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SAME THING is happening to us, I haven't even sent invites yet and already sons and daughters who are like 17 are booking plane tickets for their dates! AGH! I hate it! Mostly b/c I feel so bad since they already got a plane ticket, but seriously who does that? I had FFIL take care of it and he was pissed off that he had to call....he's still mad.
I talked to a friend of mine who got married a couple of years ago and she had the same problem, but her sisters were trying to invite their friends, etc. She said what she did was just complain so much to her sisters about other people asking to bring extra people that they eventually got the hint and stopped asking. I tried it with my mom and it worked.
Good luck, dealing with that stuff is so crappy....I'm expecting more and more of this....
THANK YOU! It's really starting to irk me that friends are assuming they can bring date without really asking. Argh!!! My FI and I have been discussing the limitations of people being able to bring a guest. It will probably make people grumpy, but oh well.
btw... I'm from Bennington!
I haven't had that happen yet, but now I'm worried! I've gotten a few RSVP's, but nothing like that! So rude!
Just tell them no. It would be different if they weren't invited with their family. I've been to plenty of weddings as an adult with my family because that's who they sent the invite to, not me personally.
I'm not giving any of my sibs a +1 (they're 16, 18 & 26) because none of them have serious relationships and they don't need a friend to entertain them when they're going to be around tons of family.
Thanks ladies! Now I don't feel like I'm being a jerk for saying no!
@VTGirlinMa: It's nice to see another Bennington girl on here. Good luck with all your wedding planning!
@camrie:That's what I was thinking too. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and hang out with your family! HaHa!
I don't have much advice on this topic, but I just wanted to say that my fiance and I went to Bennington VT on a road trip in the fall, and I thought it was such a nice town. :-)
I had two people call to ask if they can bring a plus one even thought the invite was just for them, and I told them both yes, their guest is welcome to attend. I want my guests to have a good time, and it they are more comfortable bringing someone than coming alone, I would rather they bring someone even though it's more money I end up spending.
However, I am having a small wedding and only invited 4 people without a guest in the first place. It would be a different situation if I was getting an extra 20 people due to unexpected plus ones.
I've seen TV show plots revolve around who someone will bring as a date to a wedding (How I Met Your Mother, I love you, but you are a huge offender here). So I think sometimes people get the message that that's what's typical if they've never planned a wedding themselves.
I definitely think it's okay to say no but I can understand their perspective too.
For example I sent out invites to everyone with names, if I knew an SOs name I put it down but if I didn't I didn't put "and Guest" because that would have been weird but I spread the word that people are welcome to bring guests. (Because we don't mind). So if people have had the expereience of my invites it makes sense they'd assume when they got your invite.
Also if you think about the reception as a party - I've never been invited to party where I couldn't bring a friend, nor have I hosted a party where someone coulnd't bring a friend - that's the normal thing for parties right? A wedding is different because it's so much more expensive and big but it makes sense that people would bring over their expectation of parties - since they are not the ones planning.
But none of that doesn't mean you can't call and let them know you have limited space. I'm a fan of the reserved seats rsvps. (No excuses for ignoring that one! Though people still do...
I just assumed all the singles would bring a guest, so I figured that number into my overall totals. But, kids bringing dates? Sorry, under 18 can party with the family and leave their "boyfriend" at home (or girlfriend).
Hey rebeltreble it's not such a rare thing especially in the past but now as well for an under 18 year old to have a "wife" or "husband" no quotes required.
It isn't rare to be under 18 and be married? I don't know what state you live in, but it is pretty rare around here. Still, under 18 is a child and children shouldn't automatically be given a +1 which is what this topic is about.
UGH seriously took the words out of my mouth!
one of old youth group girls calls me (i haven't spoken to her in 5 months and haven't seen her since before we were engaged last summer) and says "i have a new bf (who actually has a gf that he hasnt broken up with for said girl) and he's coming to the wedding?!"... WTF?!
i flat out told her he's not invited.
she's lucky she's even getting an invite!
the nerve of some people
UGH! I know exactly what you ladies mean. Our problem is that we're choosing to have a small destination wedding, but our friends are automatically assuming that they can bring people and have already asked dates! We had to put the kibosh on that, but I think people are slowly getting it.
Ugh, I'm sorry. The only people who asked to bring dates were people who were in relationships (that we didn't know about or didn't exist when we made the guestlist). We said yes to those, but if single people asked to bring dates I don't think it would have gone over well...and if their PARENTS asked to bring dates for their kids? Weird.
I got asked by an acuaintance of mine - no, not close friend, not family member, someone who I wasn't even planning on inviting - that she "expected" to have an invitation for her new bf.
we had a small wedding of 50 ; I made sure I told my friends in their invite no dates because its a small party of 50 only closest family and some local friends;I only let two bring escorts, one was married the other was in a serious relationship that was it; everyone else was casually dating
the ones I had a hard time was 3 couples had kids, I just let them bring them, the one couple I stay with when I skiied in vermont, the other was my cousin whose wedding I went to and the other was another cousin's son; those were the only ones who I was iffy about; but still they were close friends and family I didnt want to offend and refuse;we eventually wound up with a party of 60;not too badly out of hand
good luck and be strong!just say no; they can always save their ticket for another trip within a year; not your fault they assumed, they should know better
We're struggling with this too! I think it's a common problem. If people only knew that if we gave everyone a +1, we would have a 350-person wedding. And the funny thing is, a lot of these people would probably want to go to an "intimate" wedding.
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So, we've got a about 4 weeks to go and rsvps have been coming in steadily. One in particular kind of irritated me a little. My Fh's brother and sister in law have two kids, one in high school and one in college. The response went something like: Mom,Dad, Son (+a date/friend?), Daughter(+a date/friend?). Now I understand if you are single and want to bring a date, that's fine as long as you ask, but to ask to bring a date or friend for your kids? I thought that was kind of weird. Anyone else have this happen, and how did you say no without being rude?