing aside, having 3 hours with no kids and just your friends to hang out with is reason enough to say HECK YEAH! Don't feel guilty and just enjoy yourself. Your sister might be happy to get 3 hours to hang out too. :)
I LOVE Bizz1011's reasoning. Too many people forget that being a stay-at-home mom IS a full time job - one that is literally 24/7. You want to have an afternoon away from mommy-business and that desire should be respected.
I completely understand. When we got engaged, my husband's two brothers announced that their wives were pregnant, one with twins. So NO ONE cared about our wedding on his side. We were the last to get married. It totally sucks. So I wanted our wedding things to be about us. So no babies were allowed at the shower or the rehearsal dinner. But, they both had their husbands pick them up for the shower and had them bring the babies at the end, so family did get to see them. Which I was ok with. Just tell her its your day, she had a shower I am sure, and she'll have parties for the baby, and you would like to enjoy a relaxing grown up day. Its not her decision.
Also, if you let your sister bring her baby, it wouldn't really be fair to everyone else who aren't allowed to bring their kids. You're allowed to exclude children from your bridal shower. I think you have some very understandable reasons for doing so, so don't feel guilty.
You're feeling bad right now because you're a good person who always puts others before you. So doing something that's perceived as "selfish" feels awkward.
It's absolutely OK to put your needs first for a changes, especially when it comes to your wedding and related events. Asking for an adult event free of children for 3 hours is not unreasonable or selfish.
So stop the self-inflicted bad guilt feelings and enjoy it. Your sister and FSIL will have to figure out their own opportunities to show off their kids. I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that.
Have fun at your shower and enjoy the attention. As a stay-at-home mom, you know those moments are far and few in between so revel in it!
Thanks guys I'm going to do what you say and enjoy it. And you know what - my sister isn't even upset that she can't bring the baby in the end it was more my mom who wanted her there - but it's all good.
So my bridal shower is on Saturday and I'm really excited. It's a traditional English tea party, as I'm marrying into an English family.
I only had ONE request for my day, no kids.
I'm a stay at home mom, who very very infrequently gets time alone. I spend all my time doing everything for others and putting others first and while I really love being home an taking care of my family - I just wanted these 3 hours to be "grown-up" time, and about me. Not to mention my FSIL has a child who's the type you can't put down with out him screaming, I mean this literally - and her other will rip open all my gifts before I can even look at them. And no, she never does anything about it - when I scold him for hitting my daughter or jumping on the couch I get called "Nazi Auntie" by her, even though it's in jest...well I feel terrible for trying to raise a well behave child who respects other peoples furniture.
So now MY sister is bit mad because she wants to bring her newborn. She says "Well she can't do any of that so why not" well, to be honest - many of these people haven't seen the baby yet and I don't want this to be a "view the baby, hold the baby, who want's the baby next" thing.
I feel like I sound so so selfish and though my sister is finally ok with it I can't help but have this guilt lingering over me for some reason. I want to think i'ts just because I'm so used to doing whatever it takes to get things just right for others that doing it for me is odd...but.. I don't know.
Should I feel bad? AM I asking too much by not wanting kids at my shower...?
posted by Sweeney2Be Bumble bee: 1,521 posts 6 months agoNo not at all... my shower has the same policy. I know exactly how you feel though, my FI's 2 year old nephew is our ring bearer and my FMIL whined when we chose to not to have him at the cocktail hour or introduced at the reception (once again a strict no kids policy). Our exact explanation was "this is not meet Adam day...if FSIL wants people to meet her kid she come back to visit more!" ...and that pretty much put an end to that
Stick to your guns & don't feel bad, this your day and that is one very minor & legitimate request
posted by tater Worker bee: 112 posts 6 months agoI don't think you should feel badly at all, especially if it's a "proper" English tea. As a stay-at-home mom, you deserve a nice day free of other distractions. You wouldn't ask a CPA to crunch numbers at her shower; I don't think you should be forced to engage in your profession during yours.
posted by Bizz1011 Newbee: 29 posts 6 months agoFirst, thanks for replying to my post! Second, maybe I shouldn't comment, because I'm already selfish! LOL
It's your shower, it should be the way you want it, and nobody should steal yoru thunder on your shower. Maybe, everyone can get together after the shower, and spend time with the kiddies. One thing I learned while planning my wedding, you'll NEVER make everyone happy.
posted by nortona Newbee: 18 posts 6 months agonortona - hahaha! too funny. Thanks!!!
posted by Sweeney2Be Bumble bee: 1,521 posts 6 months agoSweeny,
Don't feel bad at all. You're VERY justified to want to have no kids @ your shower. Heck I would too! Newborn thunder stealing aside, having 3 hours with no kids and just your friends to hang out with is reason enough to say HECK YEAH! Don't feel guilty and just enjoy yourself. Your sister might be happy to get 3 hours to hang out too. :)
posted by LisaL Worker bee: 95 posts 6 months agoI LOVE Bizz1011's reasoning. Too many people forget that being a stay-at-home mom IS a full time job - one that is literally 24/7. You want to have an afternoon away from mommy-business and that desire should be respected.
posted by MsAnge Worker bee: 124 posts 6 months agoI agree... enjoy it and have a guilt-free kids-free shower... you deserve it!!!
posted by LeahB Helper bee: 425 posts 6 months agoI completely understand. When we got engaged, my husband's two brothers announced that their wives were pregnant, one with twins. So NO ONE cared about our wedding on his side. We were the last to get married. It totally sucks. So I wanted our wedding things to be about us. So no babies were allowed at the shower or the rehearsal dinner. But, they both had their husbands pick them up for the shower and had them bring the babies at the end, so family did get to see them. Which I was ok with. Just tell her its your day, she had a shower I am sure, and she'll have parties for the baby, and you would like to enjoy a relaxing grown up day. Its not her decision.
posted by dreambml Helper bee: 480 posts 6 months agoAlso, if you let your sister bring her baby, it wouldn't really be fair to everyone else who aren't allowed to bring their kids. You're allowed to exclude children from your bridal shower. I think you have some very understandable reasons for doing so, so don't feel guilty.
posted by MissSnapdragon Worker bee: 105 posts 6 months agoYou're feeling bad right now because you're a good person who always puts others before you. So doing something that's perceived as "selfish" feels awkward.
It's absolutely OK to put your needs first for a changes, especially when it comes to your wedding and related events. Asking for an adult event free of children for 3 hours is not unreasonable or selfish.
So stop the self-inflicted bad guilt feelings and enjoy it. Your sister and FSIL will have to figure out their own opportunities to show off their kids. I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that.
Have fun at your shower and enjoy the attention. As a stay-at-home mom, you know those moments are far and few in between so revel in it!
posted by SoCalBeachGirl Helper bee: 395 posts 6 months agoUPDATE
Thanks guys I'm going to do what you say and enjoy it. And you know what - my sister isn't even upset that she can't bring the baby in the end it was more my mom who wanted her there - but it's all good.
Thanks again for all the help!
posted by Sweeney2Be Bumble bee: 1,521 posts 6 months ago