I'll bite. I never cheated, but I was once involved with a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend of 5-6 years. We were part of the same grad school program (which his SO was not a part of). I had a huge crush on him. We were friends and were part of the same circle of friends, but I swear to God I never made a move on him. He made the first move. It was very difficult for me to resist - I can't really explain how strong I was attracted to this guy. We had the craziest chemistry.
He was the kind of guy that girls think would NEVER cheat. Intelligent, principled, widely liked (although my best friend always hated him lol) not a lot of female friends.
Why did he cheat? Well, he was very attracted to me (and again, I swear, I never did anything to try and seduce him - if he hadn't made the first move I would never have done anything, but it was so hard to resist once I knew he had feelings for me), and I think his relationship at the time had gotten too . . . comfortable? I was the complete opposite of his SO, both in terms of looks and personality. I was also much more sexually adventerous than she was. Of course, he couldn't have known that when he initially made his move, but that is certainly why our affair continued for as long as it did (2 years).
He did feel guilty about the whole thing. We broke it off once and he made the decision to move in with his SO in the hopes that would fix whatever was broken about their relationship. It didn't work.
Eventually he asked me to marry him - while he was still living with his SO. Then he promised me he would break up with her. He lied that he did when he hadn't (I found out through a mutual friend that he had lied to me). I cut things off with him completely. He wrote me a letter begging me to give him a second chance, saying he had made the worst mistake of his life and that he was a coward. When he wrote this letter, he was still with his SO. I wrote him a reply saying that I could never be with him again, that I didn't believe his cowardice could ever change.
He did eventually confess the affair to his SO, although I don't know exactly how much he told her. I don't think he told her all of it.
They got married last year.
I think our affair was like a drug to him. He knew it was wrong but he just could not keep himself away (and it was difficult for us to not see each other because we had so many mutual friends). The only way I could end it was by moving very far away. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't had to move and/or if he had been less of a coward.
I think most people cheat out of a lack of appreciation -- it's a pain that impacts men and women equally. When you feel like your partner is ungrateful, uninterested, and not giving you the attention and romance you want or need, it's easy to sparkle under the flirtations of someone else who might be nicer, or more attentive/appreciative, and get carried away.
There's a LOT of reasons for cheating but I'd put money down that that's the most common one. You start to feel invisible in your own home, taken for granted, and when someone else then starts to give you sweet attention and appreciation, you feel good.
I think saying thank you and paying compliments and being flirty is something you should strive for in a relationship for your whole life, not just to snag someone. It's not your fault if someone cheats on you, it's them being awful, but that doesn't mean you can't reduce the odds of someone else catching your SO's eye or tempting them, even if they'd never act on it.
I think cheating is situational.
If you're dating a guy and he cheats on you after 2 months, it's probably safe to assume that he's just a whore. Some men are like that. Even some ladies are like that, it's usually because they aren't interested in settling down with just 1 person.
For a couple that's been together years, or married years, cheating can be from a number of things. The stress from a recent hardship on the relationship, feeling unappreciated or unloved, or even worse, if you start feeling ugly/dirty. Alot of times, they don't want their marriage to end, they just want to feel love.
Somewhat horrible cheating story about my fi's parents. His mom had breast cancer, and it was quite a battle. It was about a 4 year struggle, but they made it through. Apparently, fi's father was a real trooper - doing all the house work, taking care of the kids, taking care of his sick wife, while maintaining a job. After she got better, he was EXTREMELY depressed. [I'm just going to assume that it was because of his absent love life for those 4 years]. He did end up cheating on her, but he didn't want the marriage to end. And when she found out, he couldn't remember why he did it.
They are still together, and they are working through it. I honestly don't think his father would have cheated on his mother if it wasn't for the hardship they went through. It wasn't her fault, of course.
To answer your questions :
Have you cheated? Yes, but not on my fi. I've only ever cheated once.
Why did you cheat? I was living with my ex, and he got hurt and was on some heavy meds, he just wasn't himself anymore. We used to go out for dinner every saturday, and bowling every tuesday. Thursday was movie night. He never wanted to do anything, ever. He would go to work and then sit on the couch until bedtime. After 6 months or so of this, I just gave up.
Have you done it more than once? I cheated on him once, then immediately came home, packed my things & left.
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? I felt bad that I didn't break up with him before hand.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? Like I said, it wasn't my fi, it was my ex. I came home and told him.
That being said, I've been with fi for 4 years, and cheating has never crossed my mind. Sure, I might flirt a little here and there [im the flirty type], but I don't ever do anything behind his back, or anything he doesn't know about.
