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Its been a few weeks since my wedding and I usually dont think about the fact that we are a interracial couple, but last night my dad told me that at his work (a hospital) a coworker came up to him and was talking about a wedding she had seen at a hotel she was staying at (naming my venue, my date, and describing me) and there was *gasp* black and white people mixing! And to top it off, the bride was white and the groom was black and it was just disgusting! My father, to his credit, proudly informed his coworker that she had seen his daughter and his new son in laws wedding. Needless to say, she shut up quickly and I imagine feels very awkward, and I got a laugh out of it, but I am still a bit surprised, we live in the NE and while I know people have issues with interracial couples I still havent heard anything directly (people tend to save their comments for behind our backs.) I like to think that people like her are in the minority but how can I know? Have any other brides encountered negative opinions about their relationships?
"why do people still have issues with my interracial marriage?"
Answer: Because they're dumb.
I hope you are thick skinned. You are now getting a taste of the attitudes that minorites have been dealing with for years.
BTW, you will never know. Like you said, it's done behind your back, in secrecy, amongst themselves (as far as they know).
Wow! Seriously? This blows my mind!
I am not in an interratial relationship but I still can't believe there are people out there who would balk at white and black people "mixing"... WTF!!!!!!
The same reason people have issues with gay marriages, or just being gay, with religious intolerance etc.
Sadly there will always be predudices for a long time to come.
I call it ignorance and they defend it with any number of silly arguments.
Mr. Tattoo's family (moms side) in the south make dumb comments like that. Like one time his aunt said, "No. I'm not allowing that n*gger to stay in my house! She can stay at a hotel alone." Yeah...not invited to the wedding. The only people on his mom's side that's invited is his mom, her husband, two uncles, and his siblings. Everyone else can choke.
You become numb to it after a while.
You'd be surprised. Even people you wouldn't expect say things like that when they think they're comfortable with you. My friend's parents flipped out when she was dating a black guy. They claimed they were just worried about how difficult it would be for her and what people would think, but I just don't think they were thrilled with it personally.
I once knew a girl who married a white guy (she was asian), but had a discussion with a bunch of us about how she'd never have kids with her husband because she didn't think it was a good idea to have a mixed kid.
The weirdest part of this post (to me) is that she would come right up to your dad and tell him that. How strange! I work with ladies like that, just trying to stir up trouble and not caring who gets hurt in the process.
There will always be racist people, most will be racist behind your back. But if it wasn't for race, they would find something else terrible to say, just for the attention/drama.
Maybe it depends on the location but I haven't seen any issues with interracial marriages. I've lived in two areas my life (suburbs of Philadelphia and now Seattle) and I've noticed people really don't care.
Although, I guess it doesn't really depend on location either. There will still be people who are still stuck in that mindset.
Sorry, that someone said that about your wedding. I would be so pissed if I heard that about my wedding.
That's awful. Your dad sounds like an awesome guy though. What a close minded little shrew that woman is. And what would make her think your dad would agree with her?! That's just terrible. Trust me, there are far more people who don't notice what colour(s) couples are and just see happy people in love than people like her. Don't let the bad ones bring you down.
People are mean and ignorant. Plain and simple. It's sad that people let their minds be clouded by prejudice and hate. Often times they haven't even really met and gotten to know a person of the group that they hate. It's sad. Keep your chin up, you have more love and class in you than that stupid lady has in her pinky toe.
That's terrible. Honestly, I don't really get it either. That's their biggest problem in life, considering it's not even a problem? And to use words like "disgusting?" Really? Yeesh.
This didn't happen to me, but this just popped into my head too. I had a friend in college who had been dating this girl for a few years. His family was totally cool with her and the relationship until one day they happened to meet her parents. Well they are Mexican and his parents had no idea she was mexican (she's very fair skinned, blue eyes) and instantly everything changed. They insisted he end the relationship. He didn't, but just an example. I have no idea why they had such a big issue with it, but it was shocking after so long.
People are stupid. For real. It always seems to me that the people who make any kind of comments like that are truly just ignorant, uneducated, sheltered. That woman is not o.k....you almost have to laugh at how ridiculous she sounds!
