Post # 1
So my old boss, who recently retired just called me to congratulate me on our enagement. We had a very good relationship and I do love hearing from her from time to time. BUT ………. she starts asking the usual questions, when is the wedding, where, etc….and then goes on to say “omg I am coming to this wedding I don’t care I’m inviting myself.” WHAT????!!!!!! I didn’t say anything back just kinda laughed along with her. I am really upset. Its not that I wouldn’t like her to come, I would, but FI and I are trying to keep this this small, and if I invite her I HAVE to invite my current supervisors and it just opens up another whole list off ppl at work who will be offended. Why, why, WHY do ppl think its ok to do this?
Post # 3
I feel your pain! We had an aquaintance come up to us on New Years Eve and say the same thing! I would never find it alright to invite myself to someone’s wedding, it just seems like such a rude thing to say. My fiance doesn’t care for this person, so now we are torn on what to do!
Post # 4
Hmm, you could always return the favor with a bit of your own passive aggressiveness! “Oh, with close friends and the invitations my parents have extended to family and such, the guest list is already full. I’m sure you understand.” Force feed them that last line with a smile – how can they argue!? 😛
Post # 5
Ugh, very afraid of this! I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but I’ve heard this is unfortunately, RUDELY common. Most of the horror stories I’ve heard had to do with RSVP’s, but I have had some brides tell me about people who tried to demand an invite. My FSIL even had a girl tell her, “I am invited to your wedding. I’m coming!” Seriously, wtf?!
I had a friend who had guests write in other people they were bringing on the RSVP. Another girl I know had someone RSVP plus eleven. ELEVEN! A girl at my (kickboxing/MMA) gym asked my fiance if everyone from our gym is invited. He said, “Are we inviting 300 additional people to our wedding, some of whom we don’t know? Um, no. Not happening.” And she asked, “Well, what if we all chip in 40 bucks. Then can we come?” Huh? What is this, a grand kegger? Sheesh!
Sorry you have to deal with that! What a headache! I think lilacwire’s suggestion is awesome.
Post # 6
I agree with @lilacwire: Have an answer prepared, because I bet this isn’t the last time you will have to deal with this situation.
Post # 7
Ugh. I feel your pain!
Except the difference was the girl, who is the daughter of one of my FI’s friends, said she wanted to be IN the wedding! granted it was a question, but she put it on my FI’s FACEBOOK WALL! WTH? Good thing we hadn’t really started planning the wedding until now! At least we can claim ignorance of it, lol.
My FI’s reasoning for people doing this is the have a feeling of “entitlement”. They think since they know you, they feel like their entitled and owed the right to come.
Of course, you could just ignore it and if asked, say it must have got lost in the mail and neglect to mention WHERE the wedding is taking place! (Or do what my bro’s best friend did: don’t send it but claim it was returned saying they weren’t coming… but that’s only if your in a mood to be mean…)
Post # 8
gag gag gag. I hate it when this happens!!! I’ve had coworkers, aquantences, people I haven’t talked to in years expect to be invited…ummm NO!!! Even my hairdresser assumed she was invite AND that she was doing my hair. She was a friend from school, who I only see when she does my hair and I figured she would do my wedding hair, but I wasn’t expecting to invite her, her loser bf, and their 2 kids…oy.
Post # 9
I went through this with my old roommate. We lived together 6 years ago and except for the occasional FB “we should get together” message that doesn’t ever happen, we haven’t seen or talked to each other in over 2 years. I saw her at a mutual friend’s party a month ago and she was talking like she’d be invited. I tried to dance around it but she got the hint and got kinda offended. However, then she backtracked, said she would understand but still wants to be invited to my shower and bach party. Um no. Then she hounded my MOH of info on whether she will be invited. I really wish I could use the “we’re having a small wedding” excuse but I can’t. We’ll be inviting at least 230 people.
Post # 10
This is why I’m super glad we’re having a small wedding. Because telling people it’s a small wedding basically stops them in their tracks after an attempted self-invite. I keep that response on automatic pilot for whenever someone who’s not invited asks about details 🙂
Post # 11
I was so embarrassed when my fiance did this to his friend. They invited him to the wedding. He totally told me we were both invited and all of that. Then he gets all huffy puffy one day. I ask him what’s wrong. he says the bride-to-be says “we just got your RSVP, we hadn’t realized we put a plus one on your invitation” to that my fiance replies “it’s my fiance and she’s flying all the way from the united states” to that they replied “well since she’s coming from so far away we’ll make an exception”.
I felt humiliated. I feel so totally rude showing up at their wedding. They’ve never met me. And he’s so damn oblivious and doesn’t see the big deal. They finally finished it off with “when you’re planning your own wedding you’ll understand”. I chewed him out but he still doesn’t get it. I’m so frustrated and so awkward about showing up at this wedding. Truth be told I don’t want to go at all. I’m that humiliated and so mad at him but he’s too thick headed to get it himself.
p.s. i love him. but men can be so oblivious sometimes. im like that woman is all but uninviting me and you dont even see it.
Post # 12
My FI invited all his aunts and uncles and no cousins and one of the couples said, J (their daughter) is looking forward to meeting
I was a bit insulted not only for the fact that they invited themselves but if she really wants to meet me she could have met me 2 years ago! It’s not like we live far. They live in the same town as FI’s rents and we are there way too often. I’ve never met these people.
So of course now FI’s rents were like well we’ll see if there will be room and I know she has a B/f too so donno if they plan on him going as well. Yeah rude, you can ask if she could come you don’t just invite her.
Post # 13
In that situation I think your FI’s friends were pretty rude. You’re his fiance, that’s like a given that you are invited too!
“we just got your RSVP, we hadn’t realized we put a plus one on your invitation”
That statement is so rude. I wouldn’t want to go there in your shoes cause they seem like very rude people. I would be offended if I were you.
Post # 14
@Atalanta: you totally have a point, and I did try to relay that to my FI, but at the time I was not yet his fiance. I was his GF that they had not yet met. I still found it rude, I totally agree. I should mention my honey is from England, i’m American so it’s not like I’m hanging out over there all the time.
But I still felt their response was icky. On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have chewed him out…hmmmmmm… 😉
Post # 15
Yes, we’ve already had 5 people invite themselves….I get nervous every time I get RSVP cards in the mail! I hate confrontation, but I really don’t want random people at my intentionally intimate wedding. Geeze.
Post # 16
It is something we all have to deal with. I think it is rude and although people may really get caught in the excitement, it puts the couple in an awkward situation. I just received a text from an old friend who I have not been in contact with simply stating “where is my wedding invitation”. I was very upset. Apparently folks simply do not care.
We have to stand firm and not cave. The guest list can grow beyond our means. My standard response is that we are looking at the guest list which is the most difficult thing because we can’t invite everyone. The person usually looks dejected but…we just can’t!