Post # 1
I’ll start by saying that I understand these offers come from a good place, but why in the world are people offering to make food for our wedding?!?! I’m just baffled. First someone who is not even invited (just goes to the same temple as my FI’s parents) offered to make challah. I honestly think they’ll completely forget, so I smiled, said that would be nice, and left it at that.
Today, my FI saw a close family friend and she offered to make biscotti because he loved the way her grandmother made it when they were little kids. Again, very nice offer, but why? Why not just offer to make some and give it to us?
We’re having a formal wedding. It’s completely catered and with a sit-down dinner. I don’t even know what to do with random food that other people might bring. Who is supposed to get these items to the caterer to set out? Will the caterer be insulted? Never in my life have a heard of people offering to bring food to a catered event – is it some sort ofcultural thing I’m missing? My FI is white and from upstate New York, so I didn’t think it would be that different than weddings my friends and family have. Also, our wedding is vegan and neither of those items are vegan. I know I’ll have to let it slide and gracefully accept if the people make the food, but it does irk me that someone would be bringing non-vegan food to a vegan wedding. Honestly, I’m just crossing my fingers that these are “in the moment” nice thoughts and no one will follow through.
This topic was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by TGold.
Post # 2
That is a little strange for them to offer if they aren’t invited, but maybe they just want to help out since the reception can be very costly. a wedding I went to had catered food but there were also a few dishes that the bride’s family had made. The set up was beautiful and until someone told me her family had made those certain dishes, I wouldn’t have guessed it! If it fits in with the food being catered, I think it’s alright IF you want those dishes at your reception, of course! i don’t think the caterer should be offended if it’s not a dish that they offer, and being part of their job is to get the food set up, I think if you explain the homemade dishes to them they will understand. since its a vegan wedding, if people continue to offer, and you don’t mind them doing a nice gesture for you to help out at the reception, you could mention to them that it is a vegan wedding, but if they absolutely want to make something for the reception, you would be happy to have another vegan dish. You can also politely just explain that the wedding is vegan and that although you appreciate the thought, there should be plenty of food at the reception and you will be happy to know let them know if things change. That way they don’t feel rejected and makes it seem like you’re keeping their offet in mind. I hope this helps!
Post # 3
Either say that your caterer is providing everything you need or accept gratefully. You are in no way obligated to use a gift of food at the wedding itself, and if the person makes clear that it is for the wedding, you can tell them that your bases are more than covered.
Post # 4
I haven’t heard of this before. Will your caterer even allow outside food? Ours wouldn’t allow us to bring in anything other than the cake.
Post # 5
TGold: Well it could be a culture thing depending on the norm where you’re from. For a lot of the older generation, the “church ladies” handled all the food at receptions – which tended to be casual thing. The best thing you can do is just smile and say “That is so sweet of you to offer, but we’ve hired the most amazing caterer and our package already includes all food/desert for the wedding…..but we’d love some of that homemade biscotti to take on our honeymoon!”
Post # 6
TGold: Yep, most all-inclusive venues don’t let you bring in anything at all, except for favors that are edible. Health laws; you can use that as an excuse.
Post # 7
I keep getting that too, especially sweets! I keep saying I’m having a dessert/candy bar already, I don’t need more sweets on the food table but they don’t listen.
Post # 8
Even if your venue allows outside food, you could just tell they it’s not….