Why do I feel so terrible when others get engaged?!?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was in the exact same boat. I have been with FI for about 6 years now, and was waiting for the proposal for at least a year. We were talking about it, we’d gone ring shopping, we were ready. Every time I saw an engagement on facebook I felt physically ill. I knew I was being ridiculous, after all, it’s not like I was single or that he dumped me instead of proposing. I just couldn’t help but feel like it was my turn, I had been with him longer, we had been through more together, blah blah blah. I willed myself to not care about what was happening in other peoples lives, but it just wasn’t happening. All I know is that they moment he got down on one knee, all of that jealousy went away, and I was (and still am) so happy that it happened how it did, when it did and why it did. Hang in there, as hard as it is, and no matter how bad to want to shake him and scream “what’s taking you so long bonehead!?!?!”.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!!

Post # 4
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow it must be some odd phenomenon that as soon as you hit the waiting period EVERYONE starts getting engaged, married, and having babies! Luckily for me most of the people who are doing these things are old college and high school acquaintances or grad school colleagues I don’t hangout with very often. I don’t know if it’s a bad thing, but it’s so close that I now kind of want to be the first in my small group of friends to get engaged. 

Post # 5
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It is hard when you see other enjoying the milestones that you’re looking forward too. Social media (especially FB) only compounds these feelings! For a while, I would wonder when it would be “my turn”, but then I’d realize that I had already won the jackpot because I was with my FI! A friend of mine got engaged out of the blue a few months before me and it really hurt–especially because she went from cool easy going gal to show off the bling only talk about wedding stuff bridezilla overnight. Ah well, I threw her a party anyhow and I was glad that I did. Now that I am (finally) happily engaged, all of the waiting agony has gone and instead I worry about the wedding planning. Visiting WB definitely helped me pass the waiting time—it’s good to know that others share your thoughts and feelings!

Post # 7
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@runner_girl:  This site is amazing for keeping you from going insane!

I have to try very hard to not get jealous… my friend has her 1 year anniversary on Monday of going out with her SO and she thinks he is going to propose! Not sure how I will react – I’ll be happy for her but it will rub salt in the wound!

Post # 8
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@SarahTee:  do you miss the waiting at all? I have been through all of the emotions in waiting! Your post actually made me feel better 🙂

@lovelymuse:  I fully believe in your phenomenon! I can name at least 10 couples who got engaged within the 1 year I have been waiting!!

 

@runner_girl:  Welcome to the club!! I usually come her let off some steam and to clear up my thoughts. It usually works. The only way to turn it off is for your SO to propose. Almost everyone who is waiting has been through that emotion. Just vent here.

Post # 9
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@lovelymuse:  i know!! although i do wonder sometimes if it’s just that we’re NOTICING it more because we want it so badly for ourselves. who knows, all i DO know is that it’s super hard but i’m trying to enjoy just being the girlfriend and embracing that because this is the last time i’ll ever BE a girlfriend. 🙂 ahhhhhh the agony…. i am kinda tired of just being ‘the girlfriend’ though…. hahahaha!

Post # 10
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had a similar problem… Except for ALL of my 20’s I was either single or in a terrible relationship.  So when I saw everyone around me getting married, having babies, etc.,  I felt alone, unworthy, and wondered what was wrong with me.

I see a lot of people on the bee who think they have it bad because they’ve been waiting X years for a wonderful man they’re with to propose.  I think it’s easy to neglect the fact that you’ve already FOUND and KEPT the wonderful man.

I honestly felt a little bad when my SO of 1.5 years proposed, because I knew all the X year waiting bees probably weren’t happy for me because of the short term i had to wait.  It’s hard to make everyone understand what all those years alone felt like, and how perhaps I deserved the proposal just as much as someone who’s been dating a long time (but probably started out a LOT younger than I did when I started dating SO).  At least they received love for X years.

 

Wish I had good advice for you, other than to say that you should remember that just because the big moment hasn’t happened for you yet, doesn’t mean the other people getting engaged are taking something away from you.  

Post # 11
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

I know exactly what you are talking about. I am in the same boat. 6+ years with my SO also! It will be 7 in Jan 2014. I still don’t know when it will happen and I don’t even like talking about it anymore. I just watch it happen for everyone else around me and while it makes me happy for them I just get miserable for myself. I really have to stop with the self-pity BS and just live my life and enjoy it as it is now. If it’s meant to be then it will happen.

Post # 12
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

don’t let yourself feel bad! you can’t help how you feel. just remember to smile and then come on here to vent!

 

Post # 13
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@tiff-tiff-tiff:  Not really. I definitely wouldn’t say that I miss it, although I may be just a touch nostalgic for the last part of it. The reason for that being, for the 2 weeks leading up to the proposal, FI gave me a single red rose each day. I was certain that this was the beginning of the end of the waiting, so it was exciting. I had no idea how many roses there would be, so it was the excitement and suspense without the constant frustration of having nothing happen. All I know is now that I am no longer waiting, I don’t even remember those negative emotions unless I really think about it.

Glad I made you feel better!!!!! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

HI ladies fromer waiting bee here. 

I hade been with FI for 7.5 years before he proposed. Every time someone else got engaged before me i felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. One of my best friends got engaged and i cried for an entire day…. i just wanted to feel happy and excited for her but i could not get past my sadness and anger.  

Howver fast forward to today, my cousin got engaged and i am extatic for her, its teh first engagement that the first feeling i had was happiness and excitment. 

So i just want you all to know that it gets better, and if i can go from a crying, bitter person to the happy exited person i am today, so can you!

 

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