Post # 1
I’m a teacher so I’m around almost ALL women at work. I am only 23 so I’m not married yet but have been with SO for 2 and a half years now and still have all the romantic fairytale feelings. My coworkers always talk about how they don’t want to go home and deal with their husbands, etc. Like they dread going home at night and try to stay at school doing lesson plans with me and preparing for next week. I would much rather leave at the end of the day and plan during my planning time, but due to the rest of my team not interested in getting home early they drag out the planning and meetings. I am so sick of it! I just don’t understand what changes in a relationship (probably because I haven’t been married or with someone for over 5 years). It just seems like so many people around me are always openly complaining about their husbands and how they don’t do anything and they always fight.
Please tell me this isn’t the standard…I want a marriage to look forward to! And when I come on here most bees seem very content with their relationships.
Post # 3
My husband is a butthead sometimes but I can’t really complain. It isn’t a standard around here.
Post # 4
@Hyperventilate: +1, my husband is awesome 95% of the time 😉
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I’ve been with my guy for 13 years, and it hasn’t always been rainbows and unicorns – but I have ALWAYS loved him and looked forward to spending time with him!
You have to work to keep it good, though. It can be easy to fall into a bickery, nit-picky, snippy dynamic where little resentments and annoyances build up into a relationship that your honeymoon-phase selves would never recognize…
Post # 6
@katydaisy: Is my DH perfect, uh no. However, he is amazing and I really don’t have anything serious to complain about nor would I. Besides the occasional “gee I wish he would tidy up a bit more” I am certainly not going to go into vent mode around people.
We have a friend that complains ALL THE TIME about her DH and a lot of the complaints are pretty serious; calls her fat, verbally and mentally abuses her, flirts with other women etc etc. After hearing these complaints it is starting to affect our relationship with her because we don’t know what to say at this point and we sure as hell don’t want to hang out with the husband now that we know how he treats her!
Post # 7
@katydaisy: I dont get it either…I only been with my fiance 3 years (im 24) and i love him to death..yes he gets on my nerves and drives me crazy..but i love coming home to him or him coming home to me every night…its the same at my job…i work in banking with all women and the older ones are either divorced or complain about their husbands or talk about how they hate cute things like cuddling and kissing and stuff…i dont get it…u gotta do stuff to keep the relationship strong and loving..and its the divorced ones who always want to give me relationship advice!…anyways ur relationship will be how u want it to be…i lok at these other women as how i dont want to turn out…best of luck to u love 🙂
Post # 8
From my experience. Women just like to complain about everything. If they don’t have a husband to complain about, then they are complaining about something else. I’m guilty of complaining about my FI too, not because I want another man. Maybe more just to make conversation, as a form of female bonding, and boosting my self-esteem for making me feel like I’m too good for him or something stupid like that. Or just as a way to unload my frustrations.
I’ve been trying not to so much lately. Especially because I’m tired of all these women (mostly the ones I work with) complaining all the time. And also I read complaining about your significant other to other people in relationships can be bad for their relationships too.
Post # 9
My take… and an Older Bee & Encore Bride
(Marriage # 2 is now almost a year old, and my first Marriage was 20+ Years)
It is because too many people don’t spend enough time doing the TOUGH WORK on a potential relationship at the FRONT END
(Common Values – Goals – Interests – Compartiblity – Respect etc… as well as a myriad of other issues that impact marriage… Fidelity – Friends – Careers – Kids – Inlaws – Sex – Religion – Money etc)
So they end up with someone that isn’t necessarily their BEST MATCH
Which means the TOUGH WORK comes at the back end, when they are already married, and because of the time they have in, shared experiences (as well as kids) and money (House, Cars, Investments)
Not wanting to Divorce (feel they were defeated) they end up spending a lot more effort than they truly need to holding it all together
Couples who aren’t just ONLY all ga-ga over each other in the beginning and ask a lot of Questions “hammer out” issues at the front end (or decide this person isn’t for them and move on)
Do better in the long term IMO
People who end up married, just because it is the “next phase”… or what every one else is doing seem to have the most problems down the road
Which is WHY I tell the Bees on the WAITING BOARDS
If it isn’t working out as you dreamed now… Marriage isn’t going to make it any better !!
Just doesn’t happen !!
Post # 10
Well, 2 years is just a tiny bit of time with a SO. I’m 7 years in and FI can be a real pain in my rear at times. But if these women are seriously complaining like that, there must be something happening in their marriages.
Post # 12
I feel the same way! I am a teacher and so many of the women complain. The two other teachers at my grade level are divorced and clearly bitter about men. They make comments like “well everyone wants their first wedding to be spectacular.” and have tons of negative comments about marriage in general. My bf has hinted we will be engaged in a month or less, and I am kind of dreading telling them! I sure they will act happy, but have all kinds of opinions behind my back.
Post # 13
@katydaisy: I know people that complain in a loving way – like oh he’s sooo annoying but you know she would do anything for him – I think its one of those things that gets said that you don’t really mean, I know SIL and I have little complain fests and the guys tease us that we’re sooo silly but everyone all loves each other – its just a way of talking. Maybe you’re taking it too to heart?
Post # 14
Nope not standard. At least I don’t think so… If I know DH is home I hate working late. Also, I would never complain to my coworkers and my husband!
Post # 15
I want to say that it’s a form of “peer pressure.” I could be wrong; I don’t have friends or co-workers like that. It seems to me like if one woman complains about something that is bothering her, then it opens up the conversation for everyone to do it, and then they bond over how irritated they get at their husbands – thus wanting to stay and gossip instead of go home.
Like I said, that’s just how it sounds. I could be way off on this one.
Post # 16
@katydaisy: I know a lot of people who are like that, they always complain about the negative stuff, but never the good stuff they do.
One day I said something about this and said well do you do anything good together. They said of course. I was like well it doesn’t seem like it because all you do is complain about how bad it is when you go home.
People are always way to quick to complain about the horrible things in their life and want people to feel bad for them all the time, but then never talk about how good things are going because then they wont get all the attention anymore.
Not saying everyone is like this either.