I am very curious myself, I have never cheated, but I was the one cheated on (my ex cheated on me in any way possible), so I am very intrigued by this post
Have you cheated?
Yes
Why did you cheat?
As a previous poster said, because I was feeling unappreciated and unwanted, and the sex had either stopped/was selfish. Mainly because I wanted affection and to feel loved. @Bebealways has hit it totally on the head: I spent years trying to improve things with my ex H - he wouldn't even admit there as a problem, let alone try to change things. When a friend showed interest in me, it was like waking up after being asleep for years.
Have you done it more than once?
Yes
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after?
Only the first time, afterwards.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way?
The last time, I told my ex H that it was going to happen if our relationship didn't improve. He did nothing, so I cheated. I was pretty open about it.
Would you do it again?
I would hope that I would end the existing relationship first.
Did your SO forgive you?
I've always been the one to leave a relationship where I cheated, so I have no idea.
There are so many variables here. Have I cheated? No.
For many women, I think it comes down to emotional factors - feeling attractive, appreciated, beautiful, sexy, even jealousy. Revenge affairs are much more common with women, and they're used as a way to rebuild self-esteem after a partner's perceived affair/inappropriate contact withsomeone else.
My FI and I have created accounts on cheater's sites and taken a look around at the people there. Surprisingly...most of the men are looking for someone to provide for and looking for someone to love them. Most of them are looking for sex and excitement, too, but at least in my area, many were looking for someone to talk to, to hold, go on picnics together, go to the beach...classic dating stuff.
I would say men tend to be more interested in the sex, the thrill, doing something new - and for women, that tends to be the currency to have the emotional side of things met.
I think we do a disservice to people in general when we villify those who have cheated as careless, wanton, sex-hungry demons. I don't think that many of them are careless. I do think many of them care about their partners still, love them, but want an 'addition' on the side to get some comfort during emotional times. Is it the -best- or the -right- solution? No. But can I see why people go for it? Of course.
Too many people say, I think, "If he truly loved his wife, he wouldn't cheat. " The No True Scotsman fallacy may work in other areas, but it doesn't work here. Love is complicated. I could just as easily argue that if my FI loved me, he wouldn't raise his voice at me (ever). The fact is...people can still love someone and make mistakes. They can still love someone, but crave sexual excitement, crave more emotional fulfillment, and find it in somebody else's arms.
I don't think anyone should necessarily stay with a cheater. For some, it really is once - and it's a painful lesson learned. For others, it will be a repeated process, and while going through recovery, people need to remember that it's not a guarantee that chapter of their lives are over.
But I do believe marriages can continue, and continue happily, given that the couple immediately enters counseling and get to the bottom of why someone cheated in the first place.
My situation is a bit different...
I was married for almost 15 years....
Have you cheated? Yes and honestly, I don't regret doing so.
Why did you cheat? Because my xDH was lacking in every department. He didn't pay attention to me, he didn't talk to me, he didn't touch me, he didn't have sex with me. After years and countless talks and fights about everything and swearing to change, he never changed. His priorities weren't with his family that he built under his roof, but they were with his "blood" family (mom, dad, brother...) Refused to go to counseling to work on our marriage. I put in the effort to work things out. Marriage is 50/50 - i was putting in 100%, he was giving 0.
Have you done it more than once? No, just once.
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? I felt guilty at first, because i have children...but I realized how unhappy I was in my marriage, things were never going to change no matter how much I tried over the years. It wasn't meant to be.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? xDH found out on his own by getting into my email and reading my emails. He still doesn't know the truth. He never came to me about any of it, asked about counseling, yeah--he wanted to work on the marriage THEN, but quickly cancelled the appointment, then I found out he was on Matchdotcom a week after he found out.
Would you do it again? If I could go back, yes..I would have done it sooner. If I could go back even before that ....I would have never married him..but I would never give back my kids or regret them. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Did your SO forgive you? Doubtful...but we had a very extremely civil divorce. We are friends. We don't fight and we get along good as can be when we are together, all for the kids sake of course. Our kids come first before anything.
ETA: I'm with the person I cheated on my xDH with. We are extremely happy together. Been together for a little over 3 years, and xDH is very happy for us and they talk when they are together. Hatchet was burried. Everyone moved on. xDH and I both know that we weren't meant to be together and some things just don't work out. But, we both got absolutely 2 beautiful and wonderful children out of it.