Where do you live? Where I am from in Texas unacceptable stuff like that happens all the time.
Where I live now in Boston I have never seen anyone bat an eye at it!
How embarrassing for her that she was describing your wedding to your dad! I hope she realizes how close minded she is being, and I wish I could've been a fly on the wall during that conversation...
I believe love is blind, and most of the relationships I've been in have been interracial. FI and I are an interracial couple, and we've never had people say anything, but we do get some interesting looks from time to time. But those could be from anything. Maybe they're thinking "He looks too old to be with that girl" (I'm actually a day older than him but I look young and he has some crazy facial hair sometimes...) or "Look at his/her hair" (I have a good sized fro and he has shoulder length wavy hair hahaha). I'm grateful our families are accepting of our relationship, and are happy for us. Not everyone is that lucky. And even if some random cousin or stranger has a problem with us, who cares! You are fortunate enough to find love, so be happy and enjoy it!
Unfortunately, ignorant people still exist and will always be around. It will continue especially when you have kids. My FI is of another race, religion, and SES. I always have lots of stories to tell. Live Mrs Tatoo said after a while you almost get numb. But sometimes you get those comments/moments that just make your mouth drop.
People are ignorant, judgmental and close-minded to what they have not grown up thinking is "normal". Way to go dad, though. :)
I live in NW Pennsylvania, about an hour and a half north of pittsburgh. We do have a surprising amount of rednecks and not a hugely diverse culture up here. His family is from Houston, and we plan on visiting them soon, I have to wonder what the perceptions are around there.
His description of the conversation did make me laugh, he was mimicking her gleeful horror in gossiping about this wedding, and when he told her just who she was badmouthing apparently she just shut up and walked away. Im sure she will feel very awkward at work for a while.
That reminds me of how a friend of mine from Philly once described Pennsylvania: Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and a whole lot of Alabama in between.
I'm sorry she said that, and I'm glad your dad is awesome. I hope she is appropriately mortified, and I hope he tells everyone at work what she said.
That is the most accurate description of Pennsylvania I have ever heard, I had lol when I read it!
wow, it's hard to believe that people still think that way. I'm sorry you have to deal with such ignorance.
@Annabelle86: In response to your question, I would have to go with Forest Gump's famous quote..."Stupid is as Stupid does"! I, personally, think interracial couples are lovely! Congrats on your recent marriage!
Terrible. We're interracial/cultural (Latina/AA) and a former friend of mine (emphasis on former) stated that I (as a Latina) was part of the reason African American women couldn't find good African American men. Other than that we haven't had any issues. My family is so diverse that it's a non-issue.
Although it sucks. I think you will get used to it. My parents have been married almost 30 years, and still get comments or stares when they go out (especially with us kids). Even though so many people have become okay with interracial marriages, there will always be people who dont approve. But they arent important to you anyways...
You must be so proud of father, I loved that he stood up for you and your DH.
As part of an interracial couple myself (I'm West Indian & my SO is Caucasian), I understand how it can hit you sometimes that you and your SO really are so different (at least on the outside). All we can ever really do though is just concentrate on loving one another and hopefully enlighten those who are still so ignorant.
@Pumpkin0302: On a side note, I really can't wait to have cute little mixed babies with my SO. I personally feel that mixed people generally are really good looking because they tend to carry the best traits of both nationalities.
lol @koala bear - I agree, (I'm half hispanic and half white 
). It's just sooo surprising sometimes what sort of beliefs are out there, even from people you would think would be open minded.
In terms of stupid comments people make, you have to let them go. There's always someone out there like a previous poster said who will just like to say nasty things and are critical of everything. A woman at my work would make comments about certain races or mixed couples, but she was also the first to call someone fat, ugly etc.
It's so frustrating that some people are still so closed minded these days. Props to dad for sticking up for you and putting her in her place!!
