Why do people think they can sub-in people for wedding invites?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - The Biltmore Ballrooms

 HI,

 

I think he’s coming from a nice place- but he is likely ignorant to a wedding planning process. We are using the same tactic. Plus ones ONLY for people who would literally not know anyone else if they came alone. I know we will get the same questions about bringing someone due to someone else ot coming. I’ve already prepared that my answer will be know. I have about 15 people on a “B” list. That if someone isnt coming, I’d invite someone on the “B” list.

 

Do you have something like this? If you do, it’d be fair to let him know that since his mom and brother wont be coming, you are now able to replace them with other friends and family of YOURS who you were previously unable to invite.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s hard to say whether there will be room, our invites haven’t gone out yet so it’s not like we have RSVPs back.

This shouldn’t be an issue because you should only have invited as many as your venue can hold to begin with.

That aside, I think if people don’t RSVP yes, then the empty spots should be filled with guests of your choosing, NOT a date of a guest, especially one you do not know. I would let him know that RSVPs are not back so you cannot give him an answer on if he can bring his date. Or just ell him no and sya that you cannot allow her to come. He may choose not to come then, but that’s his choice.

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Post # 5
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

If she isnt traveling with him then I dont know why he needs to bring her. Also if you dont like this girl he wants to bring, you have every right to say no. You dont owe him a plus one at all.  

Post # 7
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

Our MOG wanted to send an invitation out, to someone else she knows, ever time one of the guests on their side declined. First of all, we didn’t have an unlimited ammount of invitations, and 2nd, I told her repeatedly that we invited 125 guests, expecting 15-25 to decline, since we had a maximum capacity of 100-110. Substitutions may apply in recipies, but not in wedding invitation guest lists. 

Post # 8
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

Since you said that limited space was the issue, he’s thinking that two people not going frees up two spots.

He’s not taking into account that a) you might have over-invited knowing that some would decline,  b) you probably didn’t have enough space to invite everyone you’d like initially, and so you’d like extra room to go to those people first, and c) you might have additional budgetary or personal reasons why you don’t want to invite people you don’t know.

I’d just be kind but firm with him. If you’re comfortable telling him the real reason, that’ll help him understand. He’s not being malicious, he probably just thinks there’s no harm in asking and he’d have more fun if he brings this person, and he doesn’t know of reasons why he can’t/shouldn’t.

Post # 10
Member
786 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t mind subbing people. It’s not any extra space or cost, if one person comes because another can’t. But personally I wouldn’t invite more people than my venue could hold, makes for all kinds of problems. I’d let him bring her, guess I’m in the minority.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  MzJynxie.
Post # 11
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just tell him sorry if any misunderstanding (which is total BS, he is an idiot), but the invite was for you only.  This is one reason why I do not llike plus ones, you do not know who will show up.

Post # 13
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

HeartsandSparkles:  No, it isn’t too much to ask, and if you read my whole response, I stated that’s exactly what you should do. I was just confused by the portion of your OP where you said that it was hard to tell if there would be room (hence why I thought you overinvited). If uncle John can’t come, and this new date is in his place, technically there would still be room because you are subbing a person for a person, no?

But, as I said in my original response, you should get to choose the guests to fill the empty spots.

Post # 14
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

HeartsandSparkles:  Ugh, some people are just awful. Here’s what I would say:

Hey [insert name here]! Sorry to hear your mom/dog/fish can’t go. We are still in the process of sending out invitations and waiting to hear back from all of our guests. We have a few local friends we plan on inviting if we get back any ‘no’ RSVPs. If there are still empty seats after that, I will let you know so that [insert unwanted guest name here] may attend. I hope you don’t mind that we are giving priority to our own guests first! 

Hopefully that bit of passive agressiveness in the guise of charm will get the point across. *facepalm*

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