I've basically cheated on every BF except my DH. I can never imagine myself cheating on DH, ever. I've come to understand the two reasons why I've cheated in the past. Both are pretty immature reasons, but I was young (18-25) and immature at the time.
1. I wanted to end the relationship I was currently in and didn't have the balls to do it. Basiaclly cheating on my BF made it an easy decision for him. It was a cowardly way out.
2. The adrenaline rush and the excitement of something new. Obviously I wasn't in love with my SO's in these cases because now the idea of of this doesn't seem appealing at all.
Have you cheated? Yes
Why did you cheat? Loneliness
Have you done it more than once? Yes, in my past two marriages
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? Yes, after
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? Yes, I told the whole truth
Would you do it again? I hope not!
Did your SO forgive you? No the first time, yes the 2nd
1st marriage- husband worked nights, I worked days, sex life never existed, was isolated and lonely (he kept me from my friends from the begining so I had no one)
2nd marriage- husband chronically ill and as I found out later, addicted to pain pills. Slept all the time and basically ignored me. I BEGGED him for attention but he withdrew further and further from me.
After the first marriage, where I cheated off and on for two years (with one person) I swore I'd not live a lie again, so I told my ex immediately. He was so into his addiction by that point it was like he just didn't care.
Thanks for all the comments Bees, It really it good to try and understand a little better! My usual thoughts are "once a cheater always a cheater" and "they are obviosly bad people because they cheated" but I am really seeing that is not the case!
Another question I should have put on there was not just "did your SO forgive you?" it should have been more along the lines of "did you want your SO to forgive you? or did you want out of the relationship?" It seems as if a lot of people ended their relationship after cheating..
Keep the posts coming Bees!!
I think people either cheat because they are not getting their needs met/it is not the right relationship or they are some sort of sex addict.
Have you cheated? In the past, in each of my relationships I did (there was only 3 official relationships before FI, but plenty of other flings/dates/short term things). One relationship was long, one was on and off, and one was short (think 4 months). Never with my SO now, I couldn't even imagine coming close to it. He gives me all the affection and love I need, and more. Something I never had with my other relationships.
Why did you cheat?
All in all...they weren't the right guys for me, I liked the adrenaline rush of anything new, I was young, and I obviously wasn't that into my SOs (though it only became obvious to me that I needed to really end it afterwards!)
Have you done it more than once? Yes
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? The first time, yes I did. Shortly after. The second guy, no I didn't feel guilty. But he refused to be in an actual relationship with me, so I felt that I didn't have to act like I was in an actual relationship. Third guy, I did feel bad that next day but I got over it pretty quickly and felt better because I realized I should end it.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? Nope, no one knew.
Would you do it again? um...no? You mean would I do it again now with my current SO? No, I'm with the right person for me now and I don't even think it would be possible for me to cheat on him. As far as the past relationships...if I could go back in time I probably would have just ended the relationships a lot sooner! Save myself a few years of trouble!!
Did your SO forgive you? They never knew. I broke up with them all eventually (some immediately, some a little while later)
I've never cheated, but FH was a serial cheater back in the day.... in high school and right after. I don't think he saw any harm in it. He cheated on pretty much every girlfriend he had, because he could. Somehow, he never cheated on me.
Then, when he was 19, he caught his mom having an affair. I guess he finally saw what it caused. He got his priorities in order, and he contacted me via Facebook to beg me to consider giving him another (third) chance. 4 months later, I did, and we've been together ever since.
I've never cheated, but plenty of my friends have. My female friends who cheated usually did it for one of two reasons:
- Their relationship was basically dead, but they refused to accept it on some level. Cheating allowed them to draw a line and made it easier for them to split up with their other half... it was something quite final which they knew they could never come back from. I've also met men who cheated for this reason.
- In one case, a friend was dating a guy who became obsessively jealous, and accused her of shagging everyone. It was really quite abusive, and he became very controlling. Eventually, she just reached a stage where she thought "well, **** it. If I'm such a 'whore' then I may as well be a good one. He thinks I'm cheating on him anyway, so I've got nothing to lose."
My male friends have also done it because their relationship is over, and they want an excuse to split up/ a comfort blanket for them to move onto after the breakup. But they have also done it because:
- Some guys see nothing wrong with cheating at all. They basically buy into the idea that man is a sexual animal, and only the fear of getting caught would ever stop them. Give them the opportunity to do it and not get caught, and they'll do it just for kicks.