Some people suck. FI and I dealt with some hating from his Mom. It hurt like hell that she would pass judgement on me when she knew nothing about me. She crossed the line once at Christmas a few years ago and FI was all over it. I never even had to blink an eye about it. He let his mother know that she either needed to get with it or get lost. He would not tolerate that kind of ignorance towards me. Our relationship has really improved over the last two years. I think she realized that FI was not playing and she wants to be a part of her son's life.
Hang in there. Yes, some people will always have a problem with it but if your man has your back , that's all that matters.
It's amazing how people who think interracial couples shouldn't get married because they are too "different" think that same-sex couples shouldn't get married because they are too much the same.
Unfortunately, there will always be bigots our there. About the best you can do is to think that while it may be annoying to hear from them, it's got to be worse being them.
It happens everywhere all the time. Somebody not matter the religion, sex, or race, SOMEBODY has issue with it.
Thickskin is key :)
My parents are wonderful people, but we live in the South and they have this attitude of "this is how I grew up, why should I change?" It baffles me but, coming from a family where this sort of things is acceptable, I kind of have a different perspective on it.
Growing up, my Dad always told me that I wasn't allowed to date black boys - it's literally the only restriction he EVER gave me about dating. My brother considered dating an A-A girl once, and my mom called me at college asking for advice on how to deal with it, because she wanted to be supportive, but literally didn't know how to be. I was flabbergasted - how do you even tell someone HOW TO BE SUPPORTIVE of their child's choice in dating, when the only issue is a racial one?
They have the attitude of "I'm not racist, I just don't believe in interracial marriages." My oldest brother (a year younger than me) is seriously dating a girl now whose children are 1/4 African-American. Before dating this girl, he flew the Confederate flag, wore the belt buckles, etc., simply because it was an IDENTITY and a heritage for him to have. The second that the girl questioned it (and it took her several months to work up the courage - she was in a long abusive relationship beforehand so she has trust issues, so he was already super serious about her), he got defensive, then FI and I asked him a very important question: "How will you explain that heritage to those children, if you end up being their father figure?" It completely changed his perspective that night, and he was outside unscrewing the Confederate flag from his truck immediately. He's gotten some crap for it from his friends since, but has stood his ground.
There is hope yet, but it seriously takes something life-changing like that to make someone change their mind. I couldn't believe that, after years of me trying to explain to him why it might be offensive, he changed it that quick.
I am as white as white can be and I was in an interracial relationship for about 2 years in what is considered a pretty progressive city up North. Most of the comments I got were from his friends and family. We ended up breaking up. Once his family decided they didn't like me, that was it. We tried, but it just couldn't work out. Shitty deal.
Oh and did I mention that his older uncle was actually convinced that I had a tail?
That's awesome. She got what she deserves and then some. You think she's ever going to feel comfortable around your dad? I hope not! What if she ever meets you!? Also goes to show that she knows she is in the wrong becasue if she really believed she was right she's say, "how could you let her marry him?" Instead she walked away with her tail between her legs. Priceless.
I am very sorry for what you're going through--that must truly hurt. Hoping things get better for you both. Alas, love conquers all...
I have no problem with interracial marriage. I think that's the way it's supposed to be. We're all beautiful humans, right? :)
My grandmother (born in 1938 in California) was raised during a time where certain races weren't considered as equals. Long story short, my grandma hasn't changed from the ways she has been taught. Sometimes I feel as if she will never understand. She never wanted me or my sisters to date anyone of a different race than what we were. My sisters and I never agreed with her--so we just laughed it off.
My fiance just so happened to be, well, the same race. So, she didn't have a problem with it and I never had to deal with anyone having a problem about it. But, my grandma happens to hate her own races, too. So, I'm just confused at times. She is stubborn and very, very sassy so I don't think anyone is going to change her mind. Well, I just show her love, pray for her, and attempt to live out the reality that authentic love is blind. It's all I can do, and I can only be an example for her.
*Hugs to you both*
I live in England, I'm white and my fiance is Asian (Pakistani). We like it when we can hang out in places that are very mixed (like London) because for once we don't have people doing a double take when they see us together - whether that be white or asian couples (places that are less mixed). We've had some rude remarks as well and some people literally stop and STARE like we're doing something awful.
There is one reason why people behave like this: Ignorance.
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