Post # 1
Recently, I re-connected with an old friend who is also planning her own wedding. I said how much I was enjoying the process and wished her the same. She wrote back that she’s on the verge of a breakdown and she can’t handle the stress of planning.
I know this can be fairly common—but I am wondering WHY? Is it a budget thing? Is it how much planning help you’re getting (or not getting)? Is there a common thread between brides who feel so overwhelmed?
I am not paying for my wedding–and I can imagine that if I was working within a tight budget, planning could be much more difficult. Is this an appropriate generalization? Is a ot of the stress due to budget?
I have ZERO help from anyone–not my FI, not my MOH, bridesmaids, family, NO ONE is helping me plan this wedding. But I relish in that–I like to work alone! It’s been great to not have to “run things by” anyone.
Why do some brides LOVE the planning process and others can’t wait ’til it’s over?
Post # 3
I think there are several factors that go into this (size, budget, etc.), but I think having zero help may be the reason why it’s going so well for you.
My guess is that she probably has a lot of familial or social pressure on her to do what is “right” or “traditional” or how things “should” be, or any of those other words that tend to bog people down. Trying to please everyone, including yourself, is a truly tumultuous task.
Post # 4
I agree! I felt much more overwhelmed at first when EVERYONE had an opinion and a reason for this or that. Once I took control things settled down quite a bit. I am like you Virginia in that I have basically no help, but I am liking it. I was HATING planning at first, but now that I have the control I feel better about it.
Post # 5
For me, it’s not about budget. It’s about the million little details that go into planning a wedding. And it also has to do with my own Type A, perfectionistic, obsessive personality. If I was laid back and relaxed in general, I think I would be like that with wedding planning too. But, I”m not 🙂 So I definitely stress myself out just by virtue of who I am.
Post # 6
I don’t know why either, but I think it’s more about personality and many, many factors than just budget. I, for one, had no budget issues, but didn’t really enjoy the planning, even though we had very few things to plan – the resort took care of everything!
I just like very simple things and I feel that with our wedding, we often get caught up in details and it takes us away from the big picture. And when people ask about the wedding, they always asked about these details I didn’t want to care about.
I guess I just don’t like planning… that’s my personality.
Post # 7
HAHA yes! Girls I agree with you 100%. It is WONDERFUL to not seek anyone’s opinions. I choose what I like, when I like it! Phew…so easy and enjoyable.
Post # 8
@virginia – i think that budget and too many opinions causes it. They hit the nail on the head! my hubby and i had a good time planning b/c we funded it and only took opinions / delegated things that were not as key for us. Though i would not want to do it again, it was fun!
Post # 9
Some people just arent planners, they want stuff to just happen so they can enjoy their day and not have to worry. I am a planner and I LOVED planning my wedding. I MISS planning it! Im sure there are many various stressors that make people not like to plan their wedding but thankfully I didnt have to deal with many 🙂
Post # 10
Well I’ve been okay planning our wedding and I think because the FI and I decided that if our parents gave us X amount of dollars and we went over that then we would pick-up the difference. So that means that I’m not having to worry about going over budget or running things by anyone.
On the otherhand, my brother and his wife had one of the most stressful planning experiences I’ve ever been privy too. I think part of it was because her mom said she’d give them X amount of dollars and so they planned with that in mind. As the day drew closer her mom took half of that money back. The MOB also got into fights with the bride over silly details like putting stickers on the bottom of a hersey kiss etc.
So I think some of it has to do with outside influences like money and parents. But I also know that my SIL drug her feet on getting stuff done. Example, my wedding is in 10 days she waited until last week to get her dress altered. She is freaking out now because no one can do it. She’s had the dress for 6 months and should have done it sooner. This was her behavior all throughout her wedding planning process. So if getting a BM dress altered is stressful can you imagine all the 1,000 of things for the wedding was for her?
Post # 11
I was more stressed out over the budget than with anything else. The only person I turned to for input is my FI. Since I/we’ve pretty much taken care of all the major vendors, I need to work on the details of the wedding (ie. card box, table numbers, etc.). I have a feeling those ‘little’ things are the things which stress me out the most.
Post # 12
Yeah I agree. I think sometimes going it alone makes it easier. I also think a lot of how much you enjoy wedding planning has to do with expectations. What do you expect of your shower/wedding, etc? What do you expect from your family, FH’s family, friends, etc? How well do people deliver on those expectations? And how well do you handle it when they don’t deliver? Seems like you aren’t expecting help from anyone, so you aren’t bummed out to be doing things yourself! =)
For me, I handled most things well. I handled pouring rain on the wedding day (I hoped for good weather but didn’t expect it), I handled budget limitations (I didn’t expect a million-dollar wedding), I handled one of my best friends being checked out and moody (I had expected her to be supportive and happy for me, but she wasn’t and I accepted that there was nothing I could do about it), and I handled cross cultural aspects between families (I chose to marry a Sri Lankan Buddhist). The one thing that made me bonkers though was the situation with my divorced family. I tried so hard to expect very little, and to make everyone happy, but it wasn’t possible. My Mom was never going to be happy sharing me with my Dad and Stepmom, and I was never going to exclude them from my wedding. So alas, wedding planning was not fun. I did things alone not because I wanted to but because I chose to be alone on things rather than choosing between my Mom and Stepmom (both of whom have truly been wonderful parents).
Anyway – too bad planning isn’t going as well for you friend – but awesome that it is for you! The good news is you’ll probably both have fantastic weddings regardless. I definitely enjoyed mine in spite of the stress planning =)
Post # 13
I’m with hilsy!! I’m usually a very detail oriented person. I love hosting BBQ’s at our place, holiday parties, etc. but the small details that go into the big picture of our wedding are DRIVING. ME. CRAZY!! No, this is not fun for me.
Right now I’m planning a surprise party for my parents 50th wedding anniv. I’m having more fun doing that than I am planning my own wedding. It’s odd I know and it hasn’t gone unnoticed by my FI because I’ve got more enthusiasm for the Anniv. party details.
I think because it’s on a smaller scale (family brunch) and there’s less pressure, but that post wedding blues people talk about – I don’t think I’ll have those. I’ll be glad when it’s all over & we’re on our honeymoon, or it’s all over and I can just enjoy life with my guy like it was before the planning went full steam ahead.
Post # 14
I’m enjoying it when I have time to do so. It is fun to have the chance to plan something meaningful that is also a super expensive party (by the standards of any other event I’ve ever thrown).
But, gawd, when work is a mess, planning stinks. Like I sent off three emails to vendors today saying, “ah! I’m super busy, but X Y Z, omg!” I hate that.
Post # 15
I hated planning, and I’m so glad my wedding’s over. What’s weird is I love weddings in general, but I didn’t like planning my own because I hate being the center of attention. Having to focus for months on an entire day where everyone was going to be staring at me and talking to me was really stressful.
Post # 16
I think it also has to do with OTHER things that are going on in your life. I work full time and attend grad school full time. I’m trying to plan/execute my Master’s experiment, write my thesis, prepare presentations for conferences this summer, and apply to PhD programs. On top of all of that, we’re getting married at our house so we have countless home renovations that we’re struggling to get finished on time (we only have a 7 month engagement). We haven’t had a kitchen for 2 weeks and counting. My former office is stuffed with wedding supplies, and the entire contents of our kitchen are currently in our living room. I made a panini sandwich in the bathroom last night. Bottom line – I think if I didn’t have SO MUCH going on at once, then maybe it would be a less stressful experience.