This type of man will never change, in my opinion. There's no point trying. In my opinion, some people will just never, ever cheat, no matter how much opportunity you give them. If their relationship is over, they will simply call it and move on rather than cheating. Some people, on the other hand, will always cheat. I was saying the other day how I have no problem with my FI going for drinks with female friends, or staying over at their houses, just as he has no problems with me doing the same with my male friends. But I also honestly believe that neither of us would ever, ever cheat on the other. It's just not who we are. On the other hand, I once dated someone who was a real dog... the type who will always cheat as long as they won't get caught. In either case, there's no point being jealous and checking emails and text messages... it will destroy your relationship with a 'non-cheater', and a 'cheater' will always cover their tracks too well to be caught like that.
I never thought I'd find myself in that position, but yes I have been cheated on, and have cheated on an ex. I had always been of the mind that if it was done once, it would be done again, until I found myself in that situation. Then I realized I had no right to judge anyone else's circumstances involving that. Each individual person has their reasons for being unfaithful, whether its good or bad reasons. I finally had to re-train myself to stop assuming that everyone that ever cheated would always do it again. And to answer the questions:
Have you cheated?
I did, on my ex. I was not proud of that fact, but it did happen, despite me having the mantra that 'once a cheater, always a cheater.'
Why did you cheat?
I was in an abusive marriage, with a husband that I had long lost any positive feelings for. I had left him twice, only to go back because I didn't have any other means of supporting myself at the time. His behavior towards me was belittling/demeaning, rude, condescending, angry, accusatory, controlling, etc.
Have you done it more than once?
No.
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after?
Part of me felt guilty, as I was doing the one thing I swore I'd never do. Having been cheated on myself, it was a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The major part of me did not feel as guilty as I thought I would have.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way?
Neither, he may suspect, but we're divorced now so it doesn't matter anymore. He and I both have moved on.
Would you do it again?
I'd like to think I wouldn't. If it came down to it, I'd rather just break up with a person before doing something like that.
Did your SO forgive you?
He didn't know either way.
Have you cheated? I have in the past (NOT with FH!).
Why did you cheat? Because my emotional and physical needs were no longer being met.
Have you done it more than once? Yes.
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? Not really. Each time the relationship I was in was essentially over.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? I didn't tell. In one situation, yes I was caught.
Would you do it again? Under the same sort of circumstances, yes.
Did your SO forgive you? I didn't ask for forgiveness.
I believe people cheat because they are dysfunctional. It has nothing to do with the other person and what he or she does. If it is not working out with your partner, you have three options. 1. Work on the problem 2. Deal with it 3. Leave.
Therefore, there is never a good reason to cheat. People do this because they are selfish and disrespectful...they want the convenience of being with their partner while being unfaithful. I also believe that most times, it is something that is inherently you (if you are a cheater). I would leave first because I just could not live with the decision.
I know a lot are saying if they were in the same situation they would have ended the relationship instead of cheating. For those who have cheated, why didn't you just end the relationship? This is just out of curiousity, I'm not passing judgement :-)
@ImaStarr: Because it isn't always easy to end a relationship - especially long-standing ones. Often there are other factors that must be dealt with-- household, finances, kids, etc.
Kinda hard when there are children involved. You have to think about them and their well being first. Not yourself. Children come first. I wasn't just going to get up and leave my kids behind, neither was he. They are far too important...but it's important for them to grow up seeing their parents happy...not miserable living together.
@Butterfly6 don't judge a person until you've walked a lifetime in their shoes...
I didn't cheat yet when I broke up with my ex, he actually stated that he would've found it easier to accept the break up if I had cheated!
Essentially when we broke up, I had been done in the relationship for awhile but my ex often chose to ignore how unhappy I was and told him so multiple times. He wanted to get married and when I told him I didn't, all he heard was that I didn't want to get married ever, not just not married to him.
I often thought about that afterwards, whether I could've cheated on him, but in the end, though it wouldve given him a reason to want to break up too, I think it would've stuck with him more in his "personal baggage". Regardless, it still wouldve hurt him in the end.
@jmaze: I didn't judge. The OP asked my opinion and I simply answered. You will only feel judged if you feel guilty. I don't think people who cheat are bad people. I feel that the BEHAVIOR of cheating is selfish and dysfunctional in itself. So if I go cheat on my SO right now, I would consider myself in a place of dysfunction right now. Simple. There is nothing good about the behavior and yes, in MY opinion, it does not come from a healthy place. I have never known anyone to cheat and to be in a healthy mental space at the time. I dont have to walk a lifetime in someone else's shoes. I was cheated on. I lived with a man who I had absolutely no reason to be faithful to and I left. Was I tempted? Absolutely. But I left. Nothing good could have come from it.
