Post # 1
I’m just curious about the reasons behind people’s decision or desire to marry. Why do people want or need marriage? I’m one of those women who thinks that it’s not just a piece of paper and I’ve taken quite a bit of heat when I’ve posted my opinions on some items, particularly my personal view that children should come after marriage. I had to think long and hard about why I’d want to marry (again) and I’m just curious what goes into other women’s decisions.
So Bees, why do you want to be married? Living together poses no problem in most places. It used to be that marriage was preferable for parenting but according to the number of Bees who planned and delivered children prior to marriage, that doesn’t seem to be a reason to marry. It’s rarely a financial reason or the desire to have sex that causes people to marry. It seems that the reasons to marry aren’t as clear-cut as they once were.
So what is a reason to marry? Why do/did you want to be married?
Post # 3
I voted other: We needed to be married so the Navy would recongnize me as his next of kin and inform me if anything (FSM forbid) happens to him. I am eligable for his insurance (Both health & car insurance) and all the benefits that come with the military. We also get tax breaks.
It wasn’t just for the benefits — I love the man! But, I didn’t need to get married to prove to him that I loved him. Really, marriage is just dating someone and it’s a bit harder to break off. Nothing really changed, marriage doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t make anything more stable or better.
If my husband never proposed, I’d stay with him. 100% of that. Marriage was never important to me, but it was best for us, especially with the Military.
Post # 4
In my religion we believe it is the full way that you serve God. Two people share one soul and it comes together when they are united in marriage. From there, a person can fulfill their true potential, or purpose in this lifetime. Additionally, procreating lol.
Post # 5
I can not wait until I get married so that I can just spend my life together with my SO. I want to wake up next to, and lay down next to him every day for the rest of my life. I want to spend every laugh and every tear with him. I think marriage is the perfect way to formally show our love to the world. Also, we want children together, but not for a few more years. I couldn’t imagine parenting children with any other person out there other than my SO. My heart has never felt so happy than when I’m with him, and I think marriage is the perfect way to show that.
Post # 6
In my religion, we believe that a Christ-centered marriage (and raising a family within that marriage) is the most worthwhile thing you can aspire to in this life. “Just living together” isn’t even an option to me (or my FI).
Post # 7
Well, for us its a mix of religion, wanting to start a family, and like another bride said we want to be each others next of kin. He’s my bestfriend and we want to be together forever.We could do some lf this without marriage, but we want to be married and experience all the fun of planning 🙂
Post # 8
I love him and want to be with him, but a big factor was the legal benefits/recognition. We have been committed to each other for 9 years through thick and thin. We have lived together for 5 and nothing will really change after marriage other than my last name and the legal benefits. I do not need a piece of paper to feel secure in our relationship or to stay with him. We do want to have children one day and I want to married first, but it is mostly from a logical stand point. If we were to have had children before getting married, it wouldn’t have changed anything regarding our committment.
Post # 9
I voted we want to make our committment formal and legal, and we want to be married before having kids.
Post # 10
Legal/immigration reasons – we would otherwise probably have maintained a common-law union, but they aren’t recognised for immigration purposes and given that one of us now lives/works outside of our country of origin, if we want to live together, we need to be legally married. He’s the person I want to spend my life with, but if it wasn’t for this reason, we’d have been just as content spending our lives together on a less formal basis.
Post # 11
@lorie: Very good question!
Well for us..part of it is our beliefs and the basis of our world view and value system. We dont believe in acting like husband and wife unless we are in FACT husband and wife! That is the most simple answer i can give.
We wil not sleep, live , or have children togeather until we are formally bound has wife and husbandbefore God. Its not about legal benefits…although they help…thank u government! Its about acting in the role you actually are …instead of playing “house” we are doing the real thing.! The old fashion way worked for a long time….somethings have chnaged for the better (womens rights) but somethings were put in place for a reason…i dont see a lot of ppl in my grandparents generation divorced…
Post # 12
@KingsDaughter: “i dont see a lot of ppl in my grandparents generation divorced…”
Because a lot of them were told they couldn’t and/or they were “forbidden” or “shunned” if they were divorced. The world has changed a lot, socially and in a religious sense. It’s a lot more “acceptable” to be divorced now than it was in their time. They may have stayed in unhappy marriages because of the social repercussions.
Edit: I also hate this posting “Read more at..” thing for copying a part of someone’s response. Seriously, it’s the worst thing this site has ever implemented. Sigh.
Post # 13
I want to marry my FI because he is my happiness. I cannot wait to spend forever with him. I want to wake up next to him every morning and go to sleep next to him every night. I love him so much and cannot wait to start a family with him as well. He is my everything and I can’t think of a better way to demonstrate that by getting married.
Post # 14
@lorie: Our beliefs are that marriage is sacred and holy, and not to be taken lightly. Plus we are madly in love & want to have children one day and neither of us are cool with having children out of wedlock.
Post # 15
I am one of the people who was offended in the way you stated your opinion in the other thread. Not offended by the fact that you have the opinion you do (although the logic still confuses me), just in the way it was stated.
Nothing will change when FI and I get married. Here in Canada, we already have all the legal/benefits of being married. We are already each others beneficiarys, we already have a will, we already have joint life insurance,etc. we own our home jointly, we share finances, and we have one beautiful boy who turns 7 today. Our sons last name is currently hyphenated, and that will likely change when we get married, but that’s about it. I MAY change my last name, but probably not for work purposes.
We decided to get married because it sounded like fun. That’s the honest truth. We have been together a long time, and have actually now been engaged for a long time. Marriage wasn’t something we initially wanted, but over time we decided, why not? We are missing out on a great party, great memories, and a chance to publicly declare our love. I’m my mothers only daughter, and I know this means a lot to her.
Our marriage is going to be a good one because our relationship has always been good. There have been ups and downs of course, but we have been committed since the begining, And marriage isn’t going to change that, it just solidifies it publicly, IMO.
I want people to understand I’m not taking marriage lightly, but in my head I entered into this relationship fully committed, weather marriage was a factor or not, it made no difference.
Post # 16
I voted for legal benefits formal commitment and other. My other is that I would like our relationship to finally be acknowledged for what it really is by his family. My family already accepts him as family, in fact my Nana said something to the effect of ‘well he’s just going to have to deal with me being generous, he’s family now’ the last time I talked to her. His family, specifically his female realtives don’t really want to accept me. He told his nephew to refer to me as Aunty Eckle in front of his sister and she flew off the handle. His mom never once congratulated us on our engagement, in fact when he told her the news she flat out told him that she did not support his decision. His grandmother has repeatedly told him to break up with me. When we get married I feel like they are finally going to have to start living in reality and either be happy for us or shut up if they don’t want to lose him.