Have you cheated? Yes, in the past. Not on my husband.
Why did you cheat? I liked the attention and the adrenaline rush of the forbidden and breaking the rules.
Have you done it more than once? Sort of. I definitely engaged in questionable activities, even if not officially cheating, and there were times when I would be with numerous guys just because we weren't technically exclusive . . . even though I think the guys probably thought we were.
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? The first time, yes, terribly. Mostly after. During I didn't care.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? I came clean.
Would you do it again? No, not on my husband.
Did your SO forgive you? Uhhh, FORGIVE? I don't know. We stayed together, but I don't think things were ever the same again.
Have you cheated? Yes, on ExH. It was an emotional affair (don't know if that matters, just figured more data couldn't hurt).
Why did you cheat? Basically I wanted the attention and affection that I wasn't receiving in my marriage. There was probably also a bit of anger/spite at ExH in my choice, but I didn't sense it at the time, nor can I really be sure at this point. However, that just makes sense to me.
Have you done it more than once? One other time on my college SO, but since it was also an emotional affair, I didn't know that's what I was doing at the time. I just figured my best friend happened to be a guy. By itself that would be ok, but I was putting my best friend above my SO and sharing way more of myself with best friend.
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? Yes and no. I knew it was wrong and knew it would hurt ExH if/when he found out. That being said, I willfully/thoughtfully/purposefully entered into the affair without much hesitation. At first it was only going to be a fling situation (lol, emotionally?) to get what I (and he) needed until a specified time that was a natural stopping point. It didn't happen that way.
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? ExH somewhat knew, and when we were in the separation process, I told him what I thought were the important parts. I didn't see the point of sharing every intimate conversation or secret shared or whatever.
Would you do it again? No. I am now with the man with whom I had the affair. We both have a better understanding of why such things happen, the warning signs, and what we each have to do in order to keep our relationship healthy. If in the future it starts to break apart, I know we're both willing to do what it takes to try to fix things. If that doesn't work, I'll just leave rather than deluding myself any further. Even though the affair wasn't physical, there was still a lot of cloak and dagger type secrecy going on that, in the end, was just emotionally exhausting and harmful.
Did your SO forgive you? He says that he has, but...
Have I cheated: Not.
One of my best friends, cheated on her husband (now ex husband). I had just recently split from my first marriage (because my ex husband, I found out "cheated" on me (he went to lunch with a girl a few times without mentioning it and had flirty texts with her)). I was staying with her and her husband in their extra room, and she would go out with this guy and cheat. I never said anything...it wasn't my place.
She never told him. Even after she and I moved out.
Her marriage was falling apart long before that though. When I moved in with them (I was only there for about 2 weeks before we both left), she told me that she wanted me to stay there so I could help her make the step into leaving him. He wasn't nice to her, he treated her like crap, and I could tell from the time they got engaged, to married, to that second that she was not happy and neither was he.
One afternoon, when her and I were in her car (probably a month or two after leaving), she broke down and sobbed. She told me (her words because I will never ever forget how sad she sounded) "I don't know why I never left earlier....I don't know why I cheated on him either. I can't even tell him now that I'm not with him, but I was just...so alone."
I think she felt guilty, and still does to this day.
For those of you who have cheated in the past (especially multiple times), how does this efffect your current relationship? Does your current SO worry about "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Has your current SO cheated in the past (in another relationship), are you worried it would be easier for he/she could cheat on you?
Let's see, this is going to be so long!
When I was 16, I dated a man that was too old for me. He was abusive on every level and after a year, I cheated with his best friend 1 time, and we broke up. He never found out, though. Nearly a year after him, I dated another guy for almost a year, and ended up cheating right toward the end, with a friend of mine, 2 different times within a couple weeks because I just wasn't happy with him. He was just a push over and I hated it. I didn't know how to tell him I was done, so I cheated. I never admitted it, but he found out through mutual friends we had. I dated my 1st ex fiance when I was 19 to almost 22. I got pregnant with our daughter after just a few months, and I was a stay at home mom with his 4 year old son. I cheated after about 2 years with a friend, 1 time, because I was just immature and I didn't appreciate him. I was single about 6 months after that, but ended up dating a guy friend (2nd ex fiance) for about 6 months. I cheated on him at the 6 month mark, with a guy friend 1 time (right after engagement) because I just could not handle him smothering me. He was really emotionally unstable and I was scared he would hurt himself (never hurt me) if I were to tell him I was done with him. So I cheated and he found out through friends. We remain friends to this day, actually, so there are no bad feelings. A few months after all that, I dated my 3rd ex fiance. I got pregnant with our son only after a months and we were together 3 years. I never cheated on him at all. After that, I was single for 6 months or so. I dated a guy for about 9 months that I had been friends with for many years. I cheated with my son's dad after just a few months, because I wasn't fully over him and we hung out and drank and I screwed up. I dated a guy (4th ex fiance) about 3 months later for 1.5 years and cheated multiple times through the middle of the relationship with his friend who was also our neighbor. He was one I wrote about on the WB actually. He was the one I got engaged to and posted about it here, and also posted about our issues a little. After only being single a month, I dated a guy for 5 months and cheated 3 times in a two month span toward the end, with the ex before him. I was hanging with my ex and drinking too much and things got crazy. But I have grown SO much since that last break up (April 2012). I have been with someone since October that I have known since junior high and I have had no desire to cheat, and we are kind of long distance as well. I apologize for the horribly long response, and I hope nobody thinks I am an awful person! I really am honest in every aspect of my life, but the cheating really was like some sort of compulsion. I can say now, that I believe I am cured of it :)
Oh and to respond to
@KoiKove: , I have had only 1 guy have a problem with my past, and that is my current SO. He trusts me, but definitely DISLIKES the cheating. I am honest about it to everyone I date, because I would want them to be honest with me. I however, am not honest with the people I cheat on at the time, nor would I confess now because I just know it would crush them even after all this time. I am still on good terms with all of those exes and they all have moved on and have their own families and such. I would never want to confess and hurt them for no reason.
@Brickette: I think women do it because they feel unappreciated, undesirable, and need to feel that they are wanted by someone. Maybe there is something lacking in a relationship. Lack of intimacy. I know of men and women who have cheated, and their reasons are varied.
I was once sexually involved with a guy who I thought had a girlfriend - although I asked about her (because I'd seen him out with her), all he said was she was an 'acquaintance' - they've since bought a house together. For him, I suspect it was opportunity - she lived 4 hours away so I assume they were LDR. We had met out one night and I wouldn't give him my number, but he tracked me down. Not sure if the girlfriend has any idea, for all I know they might've had an open relationship.
I would never cheat on my SO, but I wish I had cheated on my ex. Maybe then, I would have moved on sooner. I had the opportunity when I saw an old crush out one night, but I was blindly devoted. To say that I regret not cheating says a lot for that relationship.
I can't answer any of those questions...but from a family counseling perspective we talked a little about cheating within marriage and in my very limited understanding it seemed that the cheating was always more about the couple and less about the third person. The person who cheated was in some way elected by the couple to do the cheating...but in some way they would both be giving cues to eachother that there were problems and that someone needed to fix it...
Have you cheated? Yes, but not too seriously. (not married and not sex, but def emotional cheating which can be more serious!)
Why did you cheat? Mostly because I was young and dumb, and feeling like dramatic relationships were normal or necessary or something; I could get into details but obv the relationship I was in was not perfect to say the least, and I had serious feelings for the third person from before I got with the bf at the time. we're talking college dramarama
Have you done it more than once? just multiple times in this same scenario
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? i felt guilty before i ever did it because my bf was so hung up about this third person it was almost like he drove me to do it!!! later i found out the bf had actually cheated on me longggg before and then again at the throughout the end of our relationship, way worse than anything i ever did! so no guilt whatsoever!!
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? no and no, we split
Would you do it again? nope, my SO and i have total trust and confidence in each other, we never played games or have drama, we're totally straight forward and open with each other. we always say how we love how after 5 yrs everything has been pure and awesome w us and we would never do that to each other no matter, and we believe each other 100%! (important also bc his dad cheated on his mom and ended up marrying that other woman!..but that's another story!!)
Did your SO forgive you? who cares what he thinks! he was an asshole!!!
Thanks for all of the input Bees! It is really nice to actually see if from the "cheaters" point of view.. it makes it easier not to judge people for what they have done if you know WHY they have done it!
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I have been seeing more and more posts on here lately about people or their SO cheating and I am wondering WHY? I have never cheated on my SO nor do I plan to.. I'm not writing this post to judge people nor am I writing it to cause trouble/fights, I am genuinely curious.. I would like to understand a little better..
Have you cheated?
Why did you cheat?
Have you done it more than once?
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after?
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way?
Would you do it again?
Did your SO forgive you?